Not un-forgivable. Well not for me anyway. I'd respect your honesty a great deal, and it would make it all the more seedy if you tried to hide it. It wouldn't be the best thing I ever heard though. It would probably make me have some doubts about your views on sex and relationships, but if I was with a man i truely loved and I ended the relationship because he told me once he'd slept with a prostitute, I would only be hurting myself in the long run!

That is what I was hoping for Sally.... of course, it doesn't make it ok to sleep with a prostitute because you expect forgiveness, but to know what you could have done, in a spur of the moment thing, many years ago, could ultimately affect your signifigant others viewpoint of you, well, it's a bit daunting...

The home truth here is that honesty is paramount... and to be honest to myself, meaningless one night stands appeal to me far less than sleeping with a prostitute... by the same token, resisting my sexual urges and desires will make the sexual encounter with someone I have feelings for all the more special, and really, thats the difference between sex and making love...

give me making love over sex anyday

BAM!!!

The home truth here is that honesty is paramount... and to be honest to myself, meaningless one night stands appeal to me far less than sleeping with a prostitute... by the same token, resisting my sexual urges and desires will make the sexual encounter with someone I have feelings for all the more special, and really, thats the difference between sex and making love...

...agreed Mugz.

I have no feelings for these woman, and you can call me arrogant, but I don’t want these woman to fall in love with me and get hurt.

There is no shame in practicing safe sex young man. Women are emotional psychopaths and fall in love with a chap merely for opening doors for them so your caution is most wise indeed.

It is a right of passage into manhood for a young chap to mount a hooker, it has been a tradition in my family for years that on his 14th birthday a young Maxwell boy will have sexual relations with a black prostitute. There is no shame in this and anyone who disagrees is clearly a homosexual.

As for women who would not allow courting to take place because her suitor had taken part in marital relations with a hooker, then I say shame on you. Hookers provide an essential service for young men to gain sexual experience. Would these women prefer that a chap attempts to mount them for the first time with no previous form? The silly girls would be first to complain that this chap was unable to locate the clitoris and that he was a poor swordsman. Typical unrealistic females!

Oh gosh....Mugz stop with the guilt trip. I hate it how guys always have to turn everything back on the girl.

"Mandy - if someone was with a prostitute 4 years ago, and they hadn't been with one since, and they were honest enough to tell you they were with a prostitute, would you still look down on them? at the end of the day, I know it's all about respect, and obviously the bloke has enough respect for you to tell you that he has been with a pro, when really, he didn't have to tell you anyway!!!"

Okay Mark, even if it was way back in the past, that doesn't change the fact that I still will lose respect for him. The core of the person stays the same, no matter if it was four years ago or four days ago the guy still demonstrated great desperation and degrading of women by hiring a prostitute. Yes the "BLOKE" does have enough respect for me to tell me about what he did. And he should have enough respect for me to realize that I'm not going to forgive something that I completely disagree with just because I'm in love with him. And I will admire the fact that he didn't lie to me, but I can't just hide what I feel towards the whole situation.

"attitudes like you have just displayed, are perfect reasons why some guys just go through life lying about everything, because they fear they will lose what they love just for being honest... If i was with a woman I truely loved, even if she was a prostitute years ago, that in no way would change my opinion of her... it doesn't change who she is as a person, and it's in her past.... If everyone worried about what people did in the past, there would be no moving forward whatsoever."

- Haha, how brilliant. Attitudes we have just displayed show that women are strong enough to value their morals and their beliefs and stand by them instead of forgiving a man cause she "loves" him. I'm not going to change my values or morals for anyone let alone a man that had sex with a prostitute. My values and morals are what make me the person I am. I'm not willing to change them for "love" of a person that I don't respect or agree with. And Mugz, I wouldn't worry about his past, after learning it I would seek a person that is more worthy of my time. Because I sure in hell am not deserved by men that sink so low as to spend money for a bond that is suppose to be special and sacred. Why would I give him the most sacred part of myself, when I know he has paid for it during other circumstances? I respect and love myself too much to give myself to a person that doesn't deserve me.

"Its a bit of a shame actually... if i ever were with a prostitute, based on the attitudes on display here, I would be too scared to tell any girl that i was, because it looks like an un-forgivable sin..."

