The Saddest story Ever Told

The Truth Comes out

from JoeUser Forums

I have two daughters One who I speak with on a regular basis named Bobbi and one who I have not spoken to in 10 Years names Jennifer. This is the story about why Jennifer and I have not spoken.

Ten years ago I was still drugging and drinking, I would drug and drink to a blackout so many times I would have no idea what I was doing.

Let me give a little history about myself, I have always been very proud of the fact I have never laid hands on a female in anger, in any way shape or form, never pushed, pulled, hit, grabbed or touched one in anger, period!

When I asked Jennifer why she stopped talking to me I had thought it was about leaving her mother, but boy was I wrong, she told me I had hit her during a blackout and had a witness to the deed. naturally I was crushed beyond all words, I did not believe it, My ex-wife did not believe it either neither did Bobbi my other daughter, but one small part of my brain thought anything is possible and I have been carrying this unrelenting guilt around for ten years, just the possibility I might have laid hands on Jennifer.

Yesterdays Colleen and I spent Thanksgiving with my old family in Sonoma, everyone was there including Trey the so called witness to the deed; it was a good time but I kept away from Jennifer and Trey, finally Trey and I crossed paths and I sucked up all my raging fear and asked the dreaded question, "Trey? did you ever see me hit Jennifer?" expecting the worse. It was the worse; she told me "no Elie I never saw anything like that" Needless to say I was stunned, Trey reached out and touched my arm as she could see the pain in my eyes, I was so blown away, How could Jennifer tell a lie like that? Knowing what it would do to me? I turned around, grabbed Colleen and said "we gotta go honey" said my good byes and we left.

I explained to Colleen what happened in the car on the way home, Colleen was outraged and sad. Today in the light of morning I am so incredibly sad I almost can't breath, that my youngest would go for my throat like that,.

4,726 views 25 replies
Reply #1 from Stardock Forums Top

I'm sorry for your pain MM.  Hopefully someday your daughter will talk to you and be able to explain why she felt compelled to lie and cause you such pain.

Reply #2 from Stardock Forums Top

Good Afternoon MM,

It is reprehensible that people do what they do. How to explain?  Can such things be explained?  And would it really matter if we knew?   I think sometimes we beat our heads against the wall trying to figure out people's behavior, especially hurtful behavior.  In the end, we never really know and all we've done is subject ourselves to torment.

 

At this point, be happy you have family, that you are sober, and that you can breathe.   Let the rest take care of itself.  Be well.

 

Shabbat Shalom.

 

Siege of Centauri
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

Wow Elie, that truly is sad. I can only imagine how much it hurts, but forgiveness does ease those pains somewhat.

Peace my friend.

Reply #4 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting terpfan1980, reply 1
I'm sorry for your pain MM.  Hopefully someday your daughter will talk to you and be able to explain why she felt compelled to lie and cause you such pain.
End of terpfan1980's quote

I have a feeling this rift will never be healed, she has turned inti a stranger to her whole family, while I sat with my ex-wife,, Colleen my new wife, my daughter and her husband my ex-mother in law the three grand children from my daughter Bobbi and Sean, Jennifer sat alone, no one in the family wanted anything to do with her. No one believed I had hit her in the first place, neither did I, but one small part of my brain kept saying anything is possible, I was in a blackout.

Reply #5 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting Sodaiho, reply 2
Good Afternoon MM,It is reprehensible that people do what they do. How to explain?  Can such things be explained?  And would it really matter if we knew?   I think sometimes we beat our heads against the wall trying to figure out people's behavior, especially hurtful behavior.  In the end, we never really know and all we've done is subject ourselves to torment. At this point, be happy you have family, that you are sober, and that you can breathe.   Let the rest take care of itself.  Be well. Shabbat Shalom. 
End of Sodaiho's quote

Such kindness, thank you, and I have forgiven her, I just cannot forget.

Reply #6 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting MasonM, reply 3
Wow Elie, that truly is sad. I can only imagine how much it hurts, but forgiveness does ease those pains somewhat.Peace my friend.
End of MasonM's quote

Peace came quickly Mason as soon as I found out the truth, the new pain was not as damaging as I thought it would be.

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

I'm sorry Elie. I wished I had some wise words but I do not. Just '"try to love and let it be" is all that comes to mind.

Reply #8 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting RoyLevosh, reply 7
I'm sorry Elie. I wished I had some wise words but I do not. Just '"try to love and let it be" is all that comes to mind.
End of RoyLevosh's quote

I am afraid love has temporarily died concerning Jennifer, the wounds are to deep right now.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

No Elie, I think the love is there, just no like.  I hope both of you can put it behind you in time.  LIfe is too short as we all find out in the end.

God Speed Elie.  YOu are a good man, and I think in time she will see that.

Reply #10 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting Dr, reply 9
No Elie, I think the love is there, just no like.  I hope both of you can put it behind you in time.  LIfe is too short as we all find out in the end.God Speed Elie.  YOu are a good man, and I think in time she will see that.
End of Dr's quote

Jennifer has become so self centered no one in the family wants to have anything to do with her, period, it's like she has been taken over by some kind of DEMON not an evil one just a selfish, mean spirited one, full of misguided rage and anger at the world. I have hope My sweet loving child will return, because this one is NOT the person I once adored.

Reply #11 from Stardock Forums Top

Indeed a sad story. Does she know you know the truth now? I hope she can see the light and your relationship can be saved. Life is too short.

I am afraid love has temporarily died concerning Jennifer, the wounds are to deep right now.
End of quote

I think the love is definitely still there otherwise it wouldn't hurt so much. God bless and good luck.

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top

Hey MM,

No one seems to be able to hurt us like family can. 

