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Jokes

Make us to laugh ... !!!

from WinCustomize Forums
A floks....
Don't you have a great joke to share with us....if yes then why to wait...we are here and you too.....
41,671 views 160 replies
Reply #126 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Bill goes to a bar where one of his fav live bands is playing, orders himself a drink and takes up a position near the stage to take in the great music.
A little while passes and he notices this woman sitting all alone, while all the others are up dancing and having a good time.
He thought is was such a shame that he went over and asked if she wanted to dance.

The woman replies: "Well I'd have to go and ask my husband first to see if it's okay"
Upon reaching her husband, a 6'6" biker type, mean and nasty looking, she says: "There a guy over there who wants to dance with me, is that okay?"

The biker guy was playing pool and clearly didn't want to be interrupted so just agreed so he could continue with his shot.
The woman returns to Bill and begins to dance with him, which was quite fine until a slow number came on. Bill starts to feel a little romantic so whispers in her ear that he'd like to kiss her all over and make wild passionate love to her.

"Hang on a minute", she roars in a rather loud and brash manner: "I'll have to go speak to my husband about this.".....so off she goes to complain to him.

"OI!!!! That guy who asked me to dance just whispered that he wants to kiss me all over and make wild passionate love to me, what ya gonna do about it?"

"Look woman, can't you see I'm busy playing pool? There's alot of money riding on this game, so go back and finish dancing with the guy and I'll be over there shortly to sort him out."

The woman returns to Bill and continues to dance, but then the tempo goes up a few beats and he starts to get quite thirsty, so he whispers in her ear: "And what else I'd like to do is fill your mouth up with Black Russians and drink them out, you know, like a spit swap kind of thing."

Now that Idea really disgusts her, so she roars at him once again and takes off to complain to her husband. "OI!!!! Now he wants to fill my mouth up with Black Russians and drink them out....I want you to go over there right now and sort him out."

"Like hell I will, replied the biker: "I'm not fighting anyone who can drink that much."
Reply #127 from WinCustomize Forums Top
I think the infatuation with sex in this thread is pretty dang funny


Actually, it's not an infatuation.
There are 3 main joke topics.....religion, sex and politics.
The problem with religious jokes is fear of starting another holy war, and the problem with political jokes is that they get elected to office.......

So what else are we left with?
Elemental: Reforged
Reply #128 from WinCustomize Forums Top
So what else are we left with?


You missed the funniest group of humor there is........ Fart jokes!
Reply #129 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Which reminds me...

A guy goes to the doctor with a wind problem...

"Doctor" he says, "every time I break wind, I hear the sound 'honda' "

"Hmmm" says the doctor, "how odd. Let me examine you"

After the examination the doctor says " I know what's wrong with you... it's an abcess..."

"An abcess?" Says the man, "What's that about?"

"Well..." says the doctor, "...everyone knows an abcess makes the fart go 'honda'..."...

Reply #130 from WinCustomize Forums Top
You missed the funniest group of humor there is........ Fart jokes!


Your'e quite right....how could I have been so forgetful, given that flatulence is a current issue.......
Oh well, maybe it was all that pressure below and I was feeling light headed.

Outlaw biker is present at the birth of his first child.
It's a bit of a difficult birth....alot of grunting, groaning and: "This is all your fault you bastard.", going on.
The midwife tells the mother: "The head is just startiing to show, if you were to do some breathing exercises for a moment and give one final push, I'm sure your baby will arrive."
The mother does some panting and heaving breathing for a while and decides to give one almighty final push......RIIIIIPPP. Out comes this rip snorting, humungous fart of gigantic proportions.

Upon hearing this, the proud father goes: " Well he's a chip off the old block, then, just like me."
The mother, still in some pain and discomfort says: 'What the f**k makes you say a thing like that.....how d'ya know its even a boy?"