- It's not an UNFORGIVALBE SIN. I mean I'll forgive him for being with a prostitute, but I won't respect him, and if I don't respect him than I would get out of the relationship. It's more of a I'll forgive him but won't forget it.

And Sally! I'm glad that another women can speak out about this without worrying about the men calling us "Too conservative" "Irrational" "intolerant" lol men, they think they are god's gift to women.

i dont mean to offend, but if you're so worried about looking out for people's feelings and well being where do the prostitutes rank in this order... ? you seem to simply see them as an oject, and forgive me if i am wrong but thats what you are trying to aviod with "nice girls". i think that if you have to use anyone for sex you are low... i understand urges, i'm not saying do not be fulfilled, i'm saying that its funny that your level of respect doesnt extent to prostitutes, many who were probably the "nice girls" once upon a time. people are people, using anyone for sex is terrible if that is your intention, prostitutes included. (sorry. i dont normally post, dont mean to be rude, just an opinion!)

he didn't say he would ever partake in sexual relations with a hooker, he's simply questioning the ethics of it.

This is good stuff. I think that all negative views toward prostitutes and toward people who pay for them are lacking compassion and understanding. There are reasons why people are at certain places at certain times in life, emotionally speaking. Weaknesses, faults and vices are all part of the human condition. We all have them in one form or another, and if it’s not one thing then it’s another. My weakness happens to be a soft spot for sexy ladies who offer a stimulating service. But at least I’ve overcome it and learned from it.

The core of the person stays the same, no matter if it was four years ago or four days ago the guy still demonstrated great desperation and degrading of women by hiring a prostitute

I disagree, because this view ignores principles of human growth and becoming mature and wise. Even though by some people’s token, I’m “pathetic”, “sad”, and a “desperate loser”, I think I’m just human.

We should remember that the prostitutes themselves are human too. It’s all too easy to take the obvious view and say that prostitutes “degrade women”, or that they “lower themselves” to such levels by selling their bodies. But the fact is, those girls were at ‘low’ emotional levels in the first place, otherwise they wouldn’t have become prostitutes. Becoming a whore is a result of low emotional levels, and not necessarily the other way round. I got speaking with many of those women one-on-one, and when two human beings open up in an intimate place, deeper aspects can rise to the surface, and our previous judgements can appear trivial, and even immature.

Most of those girls simply had broken spirits, and hadn’t been able to cope with the shit that life had dealt them. Underneath they were endearing and kind souls, who yearned for love and for a feeling of purpose to their existence. The problem is that they didn’t possess enough inner strength or self-esteem to get out of their predicament.

Of course, this doesn’t excuse me for visiting massage parlours to get a nice bit of flesh. But I’ve already discussed my “weaknesses”. I must add here that many of those sessions were spent giving the lass a big cuddle, a long hug and a hearty chat, with no kind of ‘release’ at all. And no, I’m not ‘holier than though’. My primary motive was indeed sins of the flesh. But sometimes, and somehow, the spirit rose above it, and my fleshy intentions just became trivial and shallow.

The thing for me personally is that I’ve now conquered those base-nature desires, and I pray that the same thing could happen to some of those prostitutes, most of whom can see no hope or light at all. I remember speaking with one of the girls, and, speaking truthfully, I said, “You know, you have such a lovely heart.” She replied, “Oh, I know that. But nobody else sees that.” I asked, “Well, why don’t you put it to use, and give it a chance to be seen?”. She looked at me inquisitively, and said, “Well I try”.

A couple of months later I went back to the massage parlour for another fix of flesh. She was still there. She had a hollow look in her eyes, and looked deadpan.

But here’s another of my weaknesses: I have an ineffable and romantic belief that there is indeed a way and a hope, and that whatever shit we experience in life, a greater good will arise through it - even if we only appreciate it beyond the grave. I’d like to think that I'll see that young lass in Heaven. And I'd be able to say to her, “See. Now everyone can see how lovely your heart is.” And she'd reply, “Yes, and now it shines brighter because of the bad times that I faced on earth, rather than in spite of them.”

(See. I told you it was a weakness! Please excuse me, before I get carried away.)

Okay, I admit that people change over years and we go through problems, struggles, and then we become the better person. And that there is always something done in the past that is filled with regrets. I admire your standpoint on this Andy. Maybe I'm so tough on prositutes cause my mother was one, and she wasn't the kind that went through shit in her life, she was a prostitute, married a rich white man and came to America, divorced him and hid her past so well that she fooled my father, married him and then she cheated on his multiple times with men half her age, and now she's living with her new husband and enjoying a beautiful, welathy life style she didn't deserve. Why is it that I should feel bad for women like her?

