hehe. FOUND IT!
The "misdirected stealth bomb."
Explanation: You meant it for someone you hate but your incredible fart depth perception was a little off kilter and your weapon of immeasurable stench ended up attacking the nostrils of a perfectly innocent person. Now when they call you "Da bomb!" we all know what they are referring to!
The, "Good god was that you?!" fart.
Explanation: (Like you don't know this one)! Well, let's put it this way, she wouldn't have known it was you who farted except for the fact that you ever so indiscreetly lifted one ass cheek when you did it! What were you thinking? Even those hardly ever bathed and stinkin' to high heaven French people are gasping! "Monsieur vous êtes répugnant!" (If you are French please do not take offense...just a oui er I mean, wee joke).
The "Reeking underwater missile."
Explanation: You ate a very gastro-intestinally challenged meal and took a bath only to find (oh happiness!) you could make your very own brand of bubbles! I don't think this brand of Mr. Bubble will be making it to the market any time soon!
The "political fallout" fart.
Explanation: It was just another boring argument between two morons full of hot air representing their political affiliations, only one of 'em let some of that hot air out of his big, blubbery, white ass and was hence forever known as "trumpet butt." Needless to say, Señor Loco's 7-layer fiesta dip was never served again before a speech! (-and you don't even wanna know what was in that 7th layer)! Muy stinky!!!!!!
The "Popcorn Fart."
Explanation: This is one of the more comedic and less harsh farts. The name refers mostly to the sound the fart makes, usually sounding like the small little explosions that popping popcorn makes. This is actually one of the more enjoyable and even entertaining farts since it usually doesn't pack quite the load of stench that the others do. Also, these gaseous wonders usually come from the same, sweet -albeit blithering idiots who like to sit and sniff their finger for pure unashamed fun.
The "Chili challenger explosion."
Explanation: You went to a chili "cook off" and your pot of chili won first prize! Just as they were about to pin the blue ribbon on you...somebody lit a match. Oh the humanity!
"Dirty, stinkin' Harry."
Explanation: "I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. --But being as this is a .44 caliber rectum, the most powerful asshole in the world, and would blow your head clean off, not to mention I had a cabbage and bean feast over at Señor Loco's and with that kind of ammo... well, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?"
The "The Cajun couch-cushion crime."
Explanation: Someone has left the scene of the couch but didn't take everything with them. How you ask? Well, the farter was able to quietly steam-inject a "rotten-Ralph" (a Cajun-food fart that measures 8.0 on the rectum scale) into the couch cushion. Unfortunately for you, you made the mistake of sitting on that exact cushion and up came the noxious gas! Now, not only are you suffering at the bowels of some stranger but now everyone in the room thinks you did the dirty deed!
The "Wall crawling scud missile."
Explanation: The hang time on this fart is so long it clings to the walls for hours upon torturous hours...it could be used as a weapon of mass destruction against the enemy but it's not as accurate as some.
The "Silent but deadly booty-bomb."
Explanation: Because human ears can’t hear it, the victim unknowingly inhales and tastes it before they know what hit them. Ewwwwwww! As you scan the faces for the culpable party and you spot the person trying to hide their guilty grin you conclude to ponder that this must be where the saying "shit eating grin" came from.
The "Stanky blanky attack."
Explanation: The farter is able to sneakily hide the bomb tucked carefully under the covers until the unknowing fartee climbs into bed beside the cheerful farter and "whoooooosh!" is assaulted in a most unbecoming fashion! Get the gas mask! It's chaos in there!
The "Meanie Beanie car ride."
Explanation: The drive home from Señor Loco's Bean Emporium restaurant left you trapped in a small-enclosed vehicle in the middle of winter with the evil farter (who is wearing a sadistic, self-satisfied grin) and you have no escape! AHHHHHHHHH! Get outta there before the farter craps on you!
The dreaded "Killer Isle nose burner leavins'."
Explanation: You are innocently shopping in the grocery store, hungry and thinking of all the good food around you when you are hit by a farter's leftover stink bomb secretly deposited in one of the isles! You are so overcome with fresh stank that you wonder if perhaps there's a steaming pile of crap hiding here, after all this is the toilet paper section. Clean up on isle nine! So much for those hunger pangs!
The "Jedi knight stench-saber fart-off."
Explanation: You are Luke Fartknocker and it's fart to fart combat with your dreaded archenemy "Fart Vapor" and you must aim your Jedi stink-blasters at each other and fart to the death! Master Yoda would be so proud. "Ohhh, smell you I can." All those long nights teaching you the ways of the stinking "force" and look how far you've come! Oh these are the truly special moments. *Wee tear*
The "Brown stainer" or "Poopsy oopsy doopsy."
Explanation: The farter pushed a little too hard and the once white underwear are in serious doo-doo, it might be time to invest in a bottle of brown dye No. 2 for those tidy whities ain't so brighty no more! On second thought, just throw that pair away would ya?! (Use some sterile tongs and some rubber gloves for proper disposal of those).
The "Just one sniff aroma coma."
Explanation: One whiff of this frighteningly potent and powerful fart (about a 10.0 on the rectum-scale) will cause even the most fart-hardened fartees to slip into a temporary aroma coma after only one inhalation! Though not considered lethal, it will leave the fartee wishing it had been! Good Lord! You're going to have to be in "aroma therapy" for years after this nasal trauma!
The "Nose hair curler."
Explanation: You didn't realize just how harsh that one really was until you glanced in the mirror and noticed your nostrils had a new "perm." Fortunately, this Bunsen burner is only about a 5.0 on the rectum scale.
The "Serious sulfur shacaca slam."
Explanation: Atomic number 16. Atomic weight 32.064. This fart is akin to lifting the lid off a bowl of month old egg salad. Not for the faint of "f" heart.
The "Reeky, sneaky sewer leaker."
Explanation: These serious health threats are the cause of many public evacuations. Often these indiscriminate, random acts of stinky sabotage keep decent, fart-retaining people from venturing out of their homes! Can't these fart crimes be stopped?! Where are the pucker police when ya need 'em?!
The "Stanky hanky panky" death cloud nookie diffuser.
Explanation: There was love in the air, the moment was heated, you clung to each other in the throws of passion...when an unearthly stench comes from what can only be described as the "bowels of hell" but unfortunately was from your dear albeit stinky beloved.
The "H-bomb revenge."
Explanation: You hate your job, you hate your boss but you can't afford to quit! What do you do? You decide your only means of getting back at all of them is to eat garlic, onions and beans at Señor Loco's every morning so you can fart in your tiny, cramped cubicle and reek them out every time they approach your haze of unbearable stinky-ness! Gee, you even get less work now! Ahhhh revenge is sweet...er stinky but sweet! Mwaaaaa haaaaaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaa!
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