My brother when I was in Junior High told me to my face that he wished I was never born and that I was NOT his brother.  Being that I was the younger sibling and lacked the ability to decipher this I was quite devasted!  Before anyone says that, oh he probably didn't mean it.  Well, after he said this he wouldn't speak to me, recognize me, or associate with me.  This took place until pretty much I was in college.  Sure we have moments where I thought it was over but those moments were short lived compared to the previous.

MM, I'm gonna send you something I wrote awhile back about my father.  I am hoping that it shed some light in this case. 


Keep the faith my good friend!

Reply #13 from Stardock Forums Top

If you find out why she felt the need to lie about it, you may discover the real issue between the two of you.  She obviously wanted to hurt you.  Why?

Reply #14 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting uDigItTheMost, reply 11
Indeed a sad story. Does she know you know the truth now? I hope she can see the light and your relationship can be saved. Life is too short.I am afraid love has temporarily died concerning Jennifer, the wounds are to deep right now.I think the love is definitely still there otherwise it wouldn't hurt so much. God bless and good luck.
End of uDigItTheMost's quote

When I found out I immediately left the party before I would have ruined it for everyone, I don't know if Trey {the so called witness} confronted Jennifer about the situation.

Reply #15 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting Adventure-Dude, reply 12
Hey MM,No one seems to be able to hurt us like family can. My brother when I was in Junior High told me to my face that he wished I was never born and that I was NOT his brother.  Being that I was the younger sibling and lacked the ability to decipher this I was quite devasted!  Before anyone says that, oh he probably didn't mean it.  Well, after he said this he wouldn't speak to me, recognize me, or associate with me.  This took place until pretty much I was in college.  Sure we have moments where I thought it was over but those moments were short lived compared to the previous.MM, I'm gonna send you something I wrote awhile back about my father.  I am hoping that it shed some light in this case. Keep the faith my good friend!
End of Adventure-Dude's quote

I am going to chjeck my E-mail asap, anything that would help deaden the pain would be most welcome.

Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

Quoting Tova7, reply 13
If you find out why she felt the need to lie about it, you may discover the real issue between the two of you.  She obviously wanted to hurt you.  Why?
End of Tova7's quote

The only reason I could think of is her mother and I split, but she was 21 when that happened, other wise I can see no reason for cutting me apart like this.

Reply #17 from Stardock Forums Top

Wow, Elie, that is a sad for you to find out. I'm sorry to hear the pain caused by all this.  Hopefully you will get to talk to her and find out why, because only she can say why.  I know it might never happen because of the way things are, and her alienation of all of you, but hopefully if she does rach out, that will happen for you. :inlove:

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top

I am going to chjeck my E-mail asap, anything that would help deaden the pain would be most welcome.
End of quote

My apologies my friend I thought I had the file here with me.  I will have to do it tonight from a source I KNOW it is.

Reply #19 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting Adventure-Dude, reply 18
I am going to chjeck my E-mail asap, anything that would help deaden the pain would be most welcome.My apologies my friend I thought I had the file here with me.  I will have to do it tonight from a source I KNOW it is.
End of Adventure-Dude's quote

Yeh I kinda thought there was some kinda glitch when I opened my E-mail and there was nothing from you. I await your email patiently.

Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top

Yeh I kinda thought there was some kinda glitch when I opened my E-mail and there was nothing from you. I await your email patiently.
End of quote


*Ding* <with sexy female voice> You've got mail big guy!

 

 

Reply #21 from Stardock Forums Top

MM...we don't know each other although I would welcome the chance to do so.

Tova7 was correct when she said there must be a reason. I don't know what that might be, but she obviously carries anger/rage over something.

Perhaps she might be receptive to the idea of therapy if it were broached by her sister...to include you as well. Perhaps in a "neutral" setting she might (eventually) be ready to reveal the source of this anger.

I assume you went thru a 12 step type program  in which one step would be apologizing to people you have wronged, provided such an apology wouldn't cause more pain to that person.

Clearly, I don't advise trying to do this in a one on one.

In any event, I'm sorry for your shock and pain, and proud of your progress. Good luck, and peace...

DrJ

Reply #22 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting DrJBHL, reply 21
MM...we don't know each other although I would welcome the chance to do so.Tova7 was correct when she said there must be a reason. I don't know what that might be, but she obviously carries anger/rage over something.Perhaps she might be receptive to the idea of therapy if it were broached by her sister...to include you as well. Perhaps in a "neutral" setting she might (eventually) be ready to reveal the source of this anger.I assume you went thru a 12 step type program  in which one step would be apologizing to people you have wronged, provided such an apology wouldn't cause more pain to that person.Clearly, I don't advise trying to do this in a one on one.In any event, I'm sorry for your shock and pain, and proud of your progress. Good luck, and peace...DrJ
End of DrJBHL's quote

When this all started, I asked her why she stopped talking to me, her answer was "in a blackout you hit me"  and then she said "trey" her friend witnesses it. I found out later from Trey this was a lie. She is not ready to tell the truth and her sister Bobbi wants nothing to do with her, so I am sort of stuck here in limbo.

Reply #23 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting Adventure-Dude, reply 20
Yeh I kinda thought there was some kinda glitch when I opened my E-mail and there was nothing from you. I await your email patiently.*Ding* <with sexy female voice> You've got mail big guy!  
End of Adventure-Dude's quote

Will check mail now!

Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top

THANK YOU AD, I will be keeping this and reading it over and over time to time, lots of good old fashioned common sense wisdom in there, thank you so much for sharing this with me, truly you are a friend!.

 

Elie

Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top

THANK YOU AD, I will be keeping this and reading it over and over time to time, lots of good old fashioned common sense wisdom in there, thank you so much for sharing this with me, truly you are a friend!.
End of quote

Well, thank you my friend.