I'm a natural born killer

from JoeUser Forums

I'm a killer.

I've always been a killer.  It just comes naturally to me.  It's not something that I have to work it.

I'm a killer.  Of houseplants.

Any plant that comes into my home has effectively been given a death sentence.  It doesn't matter what kind of plant it is, it's going to die under my care.

My latest victim was a Venus Fly Trap.  It lasted longer than most, it made it almost 2 months before it withered and went black. 

I've dispatches ivies, hyacinths, aloe veras, rubber trees, miniature pepper plants, pitcher plants...all have died under my tender care. The outside plants are fine, they thrive...but indoors - plants don't have a chance.

In the name of humanity (or plant-ity) I've promised my family that ne'er a houseplant shall cross our threshold.  Some of the more sensitive members of the family have said that they simply can't take any more death, any more sensless killing.  I agree with them.  It has to stop.

For the sake of the plants, it has to stop.  No more killing.

 

misc
7,134 views 15 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Try a peace lily (hahahaha, funny coming from an atheist I know!), but really. I can't keep a plant alive either. Except for peace lilies. Why? Because when it needs water, it's very very VERY obvious. The whole plant just lays down. Add water and 20 minutes later it looks great!!

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
cute D you have that in common with colleen the BLACK THUMB"

I take care of all our plants, she can wither them just by passing by. heh
Galactic Civilizations III
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

I take care of all our plants, she can wither them just by passing by.

That's me all over.  I just have this effect on them, you know?  They die as soon as I look at them

I can't keep a plant alive either

I water them and give them the sunlight the little tab thingy says to give them...I follow all the instructions, but still they croak on me.  They just don't like me.  I don't know why... 

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Stop the massacre of innocents!

For heaven's sake, Dharma, can't you just own up to the fact that you have a black thumb and get on with your life? My wife came to terms with it several years ago, and we don't have a single house plant.

God forbid you get an animal.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
this is what I know the two biggest killers of plants are Underwatering and overwatering, next comes too much sunlight, to little sun.

Use a plant food that is time released Mine is good for 6 months at the time.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I kill stuff too. Inside, outside, doesn't matter. In fact, you can extend my black thumb of death to small fish as well.

Gah.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

God forbid you get an animal.

Actually, we've got a dog a cat some fish and a hamster, and they're all doing fine...it's just plants that I kill.

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Use a plant food that is time released Mine is good for 6 months at the time

I tried those spikes....the plants still died.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

Inside, outside, doesn't matter. In fact, you can extend my black thumb of death to small fish as well.

I have 2 bettas that have survived almost a year...that's pretty good for fish in our house.

The outside plants do well, my roses are blooming away...it's just houseplants that i murder.

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
If we had dropped you on Vietnam in the 60s, could we have saved on the cost of Agent Orange?
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
#8 by dharmagrl
Monday, October 17, 2005


use schultz multi-cote slow release, they are little tiny balls of food that you dig into the soil around the base of the houseplant.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
#8 by dharmagrl
Monday, October 17, 2005


use schultz multi-cote slow release, they are little tiny balls of food that you dig into the soil around the base of the houseplant.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Tried cactus? Stick it in a window and remember to water twice a year.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

Tried cactus? Stick it in a window and remember to water twice a year.

And dont hug it!

Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think you need a cactus... and if you kill that... may God have mercy on your soul!!