I sure hope you find an end soon to the pain you're suffering, GM.
I know what a constant torment pain can be, though fortunately the worst I've had to suffer was several broken bones in a motorcycle accident. [Femur, both wrists, a couple of ribs and a fractured clavicle] These injuries at first are painful, but they heal fast, and the pain becomes just a memory.
I have seen the dependency one can have when it comes to pain meds though, so I really do hope you find a way through this rough patch you're in, and that your Doc has the good sense to change them according to your wishes.
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My sister was involved in a light aircraft crash several years ago which claimed the lives of three of her best friends, and left another severely brain-damaged. I flew down to where she was in hospital the moment I heard, to keep her kids safe and to be by her as much as possible. There was a brief time there that we thought she wouldn't pull through. She was barely recognisable, as her injuries had swollen her whole body to twice it's usual size.
She's been to hell and back since then. She had so many serious injuries. Her spine had to be fused in several places, and she's probably carrying more metal inside her limbs now than the plane was ever made of. She can't even stand up straight anymore.
Slowly but surely she bacame dependant on the morphine tablets the doctors were prescribing that would help her get through the constant pain throughout her day.
It was difficult for me to see her becoming addicted like that, because we've always been close, ever since we were kids growing up. The meds changed her from being vibrant, happy and alert, to someone I just
didn't know ~who always just wanted to sleep a lot, and was constantly grumpy.
I tried
so many times to talk to her doctors, to convince them that they need to find another way to ease her pain, without the use of so many drugs. Not one of those bastards seemed to care enough about
her ...they seemed to care more about the kickbacks they got from pharmaceutical companies for selling their drugs.
I love her dearly though, so I kept at her to try to change her lifestyle. Eventually, after a couple of years of my constant 'whispers' in her ear to move to a warmer climate, and to get out in the sun ...to embrace the life that she now has, and to see it as a gift that she was left alive, ~she finally plucked up the courage to move herself and her 4 beautiful daughters to the state I live in. Though she's still further away from here than I'd like.
[She was living in a very cold climate, and the weather was affecting her mobility and getting into all the places that hurt her.]
She's been here a few years now, and after a 'word' to her doctor [up here] when she first arrived, she's now on far less medication for the injuries and seems to be coping reasonably well. The pain is still there, though she's learned how to tolerate it more without as many tablets. She gets out a lot more, and is more active, and the warm sun seems to help her somewhat ~though she still needs to go to bed early every day, as she tires so easily.
She's even gone back to nursing one day per week, looking after an elderly bed-ridden chap for a few hours.
She'll always be in pain, and she'll always carry the mental & physical scars of her ordeal, but I truly believe that she has lived through all that for some yet-to-happen reason.
Maybe this is also the future for you, GM... I've been reading this marathon thread for about 3 years now, and I've seen [read about] the ups & downs you've gone through. Something good's gotta come your way soon.
Why am I telling you all this? ....I have no idea, really ...perhaps only to say that I at least
know what you're putting up with, and that I do hope the pain goes away for you soon. Everybody's "good time" comes around ...eventually.
The bright [or up] side is, that if you end up having your knee reconstructed ...you should be pretty good again after some rest & a few weeks of reasonably [bearable] intensive physical therapy.
Then you can rock-hop over boulders on that mountainbike of yours.
...or not
| the beaches are callin'. I got places to go, pictures to take. I'm so tired of sitting around with a bag of ice on my knee. |
That's the spirit!
Best wishes to you, GM...
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it sure is a good thing that i didn't ever expect life to be fair or anything 'cuz then I'd really be steamed that i wriecked my knee. my good knee. I reckon maybe the bike and the climbing on rocks came a little early maybe, but I was so glad to be doing it. I guess I'm over my mad now, and its time to go look for a surgeon... cuz I'm just tired of all this. 
the beaches are callin'. I got places to go, pictures to take. I'm so tired of sitting around with a bag of ice on my knee.
on the wedding
