Adoption VS. Abortion

My personal story and opinion

from JoeUser Forums
First of all, before I begin, I have to say kudos to shadesofgrey for fantastic article called "women deserve better than abortion". I loved the wit and sarcasm.
I decided I would write here instead of in her comments. What I have to say is lengthy and not just mere comment.
I have been married to a wonderful man for several years, and we have been through a lot of very tough decisions. One abortion and one adoption to name two. The abortion was at the beginning of our marriage, a tough time. It was a decision we came to together. I would not change my decision if I could, it wasn't made because we were too young or poor (even if it was I wouldn't change it) it was made because the doctors didn't believe I could go full term, I might die. I already had a successful pregnancy (barely). But I was very high risk.
The adoption wasn't that long ago. We got pregnant for us, and then deciding to give the baby to a wonderful couple, who had been trying to get pregnant for years. It was for the best, a lot of other circumstances that played in to the decision as well, but that was the deciding factor.
I figured I would give a little back ground on the situations in order for you to judge me with a little knowledge. :)
If I had to choose one to give advice on (if a friend asked) it would be abortion. It's been almost a year since the adoption, and it feels like yesterday. But after the abortion I bounced back (pyscologically/emotionally) pretty quick. I had the blues for a couple of weeks to a month.
This may sound harsh, please don't take it that way, I haven't once thought to myself that I should not have had the abortion. I do not regret my decision.
The adoption was much harder. There's an attachment that happens during pregnancy, that doesn't develop when you get an abortion within the first 12 weeks. At least, that's my experience. I am not saying adoption is bad, just more emotionally draining. Have you watched the talk shows that have reunited grown children with their biological parent or parents? I have, during my pregnancy, I might add. It's hard to watch some of them. The resentment that occurred in quite a few instances. Ouch. I am so afraid of that! I don't have those reocurring thoughts about my abortion.
Now, all that out of the way, I believe it's the religious societies to blame for a lot the shame and "psycological" problems some of the women who have had abortions. They get condemmed for their choice because they call it murder. I believe that abortion saves most of those children, who would (like shadesofgrey said) end up in dumpsters, toilets, or many other unimaginable places. Do these religious societies think that this is acceptable? What about the women who are forced to keep the child and end up abusing it, because it was unwanted. How about the innocent killing of the doctors or nurses that help these women. Or the women themselves, who have been hurt or killed, because of some of those pro-choice advocates. All those people were living and breathing, walking on this earth, living lives. Some were even pregnant, what if they decided to keep that child? Wasn't that an innocent life? How can you say these bombings and shootings are God's work? That has to be the biggest contradiction I have ever heard!
Abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby, it's all a matter of choice, not religion, plain and simple. The fact that Pres. Bush wants to ban what is clearly a woman, or a couples choice is wrong. He is clearly thinking about his religion rather than the right to choose.
2,241 views 15 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
No one who debates these issues really considers either the mother or the children. To one side abortion is a right. To the other side abortion is murder. Abortion is a serious matter. Killing an unborn human being has consequences. Keeping an unwanted child has even worse consequences. There is no good thing to do in this matter. Our society should and could work towards preventing unwanted pregnancies. Children once they are born would be well taken care of whether they were born in a poor or rich family. But we would rather argue than provide a solution.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can tell you right now that you're more of a woman than I'll ever be. Doing what you did, giving up a child for completely altruistic reasons...that takes cohones. Having an abortion, not because you made a mistake, not because the child wasn't wanted, but in order to save your life....well, that takes guts too. I don't know if I could have done it.

Having been adopted as an infant myself I can tell you that you did a wonderful thing...but you already know that.
Galactic Civilizations IV
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think the only circumstance in which a baby should be aborted is to save the mother. I have five adopted sisters and my mother was adopted, so I'm pretty familiar with the turf, and there's a waiting list miles long of people wanting to adopt babies. It's selfish to abort a baby just for convenience, because not only are you denying a baby the chance at life, you are also denying a family a child.

~Dan
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's selfish to abort a baby just for convenience, because not only are you denying a baby the chance at life, you are also denying a family a child.


