SCREWING THE WAR
Lessons in a Troubled Paradise
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I didn't know what else to say to reassure two buddies who came over to visit. Their emails were sort of...fretful, as if they were expecting some suicide bomber to greet them with their luggage or in a worse case scenario, have their heads chopped off by some crazed jihadist. I really don't know which papers they were reading but it isn't at all that bad down here. Even down south in the Philippine version of the Key West where the forces of Jemayah Islamiya (JI) Chieftain Janjalani and the troops of the Philippine Southern Command are playing cat and mouse, it's JI who's actually on the run.
I said ,"ok, you know a lot of people might not like us in Asia, but it isn't really THAT bad out here." So just to ease the tension for the first-timers, I had to pull some strings to smoothen their arrival. The guys had it so good from the start. No more fretty issues with immigration. Relax in the lounge while we engaged in a little getting-to-know-you while their bags were whisked away to the awaiting van and their hotel.
So, Lesson No.1:The idea was not to appear military, but not to forget you are one. With a thousand and one tourists, convention delegates and relatives or in-laws from the West going in and out of this Asian country, the only thing that would call attention is if you constantly look over your shoulder and if you look grim, I mean funeral parlor-grim. This is Asia , man, you always smile. You bump somebody, nod with your apology, but smile. That disarms them when they see you smiling from afar. By the time they have to check on you, they'll smile and say.."another one of those Western tourists with that stupid smile", and they'll ignore you. But don't dare bring in any prohibitive drug. They're really serious about that. And Jeez. Quit that stupid crew-cut when you come over. That's a dead giveaway. Grow hair for Pete's sake.
But I guess you can't grow that much hair in a short time of vacation leave. So whatever , Welcome to Paradise, guys. Troubled Paradise, that is.
So I figured my time running around squatter shanties wasn't the wisest choice for starters for these guests. So when I saw this ad for Eastwood City announcing the world's longest dinner buffet...a buffet table 350 meters long ...offering 10 international cuisines...with participation from 30 different restaurants..all for 7 bucks a head...that was it.
Asia, specially developing Asia is one place where the squalor of poverty sits minutes away from areas of opulence. Eastwood City is one of those glitzy opulent places. Transformed from an area called Libis , (meaning Fields), which was a desolate darkened area which cars often avoided, for fear that the passengers may end up as one of the bodies the authorities found the next morning bound, gagged or chopped into pieces and strewn into these fields, Eastwood City's development started with the IBM building, then some condos in the neighborhood, then within months, one of the most favored restaurant rows in Manila mushrooming beneath.
It was a Fiesta atmosphere, not in the Mexican sort of way, but more subdued. There was Music provided by a band in the central stage, a buffet table that wormed its way across the well-lit sidewalk cafes that littered the area. I was checking on my guests' expressions and was almost tempted to hand each of them a towel to wipe the saliva from their gaping mouths when I realized the drool was reserved for some other kind of dish.
I knew the Philippines had its own treasure throve of beautiful women, knowing the mixture of Spanish, Malayan and Chinese genealogies that produced it, but did they all
have to come to this affair? Was that all it took to bring them out here that night.. a buffet at 7 bucks a piece? To be fair, quite a number of men who could very well pose for the cover of a fashion magazine were around as well. So the air took a Film Festival kind of orientation where the gustatory and auditory overlapped with the visual delights that were offered. Well, whatever..Lesson No. 2 Think. In other venues, trainers would call it presence of mind. ..and it very often comes at a time when the situation lulls your senses. I remembered the Escape and Evasion Exercises when a situation was simulated where as randomly captured prisoners in enemy camp, we were kept to a room seated together for hours awaiting the chief enemy interrogator. As he barged in, a voice from behind was heard shouting, "TEN..HUTT!"Three of my companions who stood up reflexly were immediately blindfolded, hogtied and "executed". Was there an attempt to "mark" faces in your mind as you arrived at the airport? Do you see those faces now as you're sampling the buffet table? You do remember why you were sent here, don't you?
I myself smiled in agreement with my guests as groups of beautiful ladies after another passed before our table smiling back. I was admiring the view in my objective "wow" kind of way, but some other kind of training comes to fore when it involves us married men. It's like a phone that rings behind your head when you meet another beautiful lady. There was actually a British reality show (what was the title again.." Teaching Your Husband to Heel"? or something like that) which used dog training techniques to make the husband respond as the wife wished. (FYI, I'm classified as a mongrel). Anyway, I actually thought of the wife then and was glad with the thought that Hurricane Wilma passed over without so much as a dent in our rooftop. Just as I was contemplating on phoning her now instead of later, the inevitable happens.