Everyone goes through shit in their lives, but that doesn't mean you become a dumb fuck walking the streets and degrading the essence of being a woman. If your a woman and you have had struggles, then your suppose to use those struggles to better your life, walk the streets with dignity and self-respect instead of vice versa.

must add here that many of those sessions were spent giving the lass a big cuddle, a long hug and a hearty chat

Yes but the whore still charged you I imagine old chap. Prostitutes are quite cunning and this girl saw the opportunity to get paid merely for hugging you so she grasped it with open legs.

Psychologically you felt like her father as you were "comforting" her. This is a deadly stage where a chap can lose sight of his mission to have sexual intercourse with the hooker. You should have mounted her, thrown the cash at her and left immediately.

But...sex is very much a part of the love game...why did pea-cocks evolve such nice tail, and male frogs their croaks, and human females their nice mammaries.....if sex wasn't an important part of the game?

Maybe I'm so tough on prositutes cause my mother was one

That bit of info sheds new light, and makes it easier to understand your negative reaction Mandy. It seems that the more knowledge we possess, the more we are able to be compassionate, understanding and forgiving. With our own tiny human perspective, we can't know all the facts, so with a broad stroke it appears that your mother is a misguided or lost soul. I agree that our struggles are meant to be used to better our life, but some people don't possess the insight or guidance needed to understand that in the first place. But there is hope for everyone, and this life isn't the be all and end all, in my view.

It is a right of passage into manhood for a young chap to mount a hooker, it has been a tradition in my family for years that on his 14th birthday a young Maxwell boy will have sexual relations with a black prostitute. There is no shame in this and anyone who disagrees is clearly a homosexual.

Sir, you're a genius. Belly laughs abound from me dude. You should get your own TV show. And I hope the young Maxwell boys are well!

sex is very much a part of the love game

I agree web poet. And in my opinion, exploring it and trying different avenues are part of the life game. But we will always find ourselves returning to love. That's the nature of the game. Love is where sex is most at home, and love is where sex comes into its own. But for some of us, it might take sex without love to fully appreciate that. All of our experiences are part of life's pageant, and often the darker shades and contrasts of life add to the beauty and richness of the final picture. Prostitutes are included in that picture as much as anyone else.

Prostitutes are more of the what destroy the picture for me. I don't care if an experience with a prostitute ultimately makes someone a better person. To me, I don't think anyone needs to go through a prositute to become a better person.

"I agree that our struggles are meant to be used to better our life, but some people don't possess the insight or guidance needed to understand that in the first place."

-And that is why I dont' respect them, cause they don't have the self dignity or the insight to make a choice to better their lives. Instead they sell themselves shamelessy. And for the men that catch the bait, I have the same token of respect for them. Hopefully there aren't enough men like that

sorry for all the mistakes in that reply....just kept typing and didn't read over.

I guess it depends what disease you pass on to them

While I am a "prude", I have to say; where prostitution is legal and regulated, the risk of disease transmission is fairly small (at least, no larger than casual sex in general).

I don't respect them. That is true. I think that they cheapen everything that women stand for. However I do feel sorry for them, that they feel they need to lower themselves to such levels.

Ironic that that would be said, considering the "make money at all costs" society. The prostitutes in the brothels here make $125 an hour (the rate is $250 an hour, they get half). The average wage (except for the construction field, where most women aren't going to get hired) around here is about $6.50 an hour. The chief ways for a woman without a college degree to make more are waitressing, driving 60 miles to Vegas, or prostitution. And even Vegas doesn't pay $125 an hour...at least not for LEGAL employment.

Ironic that that would be said, considering the "make money at all costs" society.

Isn't that the truth...

That's why I still hold a certain degree of respect towards prostitutes... while they are lacking in self-respect, you have to question societies values when prostitutes make so much for a 'cheap' act...

Society as a whole has gone cheap if you ask me... Ultimately, it is the girls choice if she turns to prostitution, but often the big dark spectre of society is forcing the hand... If we lived in a caring and ethical society, the need for prostitution would be non-existent... funny though, prostitution is one of the oldest professions in the world!!!

