Who understands us teens?

No offense to any adults, but they always say they know what it's like because they've been there done that. But times have changed, things are a little bit different now.

~carebear~

No offense to any adults, but they always say they know what it's like because they've been there done that. But times have changed, things are a little bit different now.

That's exactly what I said when I was 15. 

Seems things might not have changed as much as you think....

blondlife,

No one likes to be disrespected, regardless of their age.

Do you honestly believe that "all" adults do not understand "all" teens "all" of the time? I find your statements to be extreme as well as disrespectful to those adults who might be particularly insightful when it comes to teenage desires and beliefs. These latter people might side with you on your statements, even despite the fact that you just lumped them in to a blanket generality.

I think that whether you like the idea or not, that as you grow older you will find that the very reason adults say the things they do to you is the very proof that they DO understand you -, and fear for you - and care enough about you to say something to you. I'm 100% sure that all of them have been teenagers, and I'm also 100% sure they were all teenagers before you were. That you ignore this fact is insulting, actually, but I'm going to guess that it never occurred to you.

You're hardly the first teenager that ever wanted to be attributed a value without having to work to earn that value. Welcome to Earth. If you want to be understood, you might have to work harder at it than you do.

And by the way, how well do you think you understand adults? Are you asking something from them that you don't give?

You aren't granted understanding by virtue of the fact that you take up space. Let me make that a bit clearer. You want to be understood, but read your own writing again. Do you do everything you can to be understood? If you want to be understood, whose responsibility is it to make you "understandable"...yours or the adults?

A student of Zen philosophy, a young man, sat in his Master's garden to meditate one day. After a certain time had passed the student saw his Master approaching him, carrying in his hand a naked and very beautiful sword.

The Master placed the sword at the student's feet and said "Meditate upon this question: from whence comes the beauty of this sword." Then the Master departed, leaving the student alone. Again a certain time passed, till the Master once more stood before his student. "What is your answer?" the Master asked the student. This was the student's reply.

"Master. The beauty of this sword comes from its forging and quenching, from the many and dreadful blows it sustained in its making, and from its adornment by the hand of the swordsmith who made it."

The Master nodded once. Then he said "Now meditate upon this: if a sword in its making could know pain would this sword not have known much pain in its making? And if the making of a sword were to give birth to pain, how much more so the making of a man?"

Kid, if your life hurts it means you're learning. And all the rest of it is immaterial bullshit. Stop asking questions and go live your life. You'll be happier, and so will the adults around you who won't have to listen to your bitching when they give you advice you don't like.

~~DivasRule~~

As a fairly recent teenager (I'm 22 now) I'll toss in my perspective on this.

Adults tend to dismiss teenagers for two reasons:
1) Teens tend to think they have all the answers to all of life's really tough questions
2) They think that the times they live in are infinitely more complex/difficult/dangerous/confusing than what anyone else could have ever gone through

I've seen way too many friends butt heads with parents because they think their parents just don't understand a given situation, when it tended 9 times out of 10 to be my friend who had no clue. Keep in mind that a lot of parents of current teenagers lived through the 60s and 70s, arguably not exactly a straight-forward and simple time. Drugs, violence, a lack of direction plagued our parents as teenagers too, just as they plague us today. Believe it or not, they did go through a lot of the same crap. When they say they understand, they probably do, but they have the benefit of hindsight to better judge how the situation needed to be handled.

Real understanding comes in the form of experience, I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but it's true. Yes, some experience comes from making mistakes, but some mistakes are so major that it is a parents' duty to try and help their kids to avoid it. An example of this is how one of my friends said she was truely, deeply and madly in love with some guy... her parents tried to caution her about safe sex/asked her not to until she was at least an adult (she was 16 at the time). She blew them off saying they just didn't understand how she felt, and how she knew nothing bad would happen. They were trying to protect her from a potentially serious mistake (STDs and pregnancy). She was lucky in the guy ditched her because she wouldn't put out quick enough (the guy later got another girl pregnant and ran out on her).

The older you get the more you'll realize that there are seldom any right answers, you'll lose a lot of that ego ("We know and understand some things that adults don't even understand"). Adults do tend to have a good idea of where you're coming from, and in most cases they do understand the consequences and the outcomes better than you can because they have experienced or seen them.