"Just heard him kick start his Harley!"
Reply #131 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Father and son Undertakers team have to go the the home of an elderly woman who has passed on a couple of days earlier.
Given that she looked like an old crone when alive, the thought of seeing her face when dead was the topic of a very heated debate as to who was taking the head, and who was going to get the feet to lift her corpse into the coffin.
Eventually it was decided by the flip of a coin.....dad gets the feet and the son has to pick her up at the othewr, much uglier end.
As decomposition had begun, and bodily gases had accumulated, when they lifted the old woman's body, it broke wind with enormous gusto.....a force which almost blew slightly built dad off his feet.

"That's it!!!!" says dad: "If you've still got the strength to fart, you old crone, you can bloody well walk out to the hearse and get in the coffin yourself."
Reply #132 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Quite some years ago now, I was going out with a girl called Pat, and to be properly introduced and etc, I was invited to share their evening meal this particular night.

It was quite a lavish do....pre-entee prawn cocktails, entree of escargot, a mushroom soup course, the main meal of Peking Duck and all the sides, a dessert course of cheescake and walnut icecream. WOW!!!!!
To be quite honest, with a spead like that, I thought that I was well and truly out of my league.....but there was worse.....
I'd not long before had a rather large lunch because I had missed breakfast, so I wasn't particularly hungry. However, rather than appear to be rude or inappreciative, I ate whatever was put in font of me......big nistake.
The more I put in, the greater the pressure, the greater the pressure, the more I began to fart.
At the sound of the first fart, Pat's father roared: "Toby, get out from under the table!" (Toby being their dog, a Pug) Aha, I thought, he's blaming the dog for that, so when the need next arose, I let it go.
Again: "Toby, get out from under the table!"
Well this went on throughoput the meal, and with each passing course, the farts became more frequent and loud.....with the "Toby, get out from under the table" order being given each time....and my confidence in remaining undetected growing with them.

By the time dessert was over and we were sitting there drinking our coffees, the pressure had surpassed anything I could with-hold and this rip roaring fart just bellowed out and shook the room, the very foundations, even.

With that, Pat's father roared under the table aqain: "Toby, get out from under that table.......before that dirty b@**@rd sh!ts on you!!!!!!"
Reply #133 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Guy driving through an unfamiliar neighbourhood spots a for sale sign outside of a house......Talking Dog for Sale $5.00
Well this was very intriguing indeed, so the guy pulls up and enquires about purchasing this talking dog....the $$$$$$ signs lighting up in his eyes for all the show business opportunities it would present....

"Hi there, my name's Lloyd and I'm interested in buying your dog....can he really talk?

"Hell yeah!", say the owner: "Just ask him a question, and he'll answer it...reads alot and surfs the net, so he's very well educated."

"Okay dog, asks Lloyd: "What's your name?"

"Clyde!", says the dog: 'And before being asked to resign, I used to work for the Government."

"Sounds very interesting," says Lloyd; "and what did you do for the Government?"

"Well I started out in airport security, you know, sniffing out drugs, explosives, weapons and contraband, etc. However, my handler felt my talents were being wasted there, when other, non-talking dogs could do the job, so he got me into espionage and spying for the C.I.A., the Military and F.B.I. Well who'd suspect it,, like an ordinary looking mutt like me, eavesdropping, taking notes and using a wire to relay back to the team? Yeah, t'was a very interesting life, I got to travel all over the world, to some very exotic locations in the Pacific; to some very dangerous locations like Iraq, was there for the first Gulf War, you know. I even went up to the International Space Station for a while to help the Russians with speaking, reading and writing English...as well as do a bit of snooping with the spy satelites looking down on suspect nations and leaders, etc.

"Wow!!!!", says Lloyd, "Now that is some life, why there'd even be humans with less experience and traveling than you....so what made you wanna give up all that?"

"Well," says Clyde: " the President heard of my exploits and talents, so he requested that I be added to his personal staff at the White House....trouble was, the food was a bit rich."

"You left over the food?".

