Why do people feel the need to lie?

from JoeUser Forums
I have been thinking about this a lot lately and after reading some of Dharma's articles where she referenced peole woh "B.S." I had to give my 2 cents.

Why do people feel the need to lie, to tell half truths and make up stories? Do they realize that no good comes of it? How do you benefit?

I think that lying is the ultimate for of disrespect. Not only to the person(s) you are lying to, but to your self. Why can't you be yourself? Why do you have to lie?

Is it a self defense? Like a small child caliming they didn't color on the wall, while the crayons are still in their hands?

Is it immaturity? That you can't handle the realities of life?

Is it denial? DO you say so many lies that they become reality to you. Is "real life" to hard so you must make up your own existence?

I hate lying. If someone asks my opinion, such as "how does this look" I won't lie. I will say I don't care for it. So even little whit lies that may not hurt anybody seem unnecesscary. Why get into that habit?

Do you tolerate liers?

How do you feel when someone lies to you? I feel betrayed, and can not trust them at ALL.

Do you lie? Even little white lies? Why?

I just don't get why people feel the need to lie.
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16,101 views 33 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't get it either. Is it immaturity in the case you are refering to? Probably so.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I agree wholeheartedly. I hate lies. Hate them, hate them, hate them. I hate when people lie to me to "spare" my feelings, or to hide "bad" news. To hell with that! How am I going to grow past the bad news or the bad feelings if you withhold the knowledge I need? The sooner I get the bad news then the sooner I can get on with my life.

That's not even getting into the more diabolical lies that are not for my "beneift" but rather for the liar's benefit. And sometimes those are some sick motives.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I believe that a certain degree of lying is necessary for social lubricant. There are some times that I would prefer not to know that someone has certain information or they think a certain way. Sometimes people don't ask questions to hear the truth. And while this may be a horribly immature head-in-the-sand approach I accept that others will do it as I do.

I do not tolerate, however, flagrant lies. Lies about entire situations which have not occurred or lies about your past which you use to make you seem better. Making something up from scratch is wrong and hurtful. I can only condemn those who do this.

But if I ask you if my butt looks big in these trousers, please do me the courtesy of saying yes.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
TOTALLY! awesome that there are still decent people in the world.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

I think that sometimes people do it because they're immature.  Sometimes they want the attention....sometimes they have a need to make themselves seem better or bigger than they are.

Floozie is right, sometimes we lie to ease a difficult circumstance, and sometimes I would have to say that it;s almost necessary to lie.

Making up a horrible scenario and trying to pass it off as the truth is just awful, though.  It makes me wonder about the mental stability of the person doing the lying.

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
But if I ask you if my butt looks big in these trousers, please do me the courtesy of saying yes.

I think a lot of people would have a different request there, and that is exactly why I consider the "Golden Rule" to be BS. I have found that most people do not want me to treat them as I would have them treat me. A much better rule is "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them." Of course, that's a bit more difficult since you have to figure out what they want. And it really only applies to a certain degree. If the guy down the street wants me to lather him up in baby oil, chances are thats not a "unto others" that I'm gonna go for.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
sometimes they have a need to make themselves seem better or bigger than they are

I'm not sure I can get any better And I sure don't want to get any bigger!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Floozie is right, sometimes we lie to ease a difficult circumstance, and sometimes I would have to say that it;s almost necessary to lie.

That is one of my biggest problems in inter-personal relationships. Because I never want to be lied to, I have a hard time figuring out when others do want to be lied to. It sometimes makes me seem cold and callous. I have been told that people fear me. I don't want to hurt people, or scare them, or intimidate them (unless I do want to do those things, which is a rare occurance), but my honesty and respect is often taken the wrong way.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
my honesty and respect is often taken the wrong way.


I have the same problem CS. Sometimes people think I am too blunt or hard hearted. I expect people to tell me the truth when I ask a question and I expect that they would want the same courtesy from me.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

I don't want to hurt people, or scare them, or intimidate them (unless I do want to do those things, which is a rare occurance), but my honesty and respect is often taken the wrong way.


That's why we tell 'little white lies'.  Things that are partial truth, but softened a little. 


I learned from Interviews and Interrogations class that you have to temper the truth with tact. There is a right place and time to be bluntly truthful, just as there is a right place and time to be tactfully truthful..or just to say nothing at all.  Honesty, whilst it's mostly the best policy, is difficult to take sometimes.


I can see you don't have many self-esteem problems, CS !