Whether you owe the baby-to-be its life is one thing, but you don't owe a family a child.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thank you.
I really never thought of it as "doing a wonderful thing"
I just knew it was the right thing.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Whether you owe the baby-to-be its life is one thing, but you don't owe a family a child.
End of quote


There's a difference between obligation and decency. Some people respect both.

~Dan
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I really never thought of it as "doing a wonderful thing" I just knew it was the right thing.
End of quote


:)

~Dan
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
There's a difference between obligation and decency. Some people respect both.


Agreed, but my point was that you can't consider an abortion to be an act of denying or depriving someone of a child.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I agree with bulbousHead.

I don't think it's denying a family a child. There are plenty of children out there for adoption. Who desperately need homes, some of which wait all there lives to be adopted. I once heard about a man in his late 20's who was finally adopted by a family. It was a beautiful story. It's never too late to adopt. Maybe we should focus on these forgotten children.
The children that are alive and breathing, with no families. The ones who endlessly float from foster home to foster home, or in some cases, some of them aren't even that lucky. I don't know about any of you, but this breaks my heart, and maybe it should be a bigger issue than it is.

a little bit more about me that I didn't mention before...My mother was adopted by her parents, and I myself was adopted by my dad....(my mom- biological, dad-adopted me)

anyway, words for thought...

Crazy Lady
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
There are plenty of children out there for adoption
End of quote


It's obvious that you haven't had much experience in the field. There are thousands of children, it is true, but the demand is not for "children" but for babies. There is no such thing as "focus on these forgotten children," because it's not like groups adopt children, it's an individual decision. It makes a lot more sense to start off right now by taking care of the newest generation, and getting new children into healthy homes.

Agreed, but my point was that you can't consider an abortion to be an act of denying or depriving someone of a child.
End of quote


Once again, no, there's not an obligation, but there certainly are strong ethical considerations.

~Dan
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
there certainly are strong ethical considerations


Like what? If you're implying that a woman comtemplating an abortion should consider whether some other family might like to have her baby and that she therefore has some kind of ethical duty to them, then I have to laugh at you. Otherwise, please clarify what you mean.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
"I think the only circumstance in which a baby should be aborted is to save the mother."

Dan, I would have to disagree. Life is not ours to give or to take. God obviously doesn't make mistakes, so let's say I was pregnent and there was a good chance that I would die if I didn't abort the baby. I honestly couldn't see aborting the baby. S/he's just as important as me, and like I said God doesn't make mistakes, so it's not for the doctors to say whether I should live or not. There would be a reason I got pregnent and was going through those circumstances... it wouldn't be my decision of who lived or died.

You said you think that's the only circumstance, but I'm curious what you think if you "know" (in other words the doctors told you for sure) that your baby will be a vegetable. He will not be able to see, hear, talk, communicate... he will need 24/7 care etc etc. Would that be another instance you think you could abort the baby?

Just my $0.02

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Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's obvious that you haven't had much experience in the field


And you're an expert, are you Dan? Had kids, adopted kids, been pregnant, had abortions yourself, have you?

there certainly are strong ethical considerations.


Like what? I'm not being sarcastic, I'd really like to know. Please explain....
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
quote> It's obvious that you haven't had much experience in the field.
Dan, I never claimed to be an expert. I was merely speaking of my experience and then gave my opinion. I will gladly admit I am no expert. all I know is what I have seen and through the little research I did while pregnant.

quote> There are thousands of children, it is true, but the demand is not for "children" but for babies.
That is exactly my piont. We are pushing mothers to put their unwanted children up for adoption when we already have a steadily growing problem.

quote> There is no such thing as "focus on these forgotten children," because it's not like groups adopt children, it's an individual decision.

these groups you speak of, are made up of individuals...
Why can't there be " focus on these forgotten children"? We (as a collective) focus on all kinds of issues everyday. Especially, during an election year.

I'm saying as a people, a collective, as individuals, maybe we should think about these forgotten children. They are living, breathing, human beings.





Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
you're an expert, are you Dan? Had kids, adopted kids, been pregnant, had abortions yourself, have you?

Our family has adopted five children, and I'm very familar with the process of and the statistics regarding abortion. Bigdreamer, I'd have to reserve judgement about killing children because of disabilities. In the past I've played around with ideas about killing people who no longer contribute to society, but it just doesn't seem right to make the decision for God. He usually handles things remarkably well.

~Dan