Children's books that'll never get published

from JoeUser Forums

*Some of these were harvested from www.thinkgeek.com*

Children's books that'll never get published: 

'You Were An Accident'
'Strangers Have the Best Candy'
'The Little Sissy Who Snitched'
'Some Kittens Can Fly!'
'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion'
'How to Dress Sexy for Grownups'
'Getting More Chocolate on Your Face'
'Where Would You Like to Be Buried?'
'Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her'
'The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!'
'All Dogs Go to Hell'
'The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking'
'When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It'
'Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia'
'What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?'
'Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?'
'Bi-Curious George'
'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'
'Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver'
'You Are Different and That's Bad'
'Why God Burned Down Disney Land'

Got any to add?

humor
5,213 views 4 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
There goes my career in Children's Books... I wrote some of those!!

Along with...

"Why Your Mother Really Isn't Going to Marry You".

"Heather Doesn't Really Have Two Mommies, They're Just shakin' Up"

"You Won't Really See Monsters Until You Come Out of the Closet"

"When Your Lost and Scared, Go For a Swim"

"The Bully Really Doesn't Really Want Your Lunch Money, Next Time He Asks For it Laugh and Say, NO WAY JOSE!!"

And the book all kids would love (if I could get it published...)

How to Clean Grandma's Teeth with Drain-o

Is Adult Code for CANDY!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
how about some should-be seuss classics such as:
"One bitch, two bitch, red bitch, blue bitch" and "there's a pocket rocket in my socket."
Multiplicity - Control multiple PCs using one keyboard and mouse
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Funny stuff, Dharma. Here are my contributions:

'Running With Scissors Is Fun'

'Harnessing The Brat In You'

'Better Tantrums, Better Toys'

'How To Cheat Your Way Through School'

'You're Adopted - That's Why You're Ugly & Noone Likes You'
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
'Daddy Drinks Because You Cry'


This one always makes me laugh out loud!