Lloyd was astounded, that he'd leave the White house over food when he could've had anything he wanted, so he enquired further into it.

"Nah, it wasn't the food exactly...it was fantastic...just that it made me fart quite a bit, and one day in the Oval Office....
Well it got that way that the President asked if I'd like to retire....so after many years of great service to my country, yeah, I called it a day and ended up here, where I was born some 28 years ago"

By now Lloyd was absolutely flabbergasted and totally had to have this dog, so approached the owner to hand over the $5,00, though still somewhat curious.......

"Hey man, Clyde is one helluva talking dog, and with all that travel, Government experience and......well hey, I just gotta have him. One thing, though....with all that living and experience under his belt, why so cheap?

"Well," says the owner: "It's all bullshit!"
Reply #134 from WinCustomize Forums Top
dumbest joke in the world, but there really are ppl i have had to explain it to

2 fish are swimming along and SMASH, they run into something huge and hard.

one fish looks at the other and says "Damn"
Reply #135 from WinCustomize Forums Top
An old couple live in the back woods of Arkansas and one day Ma comes into the house
"Pa go out and fix the outhouse."
Pa goes out side and looks in the outhouse
"Ma aint nothing wrong with the outhouse." he yells
"You have to go inside, now fix it"
Pa goes inside and looks around. "Ma aint nothing wrong with it" he yells again
"You have to stick your head in the hole to see it" Ma called back
Pa sticks his head in the hole and notices some cracks in the seat, as he starts to get up his beard gets stuck in the cracks. "Ma help my beard is stuck in the seat" he screams
"Thats what i want you to fix" she calmly calls back.
Reply #136 from WinCustomize Forums Top
How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out....

BA DA DUM
Reply #137 from WinCustomize Forums Top
After a long cattle drive, a cowboy is ravenous and needs to eat...problem being that the only eating establishment open in town is a rather posh and fancy restaraunt, and he;s just not dressed for the occasion...not to mention having to sit down with snobs who'd look down upom him.
However, his appetite got the better of him so he entered and took a table to read the menu prior to ordering.
No sooner had he sat down, and this rather uppish type woman started to give him a hard time with derogatory and uncomplimentary remarks.
The cowboy tried his hardest to ignore the woman, but the harder he tried the more obnoxious she became.

Whilst ordering her meal, she made a point of being heard, to be seen as somewhat of a food connoissuer. Every item was ordered in French, with specific instuctions as to how each course should be prepared....oh, ladidadidah. "And waiter", she added at the conclusion of her menu order: would you please open some windows, I can smell horse! There must be a odious cowboy in the house."

When it came time for the cowboy to place his order, he says to the waiter: "I want a slab of steak....rump steak that was so close to the cows arse I can taste it, and I want it rare...rare as rocking horse shit and lots of onions..fried onions that are so well done they'll make my eyes water. For dessert I'll have apple pie with cream...but I want them sour apples near raw and the cream near sour cos I ain't got much of a sweet tooth. And coffee....I want strong coffee, as strong as texas mule piss, and hot....so hot the steam fogs up yer chandeliers."

Will that be all?" asked the waiter.

"Nope!" says the cowboy: " I can smell real cheap perfume, so would ya'll knock a wall down.....cos it sure smells like there's a whore in the house."
Reply #138 from WinCustomize Forums Top
The little farm cottage in County Cork, Ireland was all abuzz with excitement as the couple were expecting their first child. It was a wonderous time as they'd had problems conceiving and had some fertility treatment that finally worked....and being that they decided upon a home birth, that atmosphere in the cottage was electric.
Well almost electric....cos way out there in the country they didn't have electricity, so relied on kerosene lamps and candles, etc.

