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Marriage Under Fire

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Marriage Under Fire

We Need To Put Out The Fire, Not Add To It

from JoeUser Forums

My home state of Maine is once again going to the polls tomorrow to vote on yet another homosexual issue.  This time it's on whether or not homosexual marriage should be legalized.  So far every state that puts this to a vote brings another loss to the homosexual movement.  Not one state to date has had an affirmation by popular vote for homosexual marriage.    

I know we hear and get caught up in some very emotional reasons as to why we should allow this but we really need to take a good look at what's going on in our culture when it comes to marriage and how it's affecting our children already. 

Marriage is under attack.  There was a time when going to the altar was a sacred committment that meant something.  Until death due us part.  Remember that?   There was a time when a man and a woman were united as one, raised a family and sat back to enjoy the fruits of their labor in the benefits we call grandchildren.  We still see some old dinosaurs out there who are still hanging on trying to keep the traditional home fires burning in a controlled sort of way, but it's getting to be a thing of the past more and more.  We have now abandoned the home fires which are now burning out of control. 

What has happened to all that?  Where did we go wrong?  Is it  religion being taken out of our culture bit by bit?  The invention of the pill leading up to a sexual revolution starting back in the 60's?  Women working outside the home leaving husband and children to fend for themselves much of the time?   Entertainment?  Computers? 

Heterosexuals haven't done such a great job in the marriage business these last 30 or 40 years but legalizing homosexual marriage isn't the answer.  Marriage is on fire, and legalizing homosexual marriage is like adding gasoline to a blaze already burning out of control. 

We are seeing the evidence of this in our kids.  They are hurting.  They have been burnt and are now suffering the consequences of marriages gone aflame.  If you listen carefully you can actually hear the dull roar of the fire as it quickly spreads.  This roar is angry, loud and invasive. 

Look around.  Have you not noticed the anger in our culture especially the younger generation?  It's all making sense.  What do we need to do to put this fire out?  Anger manifests itself in many ways.  Anger acts out. 

Let me tell you what I saw yesterday.  I saw seven hurting (last week there were 12) teenagers in Sunday School.  Not one comes from a traditional homelife.  Every single one of them is missing at least one parent in their lives.  The common denominator is anger and frustration. 

There's nothing like a big batch of homemade cookes to get a bunch of teens to warm up to you.  Within moments we started to hear their heart wrenching stories.  Some I've already posted on an earlier blog. 

Our topic on this morning was anger.  We taught them how we should be slow to speak, quick to hear and slow to anger.  Doing so will alleviate many troubles in their lives and will save them from dire consequences.  They were all too eager to share their problems with us about their emotional abusive step-fathers or in the case of one girl, a brother-in-law  married to her sister who was raising her. 

Where are the real biological parents?  Why so many broken marriages?   In the case of this girl, her sister is 22 years older than her and no talk of any mother or father in the picture.  I'm guessing without this sister and her husband this 14 year old would be in foster care.  She's a beautiful young 14 year old girl. 

One boy has so much anger he has a court date next week to address it.  He's now 18, follows me around showing me his notebook on how he's trying to change his life.  I had the feeling he needs mothering.  His father has been married at least 3 times and has two younger kids with his third wife who doesn't seem to be in the picture now. 

Another boy I'll call JU sat in a back corner with his hat on backwards hardly looking at us.  He wouldn't pick up the book, read along with us or share in the conversation.  While I still know nothing about JU we got a report back this morning that immediately after Sunday School he pulled out of church a man he knew and wanted to talk about his anger issues.  The older man said to my husband "I don't know what you taught about in class yesterday but it sure made an impression on JU.  Enough to pull me out of church to talk to him for over a half hour." 

Every child needs a mom and a dad.  For a child to feel safe and secure he needs both of his parents to stay strong and committed not only to him but to each other.  The best way a father can show a son about love is to show it for his wife.  The best way a daughter can learn about how a woman should love and respect her husband is by watching her mother.   What kinds of models do these kids have? 

We seem so worried about the deficit and how it will affect our next generation but what about the trail of broken marriages leaving angry and displaced kids all over the place? 

We need to go back and try to fix what's broken not add another dimension to an already troubled institution. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14,672 views 104 replies
Reply #101 from JoeUser Forums Top

This is all showing us that our children need their parents. They need a mom and a dad that are committed to each other and love each other.
End of quote
Very true words. But there are sadly enough examples out there to show that a marriage is not automatically a good marriage just because it is a man and woman who married. It questions the validity of your earlier statement somewhere that gave traditional marriage automatic moral value. If there are so many examples of how a marriage can destroy the children or the spouse, one should define the values that make up a good relationship or parenthood individually. And I am sure that a few homosexual couples qualify as persons that fit the bill of what a relationship should be, independant from the gender of the personss in the realtionship. Many "normal" married couples probably do not fit those moral values of what a good and healthy realtionship should be like. The question is on what you do in those cases, because you can't check people out thoroughly before allowing the to have children like it is the norm for people who apply to adopt children.

 

Reply #102 from JoeUser Forums Top

The statement that Chldren need both parents is true, but it is possible for single parents to bring up their children in a decent way (either because they're not married or because they're widdowed) and so the parameters for good parenthood should not be restricted to gender.

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Reply #103 from JoeUser Forums Top

I've already gone on record to say that the traditional heterosexual marriages haven't been doing a good job these days but that doesn't mean that homosexual marriages are going to be any better or help anything.  In fact, in the few cases involving children, they fare even worse. So added to the mix, we're going in the wrong direction. That's my point. 

I've seen a few very messy homosexual divorces or breakups involving the kids and I know I wouldn't want to be the judge untangling that mess. 

Imagine the scenerios.   You have two moms both biologically having children.  Maybe they have 3-4.   They are one big happy family and then...divorce/breakup hits.  How do we separate these kids?  What about visitation?  Then, the two moms get re-married or hook up with two other women.  Now these kids have 4 moms and no dads.   Think about the grandparenting?   I've already seen some nightmarish situations regarding grandparenting with his, hers, and ours in traditional heterosexual marriages when grandparents only recognize their own biological grandchild ignoring the others. 

What about the dads who both donate sperm to a doner who hands baby over to the dads nine months later not knowing (by choice) who the real dad is so they can be equal dads?    What about if they get divorced?  Who gets the kid (s)?  What if one is proved to be the biological child and the other dad has none?  What about the other dad's right? 

There's a ton more.  But you get the idea.  We're walking into a nightmare when it comes to child rearing and you think we have angry, frustrated kids now?   

 

Reply #104 from JoeUser Forums Top

I wasn't lobbying for gay couples, married or otherwise, to have children or saying that that was the solution. My post was about naming the essential values that make up a good good, committed and loving relationship and parenthood.

I stand by my statement that if checked against a catalogue of values, most couples probably do not fit the bill for either good relationship/marriage nor good parenthood. Neither is something restricted to opposite sex couples. But if a gay couple has the qualities to make a great realtionship and to be good parents, there is no reason why that can't work out and has to fail. In fact, gay couples were reduced to the sexual aspect of a relaionship in this thread. IMO that is not enough to decide if a relationship is good or not.

The foregone conclusion you seem to have is that if you allow gay couples to have children, it will only make things much much worse because they are not able to be good parents nor have a commited loving relationship. But I think that  those are qualities of individual people. Some have them and some don't, it is not gender related.