Xaltec

Xaltec

Joined Member # 305100
0 Posts 0 Replies 4,138 Reputation
Reply to Our Friend WOM is Not Well in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Oh My! Here i am posting jokes and all the time a couple of our great citizens are SO ill... Feel all guilty now please PLEASE get well soon guys! My heart and thoughts go out to you across the ocean... ..::Xaltec::.. aka Martin

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Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Last one for now... Time to let others have a chance! Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.

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Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disori

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders? Whatever happened to preparations A through G? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses? When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to? Where are the germs that cause ‘good’ breath? Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons? W

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

A stitch in time saves nine. Nine what? Are there any unguided missiles? Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"? How can a stupid person be a smart-ass? Do fat people go skinny-dipping or do they call it fat-dipping? Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans? Do crematoriums give discounts

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there? Why do your feet smell and your nose runs? Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic...shouldn't they already know you're coming? Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a hockey g

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Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

*** Real courtroom transcipts...courtesy of real idiots. *** Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the LUMBAR region. Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about. Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears? A. No. Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears? A. Picking them up in the air. Q. Where

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Woth thinging about... Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have? If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to? In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? How come there aren't B batteries? If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver? <b

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

A young wife, her boorish husband and a good-looking sailor were ship-wrecked on an island. One morning the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled - "Stop making love down there!" "What's the mat

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again... "I SAID, let's get off that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people be

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and *splat!*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to h

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

More "You know you're a redneck when....." 1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor. 2) Your wife's hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan. 3) You go to your family reunion to pick up women. 4) Your richest relative buys a new house -- and you have to help him take the wheels off it. 5) You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment. 6) Your family tree does not fork. 7) Yo

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Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives. Henry started by saying, "I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a carpenter!" Tom answered, "Ya, I think my wife is not faithful either. The other day I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a plumber!" Otis then joins in

1,171 Replies 206,523 Views
Paintshop Pro 8 Has anyone tried it yet? in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Has anyone downloaded and tried the beta version of PSP 8 yet? Would be VERY interested to hear if you have.. I have just downloaded it, but wont have a chance to use it for a couple of days. Been waiting for this for so damn long!! <img src="http://images.stardock.com/images/smiles/events.gif" borde

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Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Ok Kimbabe.. you do know i just kining here don't you? Womens Put down lines... Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man:

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Reply to Messageboard Joke Marathon in WinCustomize Talk WinCustomize Forums

Q - Why do women have smaller feet than men?? A - So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink! Q - The dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door... which do you let in first? A - The dog of course, at least he'll shut up once he's inside!

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