The doctor and midwife had arrived and were monitoring the labor to ensure all was well, which it was until the head began to show much earlier than expected.
A few moments later: "whaaaa, whaaaaa, whaaaaa.", and the doctor announced to the proud father that he had a brand new baby son. Well off goes the father to whet the baby's head with a few swigs of the best Irish Whiskey available.
Halfway down the stairs he hears the doctor calling out: OI, OI, bring the lamp back, I think there's another one.", so back up the stairs he goes, and sure enough, a moment later a daughter is born.
"Oh begorrah, this is time for celebration.", and off back down the stairs he goes, heading straight for that whiskey.....only to hear: "Oi, Oi, bring back that lamp, there's another on the way,", and sure enough, seconds later, there was......
"Well my good man, said the doctor: "Youve now 2 sons and a daughter, now be off with you and have a drink for me while you're at it."

With whiskey bottle in hand and just about to unscrew the cap, the proud father hears yet again: Oi, quickly, bring the lamp back, there's another.....
So back up the stairs he trudges and enters the room, just in time to shed light on the second daughter's arrival.
The doctor tells him yet again to go off and get that whiskey....he'd surely earnt it, but no sooner had he left the little bedroom and out calls the doctor for him to bring back the lamp.

In thinking about how the moths always surround the lamp at supper time, he calls back out:......."To hell I will, it's the bloody light that's attracting them!"


Then of course you heard about the Irish newlyweds....waited up all night for their sexual relations to arrive.....boom boom.

BTW...no offence to any Irish people here, anywhere else for that matter I've a bit of Irish blood in my own veins....to be sure, to be sure.
Reply #139 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Mother Superior called the nuns together to make an announcement.....

"It has come to my attention that there's a case of gonnorhea in the convent"....but before she could utter another syllable, Sister Evangelina loudly exalts....

"Praise the Lord, I was tiring of the daily Chardonnay!!!"
Reply #140 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Blonde Joke (Hope it's not already posted)

A blonde is sitting with her husband listening to the radio one evening and the announcer states a blizzard is coming and everyone needs to move their vehicles to the even address side of the road for the snow plows to come through.

The next day, he announces that people should move their cars to the odd address side of the road so the snow plows can come through.

The following evening as they're listening the annoucer comes on and just before he says which side to move the cars to, the electricity goes out.

The blonde looks over at her husband and asks "what side do you think I should move the car to?"

The patient husband (like any man used to living with a blonde) lovingly looks at her and says "this time honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage."
Reply #142 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Alot of people think the Swiss invented yodelling....but they didn't. It was actually an Australian guy who was hitch-hiking around Europe.

When in Switzerland, a rather fierce blizzard snowed him in this small community with no back-packer hostels..nothing much in the way of accomodation at all.
However, he was in luck. A rather friendly and generous local cheesemaker offered him a room until the storm had passed and his tour bus was able to leave. There was a condition regarding his very beautiful daughter, though..
The proviso was that no matter what she said or did to draw his attention, being that she was isolated and saw very few men, he was to ignore her affections and not follow her to her room if/when beckoned.
The Aussie guy was intigued by this.....just how beautiful was this young woman, but still agreed to the old cheese maker's terms....he would not follow her into her bedroom....
It was around suppertime when they arrived back at the modest little cottage...and sure enough, sat right opposite him at the table, was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon: sweet succulent lips; long wavy golden hair; big bountiful, yet perky breasts, and long slender legs all the way up to her ancestors. She was the stuff mens dreams are made of.....with a particularly friendly disposition and pleasant nature.
Suppertime was a test for him, as she ran her foot up the inner side of his leg and smiled sweetly with big blue 'come to bed with me' eyes. The poor guy, having given his promise was having the most difficult time concentrating, all aroused and trying to eat the meal they had so kindly offered him. However, given the lateness of the day, the old cheese maker and his wife happily showed him to his room after he had politely asked to be excused from the table....
It was a comfortable and cosy room with a log fire burning, and within no time he was sound asleep....it had been a long, long day and his promise removed all thought/temptation regarding the extremely beautiful daughter from his mind.

