Stardock will be closed for the week starting on Monday, June 29th and we will be returning on Monday, July 6th. We will be monitoring support tickets and forums during this time but expect delays in responses during this time.
WinCustomize Forums
A sailor went into a bar.
The bartender said... "do you know you have a ship's wheel stuck down the front of your pants?"
The sailor replied... "Yes, it's driving me nuts."
A man goes into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.
The barman asked... "where'd you get that?"
The monkey replied..."It started as a wart on my arse."
Three men ran into a bar.
You'd think the first one would have warned the other two.
why is a screaming baby like a football?
cause as soon as its handed to you, you pass it to someone else..
hahhaha
A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."
The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck,
goes back in and asks, "How's this?"
The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."
A skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop......
A man walks into a bar sits down and orders a round for the House. The bartender smiles serves up the round heads over to the fellow and says the House thanks you that will be $65.00.
About this time a short man jumps out of the fellows pocket with the devil's look in his eye. The short little fellow runs down the bar kicking over everyone's drink's into their laps, bends over and blow's the wind into a lady's face runs back to the bartender and pees all over him and finally jumps back into the man's pocket.
The bartender becomes enraged "NOW SEE HERE THAT'S NO WAY FOR YOUR LITTLE FRIEND TO BE ON ABOUT, I MIGHT LET YOU STAY IF YOU PAY THE DAMAGES BUT YOUR FRIEND HAS TO LEAVE NOW!!!"
The man hangs his head, stammers a bit but, composes himself and says, "he isn't my friend".
"THEN WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING IN YOUR POCKET", the bartender yells.
"Well all I can say is if you are ever walking down the beach and you you should come across an old lantern DON'T pick it up and NEVER wish for a 12 inch prick.
This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down.
Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."
So, a snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor."
A blind man walks into a bar and says 'Ouch!'
A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar and the bartender says "Is this a joke?'
A termite walks into a bar and asks 'Where is the bar tender?'
A mute walks into a bar and says
A dog with his foot wrapped in a bloody bandage hobbles into a Western saloon. He pushes up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man that shot my paw.”
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barman says, “We’ve got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Kevin?”
An infectious disease walks into a bar.
The bartender says, ‘We don’t serve infectious diseases here,’ and the infectious disease says, ‘Well, you’re not a very good host.
guy walks into a bar...sits down and orders 5 shots of whiskey...does all 5 shots...bartender says wow ive never seen anyone do 5 shots of whiskey like that...guy says "if you had what I had..." bartender asks sorrowfully "what do you have?" guy replies..."2 Dollars"
Hooker walks into a bar and orders a stiff one.
And why do they call it a 'stiff' drink when one too many means you go all limp and can't stand up properly?
How do you know when an elephant's been in the saloon? There's no peanuts left on the bar and the rest room is broken.
Guy walks into a bar .. bartender says.. Hi, I'm Jake and I'm an alcoholic.
It wasn't really a bar. 
A White Russian walks into a bar, Bartender says, Hey, weve got a drink named after you, The White Russian says.. you have a drink called Anastasia Kleybanovoiskoreishego ????
.. well, at least I don't Google my jokes 
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’ll have a whiskey and......................soda.’ The bartender says, ‘Why the big pause?’ ‘Dunno,’ says the bear. ‘I’ve always had them.’
Oh Dear..... ok ok.... Horse walks into a bar, Bartender says.. Why the long face?
Drunken dwarf walks into a bar and is told to "get out" for being too intoxicated: "Not to worry," he splutters: "I've been 'thrown' out of better bars than this one."
a neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer?..... the bartender says... "for you, no charge".... 
love it.. 
"Hey, are you that same piece of string I told to get lost?"
The string replies:
"No...I'm a frayed knot."
A man walks into a bar, and while he's waiting for his drink he notices the bar owners dog licking its nuts.
"I wish I could do that" he says to the bartender, and the bartender replies " ask him nicely, he might let you!"
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says to himself, I really want a drink."
When the gay bartender approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your penis?"
The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It really Satisfies.' “
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him; he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "Timex."
The thirsty cowboy asks, "Why Timex?"
The fell’a proudly replies, "Because it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two, fella’s on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "Ford, because Quality is Job One." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
The guy next to him then says, "I call mine Chevy... Like a Rock!" and gives a wink.
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is Secret.
Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"
The cowboy says, "Because it's
STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE
FOR A WOMAN!"
A man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink.
He then notices a Jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender then says that he has a donkey in the back room and if anyone can make him him laugh they win the money. If not they owe me 100 dollars.
The man says I can do it!
So he goes into the back room and about 5 minutes later the bartender hears the donkey laughing out loud. The man walks out and takes the money from the jar, thanks the bartender, and leaves.
About a month later the man comes back into the bar and there is a new jar of money. The man asks the bartender what the new jar of money is for.
The bartender looks at the man and says if you can make the donkey cry the money is yours, if not you owe me 100 dollars. The man says ok I'll do it!
He walks into the back room and about 2 minutes has goes by when the bartender hears the donkey crying. The man walks out and grabs the money out of the jar, but before the man leaves the bartender asks, "How did you make the donkey laugh?"
The man looks at the bartender and says, "Well I just told the donkey that I had a bigger dick than him".
"Well how the heck did you make him cry?" asks the bartender?
"I showed him."
Sara Jessica Parker walks into a bar, Bartender says.. Why the long face?
Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
............... ( 
) 
- 