My cell was on vibra-mode since I was expecting that with the din of the music and chatter of buffet aficionados, I most probably would miss the calls. So when I struggled to get it out ,I was almost certain as to who was calling.
"Hi, Honey"! You'll never guess where I am.
"Well, it's a sort of a show but the girls are not naked.. Honey, I'm with the guys."
" No, I'm not with the guys watching a girlie show.. It's more of the scenery..
(It seemed like more questions were being enticed by my explanations, so I had to
propose something convincing)
"Here, lemme send you a picture message"
(As soon as I aim for the band, a group of passing females smile at the camera phone
and I click)
So much for the snicker on my guests' faces after overhearing my over-hurried, "got to go, Call you later, Hon." So much for Mr. Smooth Operator. But there was one last lesson these guys had to learn.
Lesson No. 3 Never Think with your Dick.
I threw my guests the morning papers over breakfast making sure they read the headlines: 6 US Marines Charged with Rape After docking port at Subic Bay for joint training exercises with Philippine troops, the USS Essex had left the soldiers who were charged
to face the authorities. There were no US Bases agreement now, just the Visiting Forces Agreement, where it was legally impossible for US Forces to spirit out soldiers involved with rape or even murder charges. The US Charge 'des Affaires came out with a strong message upholding the full force of the law. My guests were not about to be No. 7 and No. 8 in that charge list.
How often do we hear and read of rape as atrocious acts committed by the enemy on occupied territories? Try figuring out how these headlines would translate to an ally country in the War on Terror. With one reckless mistake, we may have to go back to square one to earn back the trust and confidence that took years to build. There are preselected places where the testosterone drive could find refuge safely, the most reliable one being with your wife. For the bachelor, virile, isolated soldier hereabouts, there still are preselected places considered safe as my guests were about to find out.
For the Dollar or Euro - paying Western tourist, doors generally open in developing Asia. There is usually cultural acceptance among the local hosts to treat visiting foreign males to the night life available locally. There is the entry phase with the karaoke bars and shows where the catch is to see if the foreigners can still keep their respectful distance to the allure of a very engaging GRO (guest relation officer) or the sultry gesture of an exotic dancer. Here, they offer everything for their guests (even their remaining meals), but they use the response of the guests as a measure to size up his/her character. You know, offer the best of their food, and if you see the guest emptying even the kitchen sink, they know they're dealing with a slob. The mature phase is always considered a private matter for mutually consenting adults where the hosts just disappear. So an invitation to sing songs with a GRO is not an invitation to rape as a visiting Korean male who is still being hunted by the Philippine National Police was about to find out.
I had to throw my guests to the lion's den just to see for themselves if they could pass the test. Crew-cut got the first try, then came Spectacles' turn ...and as the firm breasts of a perfectly sculpted female beauty hovered the contour of each of their faces and the dancer slithered between their lower torsos, I glanced at my guests' hands which were by this time upraised but still with a controlled distance short of grasping and I wondered how much of the years at the Academy could instill the discipline needed to recoil such pressure and still make the guest appear appreciative to the local hosts. It was a Mind-Over-Testosterone kind of situation. The dance ended with everyone applauding and the dancer gracing the exit.
When you pass the test , certain doors open. Doors that lead to other valuable doors. In this kind of War, the value of those doors just can't be underestimated.
Crew-cut was still in deep sleep afterwards, unmindful of the songs or the singers that came afterwards. Did he cheat, pop-in an Ambien pill , was it just jet-lag or was it the Mind-over-Testosterone experience? Spectacles had his eyes wildly open, cheering each singer. Whatever. It took an extra pressure to leave the place, but tomorrow had different challenges. JI was resorting to United Front tactics. They were starting what they called the Rajah Sulayman Movement among the urbanized Muslim youth as part of their recruitment efforts. Rajah Sulayman was the Muslim conqueror of the Fort of Manila in the early 1300's.What deal was negotiated with the MILF in Malaysia ? Did it have anything to do with Sabah? Was JI expecting the declaration of an autonomous Sabah to be a part of Al Qaeda territory? The Ramadan was coming to a close with the Eid El Fitr being declared as a national holiday even if the Muslim population was 5% of the other religions, Roman Catholics forming 85%. Decapitated bodies of 3 Indonesian girls on their way to a Christian school were found in Sulawesi island. The Opposition still drags its feet on the Anti-Terrorism Bill while a JI suspect who gets out on bail, gets hauled back in on charges of rebellion .
