another Hmmmmm... bad cut and paste by /me

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why does does life have to get so damned short just when it's getting good?

A man has been stranded on a desert island, all alone, for ten years.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous woman
wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches him and asks, "How long has it been since you've had a
cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and
pulls out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and
takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that ever good!"

She then asks him, "How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?"

Trembling, he replies, "Ten Years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve,
pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a
long swig, and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!"

Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the
front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, "And how long
has it been since you've played around?"

The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, "Oh sweet Lord God! Don't tell
me you've got golf clubs in there!"

"Youth is wasted on the young...."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Oh so what, I don't mind saying it, I've been fighting cancer and I'm not ashamed to say it (I'm shy but not ashamed). There. I'll keep that knowledge hidden on this bloated thread because I don't want anybody's sympathy because I'm a fighter and I can't stand that sh*t. I'm sorry I couldn't contribute more here but the chemo is zapping my strength and I'm sorry I jumped down Fuzzy Logic's throat for threatening to lop my hair off but with the chemo I'm terrified of it falling out and it really upset me. Anyway, to those who give a dang, I'm sorry for over-reacting so much...I've been on numerous medications to not only help me deal with the chemo nausea but the pain and aches in my bones.

I probably will lose all my hair (*sob*) and I probably won't visit here much more and I hope I didn't cause anyone any hurt as I only wanted to come here to be peaceful and loving and somehow it all got mucked up. I hope you can forgive me that anyway.

I'm hoping you all have the best that life can give you...it IS too short...

Logging off,

AngEla

Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Revenge is sweet.
Therefore, revenge is ice cream.
I'd like chocolate revenge, please.

Why do people park in Driveways and drive on Parkways?

Hindsight is always 20/20

Well i noticed DS, and well...You keep fighting, Don't give up. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to hurdle over the big hill. I speak from experience. I am not giving sympathy, but offering hope. As you say "it IS too short" It is only as short as you make it.

"From this a general rule is drawn which never or rarely fails: that he who is the cause of another becoming powerful is ruined; because that predominancy has been brought about either by astuteness or else by force, and both are distrusted by him who has been raised to power...

Upon this, one has to remark that men ought either to be well treated or crushed, because they can avenge themselves of lighter injuries, of more serious ones they cannot; therefore the injury that is to be done to a man ought to be of such a kind that one does not stand in fear of revenge." -Niccolo Machiavelli (The Prince Chapter 4)


"Of my grandfather Verus I have learned to be gentle and meek, and to refrain from all anger and passion. From the fame and memory of him that begot me I have learned both shamefastness and manlike behavior. Of my mother I have learned to be religious, and bountiful; and to forbear, not only to do, but to intend any evil; to content myself with a spare diet, and to fly all such excess as is incidental to great wealth. Of my great grandfather, both to frequent public schools and auditories, and to get me good and able teachers at home; and that I ought not to think much, if upon such occasions, I were at excessive charges." -Marcus Aurelius (Meditations, 1)


"In the Name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful

BY the noonday brightness,
And by the night when it darkeneth!
Thy Lord hath not forsaken thee, neither hath he been displeased.
And surely the future shall be better for thee than the past,
And in the end shall thy Lord be bounteous to thee and thou be satisfied.
Did he not find thee an orphan and gave thee a home?
And found thee erring and guided thee,
And found thee needy and enriched thee.
As to the orphan therefore wrong him not;
And as to him that asketh of thee, chide him not away;
And as for the favours of thy Lord tell them abroad." The Qu'ran Sura 93 (an older, more lyrical, translation)



"Ecclesiastes 11 (excerpt)
1. Cast thy bread upon the waters, for thou shalt find it after many days.
2. Give portion to seven and also to eight; for thou knowest not what evil shall fall upon the earth.
3. If the clouds be full of rain, they empty themselves upon the earth; and if the tree fall toward the south or toward the north, in the place that the tree falleth, there it shall be. " (The Bible, KJV)


A few thought I constantly fail living up to.

No good deed goes unpunished...

Every silver lining has a cloud...

A foot in hot water is a foot burned...

If I had a split personality I would be beside myself...

I started at the bottom and worked my way down...

You'd be out of your depth in a carpark puddle...

How dumb you look depends on where you are standing at the time...

I might be dumb but I can spell 'duh'!... (Buffyspeak)

/me notices the subtle 'confession' inserted a dozen post up there

Cheer up girl. Remember: memento mori --> carpe diem.

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat
opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open
with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
jab. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize
to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last
pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to
leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically
and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor
stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call
furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they
have any hamsters.

How To Give a Dog a Pill

1) Wrap it in bacon.

Or the one hanging in my bathroom: "All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it".

AngEla... take care of yourself and don't worry about the hair that's silly & that is not what makes "you" (It'll grow back)
take care of yourself okay