You'll find that adults become far less dismissive the less cocky a teenager acts towards them. Interact with adults like an adult and they will treat you as such. Come off saying "You just don't understand!" only makes you sound petulant (I know I spelled that wrong) and reenforces the teen stereotype.

Do you honestly believe that "all" adults do not understand "all" teens "all" of the time?

I said most adults don't understand. Most of them don't even though they say they do just like carebear said. SO that wasn't suppose to be offensive. But do think of it as you want to. Also i didn't want anyone getting mad.

~blondelife~

Teenagers don't understand as much as they think they do, but the same holds true for many adults. Still, teenagers should understand that there are many adults who although they don't understand the intricate details (I doubt anybody understands anybody else that well, except perhaps an identical twin?), they understand the consequences.

It's like seeing a movie with a twist. When one sees such a movie in its entirety, his or her perception of the entire movie might change. For example, that episode of Friends where Phoebe finds out about the real endings of movies such as Old Yeller, Bambi, etc.

Kid, if your life hurts it means you're learning. And all the rest of it is immaterial bullshit. Stop asking questions and go live your life. You'll be happier, and so will the adults around you who won't have to listen to your bitching when they give you advice you don't like.

I never said anything about stupid things. These are questions that i want to know and if you don't want to hear this so called bullshit don't come and read my articles. I asked a question and said some statements. I will live my life the way i want. The way i am living it right now works fine for me. So you don't need to bash on me because of this article. If you don't like it then don't reply.

~blondelife~

carebear,

To claim that adults don't understand teenagers is just as divisive as adults who don't respect teens. The very statement you made shows a disrespect for adults, which often leads to a mutual disrespect.

Please explain what we don't understand. Pressures to have sex, drink, do drugs? Umm, sorry to tell you, but they were there for our generation as well. I came from a side of town with a nearly 50% dropout rate due to drug use. I didn't fit because I came from the "wrong side of the tracks", so I couldn't hang with the rich kids, and I was a serious student, so I couldn't hang with the stoners from my side of town.

There may be a few specifics of the youth culture that have changed (hip-hop instead of big hair, that kind of thing), but the problems that the youth undergo are timeless. The fact that "Romeo and Juliet" was written over 400 years ago and shows a side of youth that is VERY contemporary (gang warfare, class division, teen suicide), goes a long way towards showing that the problems of youth aren't as contemporary as you think.

Zoomba's comment reminds me of a recent illustration someone gave:

A man was walking home one day and saw the coccoon of an emperor moth. Being fascinated by nature, he took the coccoon home, and placed it in a little terrarium, eagerly awaiting the day when the beautiful moth would emerge.

The day came, and the moth began pulling itself from the coccoon, slowly and tentatively. The beauty from its emerging wings was breathtaking. At a certain point, the moth stopped, and did not move for some time. The man, fearing the moth was stuck, gingerly grabbed the coccoon and cut it open, releasing the moth to help it along. The body that was still within the coccoon was swollen, and the wings were shrivelled. The man figured it was part of the process, that as the moth grew, the wings and body would become normal. They never did, and the moth spent its short life with shrivelled wings and a swollen body, unable to fly, and only able to crawl around on the ground. The pain and struggle that it took to extricate itself from the coccoon were necessary for producing the glorious creature it was meant to become.

In short, carebear, we do understand. Life is extremely tough as a teenager (one of my statements is that I HATE hearing people spread the lie that "these are the best days of your life; they aren't). Some of us understand more than you know, and it would do you well to consider the wise words of the more knowledgeable of the older generation."

I said most adults don't understand. Most of them don't even though they say they do just like carebear said. SO that wasn't suppose to be offensive. But do think of it as you want to. Also i didn't want anyone getting mad.

I'm 21 and speaking from a not too distant future for you teenagers here, I still regret thinking when adults (who clearly had more wisdom than me) gave me advice that they just didn't understand.  Most of the mistakes I made when I was younger could have been avoidable had I been more open to advice.  Wisdom it seems is more valuable than knowledge. 

I said most adults don't understand. Most of them don't even though they say they do just like carebear said. SO that wasn't suppose to be offensive. But do think of it as you want to. Also i didn't want anyone getting mad.

I am also willing to make a wager that by 25 you will think differently about this.

I think i figured something out. Everyone on here has differant opionons about everything and all it does is make us fight and it doesn't help. I don't think teenagers are hostile or mean or a lot of other things. Other people might. SO it doesn't matter noone needs to get mad at anyone else. Oh well lets start again with this article cause it seems like i am getting people mad and i don't want to do that. So i apologize and lets just forget it what is said is said to late to go back.