When is doomsday again???

BAM!!!

Society as a whole has gone cheap if you ask me... Ultimately, it is the girls choice if she turns to prostitution, but often the big dark spectre of society is forcing the hand... If we lived in a caring and ethical society, the need for prostitution would be non-existent... funny though, prostitution is one of the oldest professions in the world!!!

sorry i'm so late. i enjoyed your perpective here, muggy. i particularly liked your comment above

mig XX

Muggaz!

Sorry I missed this article. Actually, I'm kind of glad I did as I think I may be shouted down, but here goes...

I see nothing wrong with a single man (or woman for that matter) going to a prostitute. They're single. They owe nothing to anyone other than themselves and if it is a choice that they are comfortable with, why not? I don't see it as being disrespectful to the prostitute as it is their perogative if they choose to make their money in that way (Please can no one start on about the sociological problems which lead people to prostitution - I am well aware of there and am keeping them out of this comment for simplicity) And as I too can't sleep with someone who has feelings for me when I don't for them, I can understand the conundrum.

In terms of sexual relationships I'm all about two consenting adults who approach it with respect for each other's feelings. If that is a one night stand, then good on you. If you want to wait until marriage - go for it. The number of sexual partners any boyfriend of mine has had is not important to me and anyone I end up with won't have a problem with my magical number either. If they did we obviously wouldn't be compatible as it shows deep rooted differences in how we view things.

As for a partner of mine visiting a prostitute, I would honestly not care. I have a friend who openly admits to frequenting prostitutes for exactly the same reasons you stated in the article - we all call it his 'interactive porn'. He does it unashamedly and I respect the confidence he has in himself for being happy to talk about it. He too doesn't want the 'troubles' involved with so-called casual sex. And is it any more 'desperate' (as other people have branded it) than when I have slept with someone in the hope that they will like me (something I'm not proud of and would never do again, but have in the past) Am I any different to the prostitute? I'm not getting paid, sure, but I am attempting to use sex to get something I want. At least the prostitute is assured of getting their payoff at the end!

This was a brilliant question Mugz. I don't think I answered it adequately, but I did try my darndest! As for me being a single woman who has definite needs, I have the fuck buddy relationship going on. And I must say that it is not the best idea. Feelings always get involved, and when you have two single people who enjoy one another's company and are attracted to one another, it is only a matter of time before at least one person begins questioning 'Well - what's wrong with me then? Why don't you want a relationship with me?' Messy.

Suz xxx

Hmm.... I get the question, and I am truly undecided. I guess half of my indecision stems from knowing that there are plenty of women out there who wouldn't mind a bit of a sexual but not exactly committed relationship with guys who could respect them for admitting it. Like most, my main concern would be that of disease... I know you stated that protection would be used, but still... I would worry about it. The morals involved aren't really a concern. You are an adult. You make the decisions. And accept the repercussions, I guess.
Good article.

Isn't it funny?

45 responses later, I am still asking the question.... prostitutes are filthy whores to some woman, who are the scum of the earth because they dont respect their woman hood, yet they are often forced by social pressures placed on them. (by a male driven society)

What is the difference between a clean prostitute or earns $125 an hour, than some coked up preppy slut who goes and fucks all night because it means people accept her because she is hot, and she doesn't have to worry about the null grey matter that is supposed to occupy her cranium...

It seems like all the pressure here is on the male... in one corner, we have woman who are willing to sell their bodies, and in another corner we have woman having sex screaming for acceptance... all the while, containing our natural urges to pounce on said woman, and get our game on... and lets face it... it is a lot easier for a nice girl to deal with those urges than a nice guy... if you aren't confident, you aren't going to get lucky very often...

Ah, the social pressures of todays youth!!! I dont need to answer this question for myself... I know the answers... everyones answers will be different though, and it's pretty whack that I even need to ask this question... it could easily go anyway...

BAM!!!

And it always ended up with a nice ‘release’. This might sound seedy,

is this your slip dr freud?

it is a lot easier for a nice girl to deal with those urges than a nice guy

really?  i must not know any nice girls   (thank da lawd )

(im also curious to know how the equation would change if, afterwards, the woman isnt that impressed? or disappointed?  not that it would happen in your case, of course)

is this your slip dr freud?

Kingbee, my slip? What do you mean?

i was thinkin of seedy in a slightly different sense andy