I dunno MrGupps, if your serious, or just kicking the can around contemplating things such as they are and might eventually be, or looking for someone(s) understanding. But it sounds like one thing is for sure, really really, you need to see about a friend in rela life, someone you can reach out and touch so you know they are real, sitting right there with you, and talk. ABout anything and everything and no I am not saying it has to be a so called professional. I've spent most of my life in some manner mixed up with some kind of councelor of some sort. Probably 60% of them had a real passion to help but absolutly no clue what they were doing and frankly I found it rather appaling and at the same time it made me very resentful that they would assume to use my life, my issues as a learning tool and then expect to be paid for it. What I did discover over time was that having someone close who I could talk to, about anything and everything no matter if it was something that made me happy or something that made me want to dig a hole and pull the dirt over me until the end of it, really made a psoitive difference.

Sucide isn't a joke, it isn't nice and it isn't clean and it also is not going to cost the person who does it a damn thing, the one who ends up paying for it are those left behind. Your correct though it is a choice, a personal one that no one can take away from anyone. It is something that a person either comes to grips with and understands it is their choice, might even be the one thing that proves they have some kind of control, some personal power over their own existance when it seems that everyone close does everything in their power to take it away from them, but it is a multipart issue, it is not a single choice, but a string of choices. If someone where to act upon it without consider all the rest of the issues revolving around the final act, they sell them self short along with everyone else at the same time.

I've been on watch more than once over the years, my wife has been put through the ringer at least three times because of it, my son once ( which is something I wish beyond anything I could take back ). You need to decide, if your serious, at what price does such a choice come at, for you and others you care about, and figure out if it is worth it.

Sucide is still a choice for me, one that will never be taken from me, living is also, and that is my personal power, the power to decide that no matter what anyone does, what anyone expects out of me, what ever I feel I have failed at, my choice is my power over myself and the choice to live costs much less and returns much more than the choice to die...

anywy...

I won't bring it up again and I won't discuss it anymore either... Good luck whatever your reasons for broaching the sbuject and also in making your choice, I will say I hope it is the correct one for you, one thing to remember is life is fluid and changes for the good more often than not as time goes on, death is forever, there isn't any second chance and there is not any going back.
But I would leave it at the door whe nhere because it is not fair to anyone on this board to drag them into it or to put them in a position to decide if they can or will expend the enrgy or emotional price to be a part of it, let alone anyone who mught happen to be dealing with a suicide of a loved one or what have you....

just my personal pov...

please ignore the spelling and grammatical mistakes...

I did not run a spell check for the reason that it would change my post, and I did/do not want it changed, it is real for me mistakes and all....

anyway

MrGupps, please don't even consider suicide. My brother recently hanged himself while going through a nasty divorce. His son, myself, my entire family was devastated by this. You have no concept of the pain and anguish and guilt that is caused by someone killing themselves. The ones left behing have to bear the burden of all of this hurt. It's not worth it MrGupps, you are as important as anyone else and taking your life is NOT an option. Please stop thinking in this manner. If you need someone to talk to I would be more than happy to chat with you about anything you like.

Jam, your good peoples...

Thanks IP, some think so, some don't... but if I can help someone I am always willing to try.

my birthday was yesterday-march 26.
i will not give my age. to be honest- it was not that great. when you get older, birthdays do not seem that exciting anymore.

I don't need a psychiatrist to tell me I'm nuts...

Birthday? Oh no, only 354 days till the next one - aaaaagh!

Mines not for another month and some change......don't care to think about it, though

MrGupps, there is very little i can add to what has already been said. if it helps, consider me. at school i was considered very intelligent, but did not do well at all. after school, university could have gone more smoothly

i have very clear, and very painful, memories of just unpleasant life as a child at school can be. i will admit thoughts of suicide crossed my mind many times during those years *sigh*

instead, my simple suggestion is this. spend time here, at wincustomise, with us. it is a different world, where people care. you are what you make of yourself here. which school you went to makes no difference. here, this is a community, where if you spend time you will find people who can and will care deeply about you as a person, regardless of your marks at school.

this place, this group, these kind and caring people, they, us, we, offer community, friendship, companionship, someone to talk to, and someone who will be there when you need them.

if that doesn't make like worth living, then there is always chocolate! that is the subject for a slightly less serious post though

Lady KarmaGirl - Mines not for another month and some change......don't care to think about it, though

/me thinks we need to do something to distract JavaBean
............

lets feeder her coffee with chocolate sprinkles on top!

FL

feline very good peoples for sure and definitly proof there are people who do care without demanding anything for it...

jam, eh, sometimes people miss the best of others without ever having the chance to see them.

Doesn't make them bad or anything, just mis informed, or left with only knowing part of the total person, their loss...

You are good people and worth the knowing also... Everyone needs at least one person to talk with, about those things keep close and hidden, sooner or later, you and many others here are more than willing and just as ready to be there for someone in need. That is something I would never question. But it does come at a price, depending on the outcome it can be small or be higher than many would even consider... McGupps could do much, much worse in finding a group of people than her ethat is for sure...

anyway...

I agree IP+, MrGupps needs to know that he can fall back on us here for support because we will do whatever we can to ease him through his bad times... you're a good group of people IP, that's for sure... hehe..

no, I m not, some are, but...

we work on em

yes.

belated happy birthday joe