Another Friday -

This is happening?

from JoeUser Forums
Another Friday night is coming and going. I sit here and try to think what has gone wrong. The one I love is out with whomever at wherever. I myself would normally go out with friends and have a drink or two (ok more than two), but work has been a bitch this week, so I took a nap this afternoon, longer than I anticipated cuz I woke up and Leno was on.

I am not really sure when this marriage turned into two people living together; roommates sharing an apartment you could say. Can I blame it on our respective careers, maybe, myself in the military always deploying; going to countries around the world. Her job, a technical school teacher, always staying late and receiving calls from nervous students. Maybe I can blame it on the careers….

That is the easy way out.

Last weekend she told me that when I PCS (permanent change of station) that she will not be going with me. Can I blame her? She has a great job with room for advancement, a promising caree in the future. Why would she want to drop it all and move someplace else. (BTW we met and married while I was in the mil so moving was a known)

I just dont know what to think anymore.


SD
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Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm sorry to hear your marriage is having trouble. At the risk of being obvious, have you tried talking to her about it?
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

Growing together takes a lot more effort than growing apart. In any marriage, growing apart is the natural way of things. Have you tried to involve yourself in things she enjoys or is interesed in? Communication, as I am sure you know, is key; this requires each spouse informing themselves about the others interests in order for the communication to be productive and fun.


Just my two bits.....

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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

I know from experience how military life impacts a marriage...but it sounds to me like you were having issues before you got orders.


Do you love each other?  As long as there is love, there is hope.


If I could give you any advice at all, it would be to NOT let the military get involved if you decide to try and salvage what you have left.  Don't go to Lifeskills or Fam Support for counselling; take it off base/post/camp.  Trust me on this one...


In the meantime, if you need to talk/chant/vent/rant/bitch or ortherwise verbalze your feelings, I'm available to listen.  [email protected] , and that's also my yahoo IM id......


Where are you PCS-ing to, and when, btw?  I'm in Illinois, at Scott AFB.

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
All -
Yes - I have talked to her - and it went nowhere...dharmagrl ....I will NOT go to life skills...dont want the mil involved..I am doing the best that I can..honestly call me crazy; but for the last year that I have not been TDY it has been the hardest....I know communication is the key, and as much as I try it is not there.. SD
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

I am doing the best that I can..honestly call me crazy; but for the last year that I have not been TDY it has been the hardest....


Sometimes TDY's are the glue that holds military marriages together.  People can get along as long as they're separated occasionally...they find that living together constantly wears on them. 


My other half went remote to Greenland for a year last year, and is scheduled to deploy to the Middle east next March....living together again after a year apart has been hard.  Really hard.


If there is no communication.....then I think that the time might have come for you both to sit down and discuss openly what you both what.  Lay your cards out on the table; and see what happens from there. 


I can tell that you love her......but is the love requited?

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

dharmagrl -

I think that being TDY has held us together. To answer your other question I am supposed to PCS to England, though since my spouse will not go with, I have thought about volunteering for Korea for a year.

I am going to throw down my cards - I don’t have anything to lose. I do love her and have always been faithful no matter what part of the globe I have been on. I know it takes two to make a marriage work; I just need to find out what her priorities are in this marriage.

SD