The promise remained sacred....until around 4 in the morning, when the cheese maker's daughter came into his room, undressed, slid into the bed beside him and began to make wild passionate love to him. Wow, all his Christmases had come at once.....until the heated sounds of their lustful encounter awoke the old cheese maker, who got his gun and burst into the room with every intention of riddling the very naughty Aussie with buckshot.
Luckily, he was able to distract the old cheese maker long enough to make his escape through the bedroom window and take off down the mountainside....with the old chees maker calling out after him: "I told you to ignore her advances and not to make love with her, but you did, didn't you!"

And the Aussie echoes back out: "AAAAAaaanndYooourOOooldLlladyToo0000000....!"
Reply #143 from WinCustomize Forums Top
A lawyer went Duck hunting in rural South Dakota He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial attorneys in California and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes around here. We settle small disagreements like this with the South Dakota Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's that?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
Reply #144 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Little Johnny Strikes AGAIN

**Read Carefully**

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils. "Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade.My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office. The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.


He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic.


"What is three times three?" "Nine, Sir."


"How much is nine times six?" "Fifty-four."


And so it went with every question the principal thought a third- grade should know.


The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough.


Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed.

Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of ?
Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"


"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
"Pockets!"


"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"
"Pants."


"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
"Coconut. !


"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge. "Bubble gum!


"What does a man do standing up, a woman does! sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
"Shake hands, Ma'am.


"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one.

You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do. Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!


"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!


"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
"Nose.


"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver.
"Arrow.


"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?
"Fire truck, Ma'am!


The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said tot he teacher,

"Send him to university!!!!, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Reply #145 from WinCustomize Forums Top
On Friday afternoons after lunch, the teacher would ask the class a question, and the first pupil to answer it correctly got let out of school early to go home.
This was a problem for little jimmy, who had never even had an answer to give, let alone be able to put his hand up or be the first to get one right.

It wasn't that Jimmy was unintelligent, for he had street smarts like you wouldn't believe for a 9 year old.....but his undoing at Friday question time was not having a head for math, history, geography and English etc, which is all the teacher ever asked.

Little Jimmy had to come up with a plan to be first in best dressed because he wanted to be someplace else so bad he could almost taste it.....so at lunchtime he went to a store across the road and bought a packet of aniseed balls, which he promptly emptied into his pants pocket for expediency at question time.

When all the students were seated and paying attention, the teacher began to utter her qusetion when little Jimmy grabbed a handful of the aniseed balls from his pocket and rolled them along the floor to the front of the classroom .....ooops! Suddenly the teacher's feet were up in the air and she landed on her derriere, bringing uproarious laughter from the whole class for the 'bonus' spectacle

Little Jimmy was expecting a question as to what they were, or even 'who did that?'....so was totally unprepared for what eventually came out when the teacher regained her feet and some composure: "OK then, who's got little black balls?"

Quick as a flash, using his extraordinary street smarts, little Jimmy calls out: "Sammy Davis Jr, Miss.....now can I go home?"
Reply #146 from WinCustomize Forums Top
It was alphabet question time and the teacher did the rounds of her students with a letter, to which they had to find a word it began with, and what it meant, etc.
Trouble was, Little Jimmy was always and forever using frequent expletives, no matter what letter she gave him.....
Anyhow, being that she didn't want to entirely exclude him from participating, she came up with the letter Z, thinking there was no expletive attached to it.

"So Jimmy, your letter is Z, can you give me a word that it begins with?"

"Zebra, Miss!"

"Okay Jimmy, that's very good, now what is a Zebra?"

"Eff me, you're a teacher and you don't know what an effing Zebra is! It's a stripy effing horse in effing Africa!"
Reply #147 from WinCustomize Forums Top
A 5 yr. old and a 4 yr. old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?", says the 5 yr. old, "I think its about time we
start swearing."
The 4 yr. old nods his head in approval.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell,' and you say 'ass', OK?"
"OK!" The 4 yr. old says with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 yr. old
what he wants for breakfast.

