This is going too far

from JoeUser Forums

"Your parents don't need to be calling here and complaining.  If you're late for lunch, it's your fault, not mine"

"...I wouldn't go run to my mommy and say "waaah"!!  I didn't get to eat!...."

"This room is like my house.  I'm going to do what I want to in my house..."

 

All of the above are statements that my son's teacher made to him and the rest of his class this morning after she had spoken to my husband. 

I personally think that they're HIGHLY inappropriate.

I'm so mad right now, I can't think straight.  I was going to call the school, but I'm too mad to be articulate, so I'm going to wait until tomorrow. 

How DARE she. 

misc
12,020 views 27 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dharma, go straight to the school and file a complaint. They HAVE to take your concerns seriously. I am embarassed to be sharing the same profession with someone like that.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

I think you need to meet with the teacher in person.  Ask if she feels good about herself when she pushes around children.  Man, there are so many teachers looking for jobs right now.  I can't believe that people like that still have a job.

And then they have the nerve to criticize parents.......

Sins of a Solar Empire: Rebellion
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

Dharma, go straight to the school and file a complaint.

I think that's exactly what I'm going to do tomorrow morning.  I'm done pussyfooting around...we tried to do the right thing and talk to the teacher about it, and it got us nowhere.

I'm still mad.  But I'm not shouting mad anymore....now it's more of a collected, calm mad.

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top

Ask if she feels good about herself when she pushes around children.

I makes me want to push HER around. 

She berated my child.  She berated ALL the kids in that class.  Every one of them.  They didn't deserve that, all they did was tell the truth to their parents when we asked why they came home with still-full lunchboxes.

When my child is in school, I'm entrusting his care and well-being to his teacher and the school staff.  They are, in a way, acting in loco parentis.  I'm no longer comfortable with that arrangement; I don't feel like she's advocating for my kid. 

 

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'd talk to a lawyer and see if he would like to join you at your little "conference" with the teacher. Then see how serious she takes you. I'd have the Witches JOB for that!!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
If this is an on base school, there are three more calls you need to make (in addition to the school). The base school board, the Garrison Commander (or whatever the AF equivolent is), and the Base Commander's office.

My wife was on the school board at Ft. Bragg, this is just the kind of crap from teachers that were of interest to them. The Garrison Commander's office is responsible for the infrastructure on the base, and the Commander probably has some kind of 1(800) number for complaints that go beyond "chain of command" problems... which this seems to be.

Apparently it isn't just the lunch ladies who forget who they are there to support.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

If this is an on base school, there are three more calls you need to make (in addition to the school). The base school board, the Garrison Commander (or whatever the AF equivolent is), and the Base Commander's office

This is a civilian school district that has a school on base.  It's not a DoD school; if it were I'd have called the base commander this afternoon. 

When i talk to the principal tomorrow, I'm making it clear that if I get no resolution from her I'll go to the school district and file a complaint with them. 

I'd have the Witches JOB for that!!

I'm not asking for her to get fired, I just want her to tell me how she can justify saying what she did to all the kids in that class.  I also want reassurance that it will NEVER happen again.  Period.

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Oh, I called my frined K to tell her...she asked her boy what the teacher said to them today, and he repeated almost exactly the same words that my Davey said.  Nobody prompted him, nobody put words in his mouth...so it's been verified that those were the words and tone that she used. 

I'd like to see her try and justify it.  I'd LOVE to see that.....

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think you need to meet with the teacher in person. Ask if she feels good about herself when she pushes around children. Man, there are so many teachers looking for jobs right now. I can't believe that people like that still have a job.

And then they have the nerve to criticize parents.......


First of all, bite me. If you have something to say to me, say it to me instead of the snide-ass remarks all over.

Second, you're right...Karen should go in and completely confront this teacher. I wouldn't let my child be talked to like that, not when its his physical well-being in question...and the other kids' well-being as well. She didn't have the right to say those kinds of things to her students by any means. I think the kitchen staff needs to be mindful that the kids need time to eat as well so they don't get tummy aches and so they actually get enough calories to make it through the rest of the day. Lots of schools are doing recess BEFORE lunch nowadays...I think that helps cut down on aches later on in the day. It's FIVE minutes out of this teacher's schedule. It's a bathroom break (which I've eliminated...thus saving like HALF AN HOUR every day--my kids know that if I'm not talking and it's their work time, they can just take the pass and go without asking). It's other wasteful time that can be made up somewhere else.

But...of course, I am an ignoramous teacher and my comments are null.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top

Second, you're right...Karen should go in and completely confront this teacher. I wouldn't let my child be talked to like that, not when its his physical well-being in question...and the other kids' well-being as well. She didn't have the right to say those kinds of things to her students by any means.

Thank you!  Coming from you and InBloom who are both certified teachers, that means a lot. 

What grade is he in again, dharma?

He's in 5th grade.  And she is being a bit of a bitch.

Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thank you! Coming from you and InBloom who are both certified teachers, that means a lot.


Thank YOU! I'd first talk to the teacher and try to sort things out, and then if that didn't work I'd go see administration. Teachers appreciate that kind of a thing, and administrators do, too.