But anyway, back to the subject....if I think I'm being lied to, rather than immediately correct the liar, I like to let them spin themselves a web of deception and get snared up in it.  That way they end up making themselves look like an idiot rather than me having to do it for them.


Will I tolerate liars?  Yes, in the way that I tolerate other people I don't care for much.  I deal with them minimally, and I also don't believe a word they say as being true until it's proven to be the truth.


 

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
But anyway, back to the subject....if I think I'm being lied to, rather than immediately correct the liar, I like to let them spin themselves a web of deception and get snared up in it. That way they end up making themselves look like an idiot rather than me having to do it for them.


Will I tolerate liars? Yes, in the way that I tolerate other people I don't care for much. I deal with them minimally, and I also don't believe a word they say as being true until it's proven to be the truth.


That's pretty much how I deal with them. It's also how I tend to deal with deluded and stupid people. If they want to live in ingorance I usually don't have a problem with that. If they want to live a lie, I will let them. However, if their delusion, lies, idiocy start affecting me then I have to stomp on them.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
But if I ask you if my butt looks big in these trousers, please do me the courtesy of saying yes.


What was I trying to say??? I'm an idiot. Talk about posting and not paying any attention. So I meant NO. NO!

I am actually blushing at the idiocy of my statement.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
And look what you started Floozie! BTW, your butt looks great in those pants!
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks Kayles! You're looking pretty spiffy yourself

Man! That simple word made my whole argument look pretty screwy. Gotta be careful what you say, don't you?
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
What was I trying to say??? I'm an idiot. Talk about posting and not paying any attention. So I meant NO. NO!

Heh, I originally made my reply based on you saying NO, and when I read it after submitting I realized I had misread what you wrote. So I changed my response.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Look at me causing problems

Maybe, secretly, I do want someone to tell me that?
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top

However, if their delusion, lies, idiocy start affecting me then I have to stomp on them


The lie that I think is being perpetrated around here has yet to affect me personally, so I'm going to let the person doing it carry on and lie themselves into a corner instead of confronting them about it.


Besides, I think we're all on the same page and are mostly of the same opinion about the situation.  We all suspect what the truth is, put it that way.

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Besides, I think we're all on the same page and are mostly of the same opinion about the situation. We all suspect what the truth is, put it that way.


I think the perpetrator is bored with the lie as well, I haven't seen much action lately.......
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Liars eventuallty trip up cause they have to contantly have to lie to over themselves. Once that happens...just make it know to them that they have no credability with you any longer. If enough people do this to them they might be cured of their habit.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have never told a lie in my life, I plan to continue this programme of honesty for the good of England and the empire!
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
The problem with consistent lying is this, sooner or later you will be caught and called on it.


A couple of quotes from Isaac Asimov's Foundation's Edge:

"To know when a truth will do is admirable, since no non-truth can be presented with the same sincerity."

"The closer to the truth, the better the lie, and the truth itself, when it can be used, is the best lie."
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top

I think the perpetrator is bored with the lie as well, I haven't seen much action lately


I think she might have realized that we know and is afraid to write anything else.


I'm not going to start any confrontations....I'm just going to ignore it.

Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
That's what I said at the beginning, but what about all of the people on here who have truly "lost sleep" over this, and the young people who have been "duked"? I don't think it's right to play on people's emotions like that.
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Is it immaturity in the case you are refering to? Probably so.


Probably so....but that's still no excuse, IMO.

I think the perpetrator is bored with the lie as well, I haven't seen much action lately.......


We can only hope that the perpetrator is bored and will leave not so well enough alone from this point forward.

That's what I said at the beginning, but what about all of the people on here who have truly "lost sleep" over this,


I know what you mean....but IMO we each have to deal with the situation as we see fit. I think the perpetrator knows that we know, as Karen said, and when the situation doesn't get any more blog space (as I hope it will not), then perhaps those who have yet to discover the deception will get a clue.
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
Wow.. I leave for work, come back and all heck has broken loose!

You all rock... No Lie (pun intended)

I am feeling like most of us are on the same page. As far as telling the truth goes I think I do it respectfully and tactfully.

ex: Does this make my butt look big? Me: I think this syle would look great on you.

I appreciate when I ask my husband if he likes somthing and he tells me the truth. Even when what he tells me is it doesn't look so great. It makes me feel he trusts me well enoguh and respects me enough to tell the truth. I appreciate it.

I hate even white lies, they are just a step closer to other lies.