Do you live with someone?

from JoeUser Forums
I havent lived with someone for a little while.

It's different when your used to having your own space. I seem to be doing all the housework making the place look good all the time. I seem to be doing all the cooking, and that's only because I want to eat.

Where do you draw the line? When does living with someone especially when they are your best mate, turn into being a house maid or just being flatmates? Im feeling like I am the housemaid right now, and that the friendship is turning into something different, like Im just here, and not being appreciated.
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Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Welcome to the world of all mothers, housewives and anyone else who keeps house - as you do! This was being discussed on Angela's thread yesterday in her blog about her husband being messy and other things.

It's hard when someone you share a home with lets you do all the cleaning and cooking and doesn't appreciate you. I say bring it to their attention. And when that doesn't work, do things only for you and/or strike!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's hard when someone you share a home with lets you do all the cleaning and cooking and doesn't appreciate you. I say bring it to their attention. And when that doesn't work, do things only for you and/or strike!


Thing is forever... if I dont do it then it doesnt get done, therefore I live in a mess and I really dont like living in a mess. I was brought up differently and to take pride, I know that eventually it will get done but that will take a huge effort and alot of moaning and alot of making my life miserable.

Ill see how it pans out. But a thankyou every now and then would be good.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
But a thankyou every now and then would be good.


It definately wouldn't hurt to have a thank you for all the work you do. I totally understand. Makes you wanna explode sometimes.

Hopefully there will be some solution to your situation. One can only hope.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
There is one solution, take a three week holiday on your own, that will teach appreciation.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey, P....

..you're going through now sort of what I go through every time D comes home from an extended deployment. It's hard to get used to living with someone again. However....D's always willing to help and is appreciative of the things that I do.

I don't know that L is going to be in the frame of mind to listen to you at the moment (that's based on what you said yesterday), so I'm not sure that talking to him about things right now is going to be a good idea. However, you're there, living with him...and I'm not, so I'll defer to your best judgement. You know better than I what you think his reaction will be.

Have you thought about just cooking for yourself, and cleaning/doing the washing for you and you alone? Perhaps that will speak to him louder than any words you could say.....

I'm sending good vibes your way, babe. (oh, i have news too, so if you get the chance, drop a line!)

Love you!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
take a three week holiday on your own, that will teach appreciation.


Ive thought about doing that.. well i will be heading back down south in the next week for a week so that should help out a little.

Have you thought about just cooking for yourself, and cleaning/doing the washing for you and you alone? Perhaps that will speak to him louder than any words you could say.....


Hey D.. yeah Ive thought about that.. with the cooking im basically doing that anyhow because if I want to eat I have to cook..otherwise it doesnt get done.. Ill give you an instance.. he said the other night he was going to cook.. so he took the food out of the freezer.. then he went for a drive.. (using my car, because he doesnt have one) and time was getting on.. it was 4 when he left.. then at 6 I sms him and asked him if he was ok and if he was cooking still as I was getting hungry..he messaged me back saying he was ok and that he wouldnt be long. Well I waited another hour, 2 hours and it got to 9pm I thought well he isnt coming back to cook so Ill just make myself something. He got back and said he was sorry that time got away with him, fine but after messaging him a few times wouldnt you think it would click in his head? apparently not.

Anyhow. This morning seeing how he was in a shitty mood from last night I asked him what was wrong, he said "Ill draw you a picture to make you understand".. well he said to me that I havent been fair on him by not letting him use my car whenever he wants to.. Anyhow.. firstly he doesnt have a license because he hasnt paid his fines and Im not willing to cop the bill if he gets anymore.. secondly Im not going to be feeling like shit if he drinks and drives and Im sitting at home worrying about him. Thridly he hasnt asked me if he wants to use the car, he has asked me if I was usuing the car during the day yesterday and I needed to do some stuff in town.. he would only have it sitting at his work otherwise and me stuck at home without it. Finally it's my car and I should be able to do with it whatever I want. I said to him this morning if he only asked me and not treated me like a dog then I would gladly let him use it, the thing would be to ask not presume.

Another thing that came up this morning was that before we moved up here the deal was that his work would pay for the bond and for the removals. He told me before we moved that it was taken care of and I wouldnt have to worry about it, that I was helping him out by moving up with him. Ok.. well this morning he tells me that I am getting a free ride here and that it was his money that was used (actually it was his company) and that I should pay him half the money back.

So right now I am talking to soem agencies to see if they can help me out. I am damned if I am going to let someone think that I am getting a free ride here. I even thought that once I get the money I should just give it to his company seeing it was them who forked it out in the first place and not him.

Im angry at the moment. But I have to not make it worse for myself. It's sad to know that friendship most of the time doesnt mean jack shit.

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
He got back and said he was sorry that time got away with him, fine but after messaging him a few times wouldnt you think it would click in his head?

Well, I would yeah.....but then I'm not him.


well he said to me that I havent been fair on him by not letting him use my car whenever he wants to.. Anyhow.. firstly he doesnt have a license because he hasnt paid his fines and Im not willing to cop the bill if he gets anymore.. secondly Im not going to be feeling like shit if he drinks and drives and Im sitting at home worrying about him. Thridly he hasnt asked me if he wants to use the car, he has asked me if I was usuing the car during the day yesterday and I needed to do some stuff in town.. he would only have it sitting at his work otherwise and me stuck at home without it. Finally it's my car and I should be able to do with it whatever I want.

Dude, first of all it's YOUR car. Secondly... he's driving illegally, and if he gets into an accident in dunno that your insurance will cover the damage. Thirdly....it YOUR car, P. If he wants to use it that's cool, but like you said, it should be a give and take situation.


Ok.. well this morning he tells me that I am getting a free ride here and that it was his money that was used (actually it was his company) and that I should pay him half the money back.

What the fuck is his issue? Are you sure he's not mentally ill? Because from what you've told me it seems that he's changing his mind about all kinds of stuff on an hourly basis.....the drinking and getting stoned probably have a lot to do with that, though. You ought to tell him that he can have the money back when he starts paying you for the use of your car.....

...anyway, i'm outta here. I'll see you online sometime, I'm sure.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ok Ive been chatting with my family.. what we are going to do it get the money and Im going to pay it to his company seeing it was them that forked out the money in the first place. I think it is fair then if he wants to complain to them that it was his he can do that.