Keep us updated.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'd first talk to the teacher and try to sort things out, and then if that didn't work I'd go see administration. Teachers appreciate that kind of a thing, and administrators do, too.


I think she's past the point of talking to the teacher to try and sort things out. That's how she got this lovely set of quotes, by trying to work with the teacher so far.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
"...I wouldn't go run to my mommy and say "waaah"!! I didn't get to eat!....""This room is like my house. I'm going to do what I want to in my house..."


Ooooh...if I someone said that to my kid, I would fly off on them...I have a horrible temper, and those two phrases just piss me off...take that bitch down, dharma....

~Zoo
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

Thank YOU! I'd first talk to the teacher and try to sort things out, and then if that didn't work I'd go see administration

Welcome, and I already did.  Dave called her this morning, and these comments are what she said to the kids after she got done talking to him.

I think she's past the point of talking to the teacher to try and sort things out. That's how she got this lovely set of quotes, by trying to work with the teacher so far.

Exactly.  We gave her the opportunity to work with us on the kids and their lunchtimes, and this is how she reacted.  So, we're done talking to her, unless it's in the presence of the principal/superintendent.

...take that bitch down, dharma....

I don't want to get her fired...I just want her to quit keeping the kids late into their lunch break.  I also want a written apology from her, and a verbal apology to my son and his classmates.  I want reassurance that this will NEVER happen again.

You know, teachers and parents are supposed to set an example.  What kind of example is she setting?

 

Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't know if the word BULLY garners the almost fanatical attention there as it does here, but if it does, I'd be talking to the super about this teacher BULLYING the kids.

That is exactly what she was doing by her comments after the phone call. She was REALLY saying..."Don't cry to mom and dad about me because I AM IN CHARGE here."

The same thing the fat bully says on the playground before he snatches your lunch money! (Which you won't be needing anyway because they won't give you time to eat.)

Good luck.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Welcome, and I already did. Dave called her this morning, and these comments are what she said to the kids after she got done talking to him.


Sorry, must have missed that somewhere. I'd still try one more time with her face to face...and then let the principal know what's going on...He or she might not honestly know what's going on in the lunchroom as far as time (not that that makes it okay). But comments like those are not okay. They're militant.

I talk to my kids about being responsible for our behavior and if they get a little out of control I have them take a break. First graders can understand that they choose their behavior...but comments like that...definitely not appropriate.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
I guess undermining parents and speaking badly about them to the kids is now part of what some "teachers" consider "professional"??? And they wonder why we don't give them the respect that they should deserve!
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'd file a written report with the principal, and I'd also request that my child be moved to a different class.

I say that now, but 10 years ago when my daughter was in kindergarten, I wasn't strong enough. Teachers always intimidated me. Her kindergarten teacher met me at the door one afternoon and told me that Jessica had wet her pants. She then promptly launched into a lecture that made me want to dig a hole in the floor and crawl in. "This child has NO business being in school if you can't even potty train her..." I explained to the teacher that she was indeed potty trained to which she just smirked and said, "Oh, really!" (you know the look... that "you can't pull one over on ME" look). I went home in tears. A half hour later, Jessica screamed my name from the bathroom... I went running to find blood trickling down her leg. I panicked and took her to the ER, wondering who in that idiotic school had messed with my child and thinking of various things I could do to torture him. It turns out it was a urinary tract infection, brought on by too much time in the bubble bath... (something outlawed in my house from that point on..LOL)

My point is this: I should have reported that woman to the school and held her accountable for her actions. At the time, she was a veteran teacher - arrogant and all-knowing. I was brand new to the school system and terribly intimidated. At that point in my life I was very concerned with what others thought of me... and I was crushed that my first experience with someone I was trying very hard to impress was such a disaster. I was afraid of being known as the "trouble-making" parent... or that horrid woman who gripes about everything. So I kept silent. I left my daughter in the class, but after several encounters where this woman made me feel like dirt, I withdrew Jessica from the school and homeschooled her for 1st through 3rd grades.

The teacher is still there. My second daughter had her, and basically we ignored each other. She was still condescending and arrogant, I didn't give a crap what she thought of me. We survived.

This summer my girlfriend brought me a picture of her son's new teacher and asked me if I knew her. *sigh* I told her the entire story, and she said that a number of her friends had made similar comments about their experiences with her. Hearing my story was the back-breaker for her. She called the principal, related the story and asked to have her child moved. The principal gladly moved him to a new class and said, "I wish I had known. She'd have been terminated on the spot." I wish I had reported her.

Stick to your guns on this thing, dharma... your taxes help to pay her salary, and it's YOUR child she's affecting. I'd get him out of that class... and file a formal report so that at the very least, it will be in her record. She sounds like a juvenile. Her behavior (and comments) are VERY immature. I bet she's got some heavy duty issues going on in some other aspect of her life... she needs help.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Don't speak directly to her again. Make an appointment to speak to the principal and ask her to be present. Then talk to him, and don' t even look at her. If he won't respond find ways of inserting yourself into the situation more often so you'll have to be dealt with face to face.

