Banned for rushing bulls in a china shop. Are you nuts.

banned for not letting a bull eat while threshing

Banned for cracking bovine jokes at a time like this and where the fech are my beef and mustard sandwiches?

banned for using seed based paste to enhance dead muscle tissue from a domesticated animal 

Banned for insulting cheeseburgers, hold the mayo.

banned for wanting a sauce from beaten eggs

Banned with bravado for trying to teach your grandmother to suck eggs and why were the fighter jets scrambled when it was learned that an overseas entity was going to try poach Alaska back?

banned for letting the jets scramble

Banned with extreme gusto for scrambled pterodactyl eggs weren't even on the menu and I didn't order them, so why was I served an over-cooked Gordon Ramsey emu steak basted with prehistoric dodo sauce and sprinklings of herbal dereliction?

Banned for revealing your age. 

banned for mocking the ancient 

Banned for ancient aliens and Brussels sprouts.

Banned for sprouting up to announce the arrival of aliens at a time when the world was far more comfortable in thinking that aliens do not exist in ours or any other universes - and why is it some people actually enjoy anal probes by alien entities searching for our [and maybe their own] ancestors?

banned for rambling on

Banned for not knowing the length of a piece of string and why aren't you telling bankers to get knotted?

Banned 'cause the conundrum of infinity was solved. It ain't there.

banned for claiming it ain't all there

Banned for claiming proof that space is full.

Banned for the space in the back of your closet being host to little aliens who don't like the daylight or that rowdy breakfast cereal that goes snap, crackle, pop... and where is that confounded waiter with my Neptunian Nachos with the special order of bugger-me-that's-bloody-hot-sauce?

banned for using such mild hot sauce

Banned for terrorising the meek and mild with absolutely the fiercest bugger-me-that's-bloody-hot-sauce on the entire planet, and who's the bright spark who put the Tabasco in Worcestershire when its residents were quite saucy enough already?

First^^^ . Good one. 

Banned for making me laugh so early in the AM. 

banned for being awake enough to laugh in the morning

Banned for this is a recording.

banned for recording such useless info