With all this work up ahead, we can't afford to screw ourselves up. There are about 100 documented cases involving American soldiers on rape charges in the Philippines, some involving street children and 14 year olds. Under the old Bases Agreement ,most were settled by scurrying the soldiers out of Philippine jurisdiction. At this point in time, another rape case is like shooting ourselves in the foot. Somebody's got to control that zipper or we're bound to lose.
I said ,"ok, you know a lot of people might not like us in Asia, but it isn't really THAT bad out here." So just to ease the tension for the first-timers, I had to pull some strings to smoothen their arrival. The guys had it so good from the start. No more fretty issues with immigration. Relax in the lounge while we engaged in a little getting-to-know-you while their bags were whisked away to the awaiting van and their hotel.
So, Lesson No.1:The idea was not to appear military, but not to forget you are one. With a thousand and one tourists, convention delegates and relatives or in-laws from the West going in and out of this Asian country, the only thing that would call attention is if you constantly look over your shoulder and if you look grim, I mean funeral parlor-grim. This is Asia , man, you always smile. You bump somebody, nod with your apology, but smile. That disarms them when they see you smiling from afar. By the time they have to check on you, they'll smile and say.."another one of those Western tourists with that stupid smile", and they'll ignore you. But don't dare bring in any prohibitive drug. They're really serious about that. And Jeez. Quit that stupid crew-cut when you come over. That's a dead giveaway. Grow hair for Pete's sake.
But I guess you can't grow that much hair in a short time of vacation leave. So whatever , Welcome to Paradise, guys. Troubled Paradise, that is.
So I figured my time running around squatter shanties wasn't the wisest choice for starters for these guests. So when I saw this ad for Eastwood City announcing the world's longest dinner buffet...a buffet table 350 meters long ...offering 10 international cuisines...with participation from 30 different restaurants..all for 7 bucks a head...that was it.
Asia, specially developing Asia is one place where the squalor of poverty sits minutes away from areas of opulence. Eastwood City is one of those glitzy opulent places. Transformed from an area called Libis , (meaning Fields), which was a desolate darkened area which cars often avoided, for fear that the passengers may end up as one of the bodies the authorities found the next morning bound, gagged or chopped into pieces and strewn into these fields, Eastwood City's development started with the IBM building, then some condos in the neighborhood, then within months, one of the most favored restaurant rows in Manila mushrooming beneath.
It was a Fiesta atmosphere, not in the Mexican sort of way, but more subdued. There was Music provided by a band in the central stage, a buffet table that wormed its way across the well-lit sidewalk cafes that littered the area. I was checking on my guests' expressions and was almost tempted to hand each of them a towel to wipe the saliva from their gaping mouths when I realized the drool was reserved for some other kind of dish.
I knew the Philippines had its own treasure throve of beautiful women, knowing the mixture of Spanish, Malayan and Chinese genealogies that produced it, but did they all
have to come to this affair? Was that all it took to bring them out here that night.. a buffet at 7 bucks a piece? To be fair, quite a number of men who could very well pose for the cover of a fashion magazine were around as well. So the air took a Film Festival kind of orientation where the gustatory and auditory overlapped with the visual delights that were offered. Well, whatever..Lesson No. 2 Think. In other venues, trainers would call it presence of mind. ..and it very often comes at a time when the situation lulls your senses. I remembered the Escape and Evasion Exercises when a situation was simulated where as randomly captured prisoners in enemy camp, we were kept to a room seated together for hours awaiting the chief enemy interrogator. As he barged in, a voice from behind was heard shouting, "TEN..HUTT!"Three of my companions who stood up reflexly were immediately blindfolded, hogtied and "executed". Was there an attempt to "mark" faces in your mind as you arrived at the airport? Do you see those faces now as you're sampling the buffet table? You do remember why you were sent here, don't you?
I myself smiled in agreement with my guests as groups of beautiful ladies after another passed before our table smiling back. I was admiring the view in my objective "wow" kind of way, but some other kind of training comes to fore when it involves us married men. It's like a phone that rings behind your head when you meet another beautiful lady. There was actually a British reality show (what was the title again.." Teaching Your Husband to Heel"? or something like that) which used dog training techniques to make the husband respond as the wife wished. (FYI, I'm classified as a mongrel). Anyway, I actually thought of the wife then and was glad with the thought that Hurricane Wilma passed over without so much as a dent in our rooftop. Just as I was contemplating on phoning her now instead of later, the inevitable happens.
My cell was on vibra-mode since I was expecting that with the din of the music and chatter of buffet aficionados, I most probably would miss the calls. So when I struggled to get it out ,I was almost certain as to who was calling.
"Hi, Honey"! You'll never guess where I am.