You've hit a road block. The teacher isn't responding to you. You aren't under her authority, so you know what your next step in the chain of command is. Rattle cages hard enough someone will get chewed, even if it is because they are sick of hearing your mess.

I've dealt with teachers this way twice, and it worked well each time. I refuse to fight on their level, because I'm not on their level. They are a public servant, and I am the public. I don't argue with a cashier at McDonald's, I ask for the manager. You establish yourself to be at the level of whoever you wade into a fight with. Don't give the peons the satisfaction.

Shit falls easier than it throws. Start above them with the boss that would rather not be bothered by them. 90% of the time just having to deal with you will annoy them enough that the person in question will be "handled".

Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have mixed feelings on what is going on here. I do believe that your child is telling the truth and that things are as described. I also believe the teacher is obviously going too far and needs to be reminded that while she/he is an authority figure for the children in her/his care, they don't have to behave like a jackass to get respect and hold it.

On the other hand, in the last I don't know how many years (seems like the last 20 give or take), I've seen teachers lose more and more respect and authority in their classrooms. A sibling is a teacher (or was), their spouse is also a teacher. The acts commited by the children in their classrooms have been ridiculous, including trying to poison my sibling (or at least trying to spike a drink that was in the classroom). My sibling's spouse had a student that decided it was appropriate to curse the teacher out. That student was reprimanded with a small slap and the sibling's spouse is lucky to still have a job, though everyone else in the class backed up the events as described by the teacher, not the student. That student was eventually booted from the classroom.

In many public schools it is now common place for students to curse at teachers as if they human scum. That should not be happening, and teachers need support from parents, and perhaps a little leeway to run their classrooms as necessary in order to maintain order.

But on issues like you described in the original article, it seems clear that the teacher has some domination issues, and a superiority complex. If the teacher doesn't want to work with the parents, then it is very appropriate for the school system to get involved, either at the local level (Principal and others in management) or at the school board level. Teachers that can't or won't work with parents or at least won't respond positively to parents that are concerned about their children's education are not helping anyone, and probably should be looking for another line of work.
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top

But comments like those are not okay.

Thank you, I don't think they are either.

I guess undermining parents and speaking badly about them to the kids is now part of what some "teachers" consider "professional"??? And they wonder why we don't give them the respect that they should deserve!

Exactly.  I emailed the superintendent, and I mentioned to him that part of this schools core values are the 3 'r's....respect, responsibility and right choices.  This teacher hasn't displayed ANY of those values in her dealings with either students or parents.

 

Stick to your guns on this thing, dharma...

I am.  I'm not backing down now.

I refuse to fight on their level, because I'm not on their level. They are a public servant, and I am the public. I don't argue with a cashier at McDonald's, I ask for the manager. You establish yourself to be at the level of whoever you wade into a fight with. Don't give the peons the satisfaction.

Thank you, Baker.  I'm dealing with the superintendent, and I'm no longer interested in speaking with the teacher.  She had the opportunity to talk to us this morning, and she blew it.  So, fuck her.

That should not be happening, and teachers need support from parents, and perhaps a little leeway to run their classrooms as necessary in order to maintain order.

I'm prepared to give teachers leeway to discipline my child in partnership with me, the parent.  If my child has messed up, then by all means tell me and we'll work together to find an acceptable solution.  Today's events were simply not acceptable from a 5th grader, let alone a teacher, someone who is supposed to be a professional.

Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top

don't know if the word BULLY garners the almost fanatical attention there as it does here, but if it does, I'd be talking to the super about this teacher BULLYING the kids.

Excellent point, one that I will be bringing up tomorrow when I talk with the school district superintendent.

Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top

don't know if the word BULLY garners the almost fanatical attention there as it does here, but if it does, I'd be talking to the super about this teacher BULLYING the kids.

Excellent point, one that I will be bringing up tomorrow when I talk with the school district superintendent.

Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Forget the superintendent. Try to forget your Buddhist ways for a day, then hide out and bushwack her. If you hit her enough times with a nightstick or a bat, I garohntee (s' cajun, almost) she won't yell at your kids again. She might cringe when she sees them, but she won't yell.
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
I was afraid of being known as the "trouble-making" parent... or that horrid woman who gripes about everything. So I kept silent


That used to be a fear of mine too. I learned though, that you have to speak up. Some teachers have an infallability complex (that's not a dig at you, Marcie)and think that no parent could possibly know as much as they do. Sometimes the best thing you can do as a parent is speak up and keep speaking up for your child.

Davey's teacher last year was fantastic. His teacher the year before was great too, and his first grade teacher was Mr Melendez who was absolutely brilliant. He gave Davey a much needed male influence, and he was simply great. I don't have issues with ALL of his teachers......it just seems like this year we've got a not-so-good teacher and we're having a hard time with her.

We're kind of caught too....she's the Talented and Gifted teacher. The only TaG teacher for that grade. So, we can't really ask for him to be transferred to another class because he's working at a different level.

He said something to me earlier that really bothered me. He said that he was scared he'd get bad grades now because his teacher's fighting with his parents. I wanted to tell him that his teacher was a professional and would never do anything like that.....but after her actions and words this morning I really don't know that she wouldn't.