I can't make up with you, you suck, sure you sucked good but...where was I?

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it!

This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
number, and your reason for calling... and I'll think about returning
your call.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet

If time heals then why are my stretch marks growing?

Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one
of these magnets.

Life is like a box of BullSh*t...the nicer the package the bigger lies.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exist elsewhere in
the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you
didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If
you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a
thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.

You only live once...and if you have the chance...make everyone else pay...

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it
up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slow. So leave a
message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat
down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They
send me a BLIND policeman."

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos...then you probably
haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation

I'm outta here...and to all a good night.

Never miss a good chance to shut up

g'night

Pick up lines sure NOT to work!
1.  Nice legs...what time do they open?
2.  Do you work for UPS?  I could have sworn I saw you checking out my
package.
3.  You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
4.  I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking
to you.

D_V who you dissin'?

so I'll take my own advice and do so.

The dissin' is for the non-words of wisdom that has deteriorated to blonde jokes

I apologize to all of the blondes out there, nothing personal intended..............

HINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM.....


1.   Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

2.   Why is a boxing ring square?

3.   Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

4.   Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

5.   Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

10.  Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
       you turn down the volume on the radio?

11.  Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing
       liquid made with real lemons?

Almost every bleach blonde who plays the "role" of "blonde" is a brunette...

Logical conclusion?

Dumb brunettes give "real blondes" bad names. There are less natural blondes in the world and plenty of "fakes" who are NOT natural blondes...

Let's give the blonde a hand for putting up with brunettes faking "them"

Remember that, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Oh silly! Life is too short for blonde jokes...it's rather ignorant until you look at the facts

Blondes aren't dumb
Brunettes with blonde hair are.