"Aw, hell mom, I guess I'll have the Cheerios."
Whack!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the
kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
The mom looks at the 4 yr. old and asks in a stern voice,
"And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it
won't be Cheerios."
Reply #148 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Young Jane was curious as to why her mother had breasts and she didn't.....and what they were for.
The mother, a little embarrassed by the unexpected question and not sure how to answer it said: "Well Jane, these are my heaven ballons, so that when I die they will take me straight to heaven."
Young Jane was perplexed but nonetheless accepted the answer to continue playing
with her dolls.

However, one day she was sat on the front step in a disturbed frame of mind and awaiting her father's return from work to inform him that mommy nearly died today.
This news immediately alarmed the father and a state of panic was about to set in when he asked her what had happened, and why was she there alone if mommy had been taken to hospital.

"Oh no daddy, it wasn't quite that serious, replied Jane: " It's just that when I went upstairs earlier to see what mommy was doing, I saw the milkman blowing up her heaven balloons....and mommy was there calling out 'Oh God I'm Coming, I'm coming' like she was in some sort of pain. Now if he hadn't been there and on top to hold her down, I'm guess she woulda floated right on up there."
Reply #149 from WinCustomize Forums Top
Young Billy turns up at school sporting a real fancy looking watch with all sorts of nick nacks and doodads for additional information, such as a calculator and currency converter, etc. Thing was, little Jimmy was extremely jealous and wanted to know how Billy had come by it so he too could get one.

"Well", says Billy: "I'm not supposed to tell you cos I promised not say anything, but if you can keep a secret, I'll let on so's you might get have a chance of getting one too.

"Okay then, so what's the story", says Jimmy: " cos I gotta get me one of those too."

"Well!" says Billy: "One night I heard these strange noises coming from my parents bedroom, and when I went in to investigate, My mom and dad were doing the 'honky tonk', you know....like doing IT. Anyhow, with dad being a bit of a prude, easiuly embarrassed and not wanting anyone else to know about his sex life, he gave me his brand new watch if I promised never to tell as soul....but now you know, good luck in getting Yours."

A few night went by with Jimmy staying awake until all hours before heard anything similar coming from his parents bedroom....and within seconds of hearing the first moans and groans, he burst into their bedroom and stood at the foot of the bed.

"What do you want?", his angered father asked.....to which Jimmy replied: " I wanna watch."

"Okay then,"....but fer cryin' out load, go and shut the flamin' door cos there's a cold draft blowing right up my....."
Reply #150 from WinCustomize Forums Top
One For The Aussies Mostly....but a few others know of our P.M. as well.

Janet Howard gets to the pearly gates and is greeted by St Peter, who asks a few mandatory questions prior to entry into heaven....such as her good & bad deeds on Earth, etc.
Anyway, during the questioning, Janet Howard notices all these clocks on the wall with various different times on them and is curious as to what they are for....

St Peter explains that if the hour hand is on the 12 and the minute hand is on the two, it means that the person who the clock relates to has told 2 lies during his or her life time.....

"For instance", says St Peter: that clock with both hands on the 12 belongs to Our Lord, Jesus Christ, because neither has has moved...meaning he never told any lies."

Janet Howard was still rather curious, being that one clock had onlty moved one minute, and wanted to know who that one belonged....

"Oh, that's Mother Theresa's.....and that one wehich has only moved 3 minutes belongs to the Pope."

Then she noticed a clock which said it was 11.58 pm and wanted to know whose that was, for they must have been a terrible liar....

St Peter says: "Well that one belongs to Adolph Hitler....and the one next to it saying it's 11.57 pm belongs to George W Bush."

Oh, okay, says Mrs Howard: "So where's lil Johnny's?"

"That's in my Office." Says St Peter.

"In your Office......why?"

"Gets mighty warm in there and I'm using it as a ceiling fan."