"Well, it's a sort of a show but the girls are not naked.. Honey, I'm with the guys."
" No, I'm not with the guys watching a girlie show.. It's more of the scenery..
(It seemed like more questions were being enticed by my explanations, so I had to
propose something convincing)
"Here, lemme send you a picture message"
(As soon as I aim for the band, a group of passing females smile at the camera phone
and I click)
So much for the snicker on my guests' faces after overhearing my over-hurried, "got to go, Call you later, Hon." So much for Mr. Smooth Operator. But there was one last lesson these guys had to learn.
Lesson No. 3 Never Think with your Dick.
I threw my guests the morning papers over breakfast making sure they read the headlines: 6 US Marines Charged with Rape After docking port at Subic Bay for joint training exercises with Philippine troops, the USS Essex had left the soldiers who were charged
to face the authorities. There were no US Bases agreement now, just the Visiting Forces Agreement, where it was legally impossible for US Forces to spirit out soldiers involved with rape or even murder charges. The US Charge 'des Affaires came out with a strong message upholding the full force of the law. My guests were not about to be No. 7 and No. 8 in that charge list.
How often do we hear and read of rape as atrocious acts committed by the enemy on occupied territories? Try figuring out how these headlines would translate to an ally country in the War on Terror. With one reckless mistake, we may have to go back to square one to earn back the trust and confidence that took years to build. There are preselected places where the testosterone drive could find refuge safely, the most reliable one being with your wife. For the bachelor, virile, isolated soldier hereabouts, there still are preselected places considered safe as my guests were about to find out.
For the Dollar or Euro - paying Western tourist, doors generally open in developing Asia. There is usually cultural acceptance among the local hosts to treat visiting foreign males to the night life available locally. There is the entry phase with the karaoke bars and shows where the catch is to see if the foreigners can still keep their respectful distance to the allure of a very engaging GRO (guest relation officer) or the sultry gesture of an exotic dancer. Here, they offer everything for their guests (even their remaining meals), but they use the response of the guests as a measure to size up his/her character. You know, offer the best of their food, and if you see the guest emptying even the kitchen sink, they know they're dealing with a slob. The mature phase is always considered a private matter for mutually consenting adults where the hosts just disappear. So an invitation to sing songs with a GRO is not an invitation to rape as a visiting Korean male who is still being hunted by the Philippine National Police was about to find out.
I had to throw my guests to the lion's den just to see for themselves if they could pass the test. Crew-cut got the first try, then came Spectacles' turn ...and as the firm breasts of a perfectly sculpted female beauty hovered the contour of each of their faces and the dancer slithered between their lower torsos, I glanced at my guests' hands which were by this time upraised but still with a controlled distance short of grasping and I wondered how much of the years at the Academy could instill the discipline needed to recoil such pressure and still make the guest appear appreciative to the local hosts. It was a Mind-Over-Testosterone kind of situation. The dance ended with everyone applauding and the dancer gracing the exit.
When you pass the test , certain doors open. Doors that lead to other valuable doors. In this kind of War, the value of those doors just can't be underestimated.
Crew-cut was still in deep sleep afterwards, unmindful of the songs or the singers that came afterwards. Did he cheat, pop-in an Ambien pill , was it just jet-lag or was it the Mind-over-Testosterone experience? Spectacles had his eyes wildly open, cheering each singer. Whatever. It took an extra pressure to leave the place, but tomorrow had different challenges. JI was resorting to United Front tactics. They were starting what they called the Rajah Sulayman Movement among the urbanized Muslim youth as part of their recruitment efforts. Rajah Sulayman was the Muslim conqueror of the Fort of Manila in the early 1300's.What deal was negotiated with the MILF in Malaysia ? Did it have anything to do with Sabah? Was JI expecting the declaration of an autonomous Sabah to be a part of Al Qaeda territory? The Ramadan was coming to a close with the Eid El Fitr being declared as a national holiday even if the Muslim population was 5% of the other religions, Roman Catholics forming 85%. Decapitated bodies of 3 Indonesian girls on their way to a Christian school were found in Sulawesi island. The Opposition still drags its feet on the Anti-Terrorism Bill while a JI suspect who gets out on bail, gets hauled back in on charges of rebellion .
With all this work up ahead, we can't afford to screw ourselves up. There are about 100 documented cases involving American soldiers on rape charges in the Philippines, some involving street children and 14 year olds. Under the old Bases Agreement ,most were settled by scurrying the soldiers out of Philippine jurisdiction. At this point in time, another rape case is like shooting ourselves in the foot. Somebody's got to control that zipper or we're bound to lose.