~blondelife~

I don't have a guard up though. I am here to listen to whatever anyone has to say. I really do try to listen as well as i can. Thank you for trying to help me everyone. I think this might be one of the questions that i have to work out with what other people feel. I am not trying to have a gaurd up i am trying to be open to everyone.

~blondelife~

Gideon, I never said that all you adults don't understand what it's like. I said maybe you might understand in a different way then we do. Or at least that's what I was trying to get across. So no hard feelings. ok?

~carebear~

oh, none at all, carebear

I am just trying to help you see that we're not so different as you might tend to think

Holding you accountable to the objective truth of the statements you make is not "bashing" or "getting mad." It is a prerequisite for communication. Communication is a prerequisite for understanding. Can you see the implication of those two statements?

Just in case, I'll spell it out.

I said:

Do you honestly believe that "all" adults do not understand "all" teens "all" of the time?

and you responded:

I said most adults don't understand.

Now go back and re-read your post, and show me where the word "most" is.

Your statement is not true. Does that make me an adult that doesn't understand?

If I ever hold you or anyone accountable for speaking a falsehood, it is because I care. If you are still injured by that, your answer lies in the mirror, not with your readers, or with adults.

little_whip, that poem made me once again wish for private messages on this blog site so I could send you a personal thanks for brightening my day. Hopefully you'll see it here.

Almost nobody understands

it is right there in my article. Almost. yeah i do know that some people understand us. Just not everyone. I know certain people understand but i know certain people don't. The way i wordered this article isn't that great. But one of these times i will write an article to the point i want to say that i just don't know how to write down.

~blondelife~

blondelife, they're all right. Coming from a teen (who goes to the same school as you), in addition to the advice that's been given, you have to learn to moderate your feelings. This really doesn't have much to do with "understanding", but I was just sitting here thinking about why adults give teens a bad stereotype. Now for an explanation:

Teens want to have fun. I want to drive a little crazy, pull some "Trigger Happy TV" stunts at the mall, and make fun of other teens I don't even know. However, if I ever got the point of doing that, I'd back down because I realize adults would frown upon it and throw me in that stereotype along with everyone else. I know I'm better than that stereotype. When I'm talking to adults, I act as much like an adult as I can, I say "please" and "thank you" and mind my manners, but that doesn't mean I never have fun. All that means is that there is a time for utterly ridiculous teenage fun, and a time to be a respectable young adult.(EDIT: I still have the ridiculous teenage fun when I'm fed up or just don't care anymore)

...and reenforces the teen stereotype.

Here's to breaking it.

I know I'm better than that stereotype.

You are better than that. You know that i know that and all your other friends know that too. I try my hardest to act as mature as possible and i know that there is a time and place to have fun. lol. I know a lot of people get stereotyped but I try to get to know them before i say anything.

~blondelife~

I know a lot of people get stereotyped but I try to get to know them before i say anything.

That's more than a lot of other people can say. I didn't mean for what you said to come off as arrogant or big-headed, everyone and anyone can rise above a stereotype.

I didn't mean for what you said to come off as arrogant or big-headed, everyone and anyone can rise above a stereotype.

Yeah they can. But a lot of people choose not to. Even though this is that is there problem and the other person that is getting stereotyped.

~blondelife~

Ah, teens are discounted most of the time....because we "think" we know everything....and we have little experience....but...as for me...I'm the only one who can work the freakin' electronic stuff....computer, DVD player...etc, etc....and I've solved my share of problems....I'm wise beyond my years....and still people ridicule me....I know this seems like a typical teen attitude...but, damnit I have a good bit of knowledge to me....as do you and our other teen associates on JU. I've learned to cope with this crap...and frankly, I don't care anymore...I give advice to anyone, but if they think they know more than me, I like to watch them screw up whatever they're doing....(It's happened countless times and gets funnier every time...)

So just chill and we'll all pull through...until adulthood...where the younger generation will try to challenge us...and so goes the cycle,
~Zoo

What's funny is that adults also think they know everything. As somebody who's spent much time in "debate" chats, I know that the only difference between an adult and a teenager is oftentimes age. Experience does not always lead to maturity and wisdom. I've been to college for four years, but that doesn't mean I'm a graduate.