Whatever happened to that?

My friend Ferret (aka Mark) sent me this.  Someone had linked to it on his 'myspace' blog.

I appreciated it, and I think that you will appreciate it too, Joe Users.

 

"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont.
I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.
I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations
that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children.
You are cruel and ignorant.
You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright
families from the time he was in the first grade.
He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the
misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys.
He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing,
mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them.
My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't
bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace,
while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair.
I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him,
on this Earth to give you someone to abuse.
God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you,
that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join.
The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose.
Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know.
I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality.
You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you.
If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing
I received with no effort whatsoever on my part.
It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it.
For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or
something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled.
Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen,
that you could change it at will?
If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders.
Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations.
I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country,
saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles
they died defending.
My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded
and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live.
He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one.
One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out,
it mattered not at all.
That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that
was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness.
It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital,
to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family,
would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings.
There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant.
God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and
tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing"
asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?"

I've been asking myself the same question....

14,136 views 39 replies
Reply #1 Top
Very touching, Dharma, thanks so much for posting this. I wish I could give this lady and her son a hug.
Reply #2 Top
A very well written and moving letter. Definately food for thought.
Reply #3 Top
The letter addressed every single issue and poked holes into the argument.

I liked reading letters like those. It restores my faith in humanity a bit.
Reply #4 Top
A heart wrenching letter from a mother whose life has been torn apart by the actions of many short sighted people. Unfortunately two of those short sighted people were her own son, and herself.

The kids who teased and mistreated her son were wrong, there is no denying that. However many kids are taunted and abused by others to the point of contemplating suicide. Her son's situation was not unique to kids who either are (or are merely suspected to be) homosexual.

Also, she denies the existance of a homosexual agenda simply because her son (and most homosexuals) was a good person. First of all, their is an agenda among "gay activists". As with activists in every movement there are good people and "bad" people. The character of the people involved has little to do with the existance of an agenda or even the right or wrong of the agenda itself. Also, while there is a "gay agenda" that doesn't mean that all gay people are a part of it (or that all of the people involved in it are gay).

She also assumes that everyone who is gay accepts it as a lifestyle. There are gay people who marry, have kids and live fulfilled and happy lives. There are also heterosexuals who, for reasons of their own, get off on sexual activity with members of the same sex. They feel no attraction towards members of their own sex, so they aren't really gay. As we all know, sex and love are not the same thing.

The kids who harrassed this mother's son made choices. They chose to be obnoxious jerks. On the other hand, her son also made choices. Happily he didn't actually go through with his suicidal plans, but whether he did or not was not because of the obnoxious jerks. If he had of killed himself it would have been himself who made that choice. As it turned out, there was something within him (along with the support of those how loved him) that helped carry him through and rise above.

What this mother (in her grief) forgets is that everything we do is a matter of choice. Gay or straight, we all feel attractions, feeling those attractions does not preclude the ability to choose. Therefore, Yes, a person who chooses to act on homosexual attractions IS choosing a gay lifestyle (even if they don't choose to be a part of the "gay agenda". On the other hand, a straight person also chooses a their lifestyle.

This mother is bitter towards those who harrassed her son all those years. Her bitterness is also her choice. Let's hope for her sake that the inner strength and external support that helped her son overcome the anguish that led him to consider suicide is also somewhere within herself and she too can rise above.
Reply #5 Top
I wish I could give this lady and her son a hug

Me too.

Definately food for thought.

Sure is.....

The letter addressed every single issue and poked holes into the argument.

I liked reading letters like those. It restores my faith in humanity a bit.

Again, me too.


There are gay people who marry, have kids and live fulfilled and happy lives.


Yes, there are. There are many same sex couples who get married, have kids and lead very happy lives.

Therefore, Yes, a person who chooses to act on homosexual attractions IS choosing a gay lifestyle


What other choice is there? To be yourself, to be who you are, or to spend a life denying yourself. A lifetime of fraud. A sham.

To thine own self be true.

I'd rather do that than send my entire life lying to myself and everyone around me.
Reply #6 Top
What other choice is there? To be yourself, to be who you are, or to spend a life denying yourself. A lifetime of fraud. A sham.

To thine own self be true.

I'd rather do that than send my entire life lying to myself and everyone around me.


That in itself "is" the choice.
Reply #7 Top
What other choice is there? To be yourself, to be who you are, or to spend a life denying yourself. A lifetime of fraud. A sham.To thine own self be true.I'd rather do that than send my entire life lying to myself and everyone around me.


So a person should persue every attraction, temptation or inkling simply to "be true" to themselves and not deny themselves? I guess I should have slept with that female troop in Saudi Arabia, she was cute, she made it known that she wanted to, and I was attracted to her. Wow, I didn't know I was being a fraud or "denying myself"... all this time I thought I was being a good husband, father and what's the other word..... oh yeah.. person. Imagine. ;~D
Reply #8 Top
Yes, there are. There are many same sex couples who get married, have kids and lead very happy lives.


Thanks for twisting the words to miss the point. ;~D
Reply #9 Top
I'm pretty neutral on this topic...now truly thinking about it...I don't care to much for the 'I'm gay, deal with it' attitude...and i don't want my children (when i have children) to be subjected to this...so i would try to advert their eyes... but yet, i am an avid freedom, liberty,etc.. person...so its a bit ironic...

yes the letter was touching...but IMO biased in fact that that was her son and father/father in law...emotions run most people...especially when it comes to defending family members...
Reply #10 Top

That in itself "is" the choice.

I don't agree.  I think that if youre gay, you're gay.  There IS no choice.

So a person should persue every attraction, temptation or inkling simply to "be true" to themselves and not deny themselves?

Nope, but asking a gay person to lead a straight lifestyle is tantamount to asking someone to lie not only to themselves but to everyone around them.  How do you think a woman would feel if the man she had been married to for years, the father of her children, suddenly said "look, I can't live this lie anymore.  I'm gay"? How devastating would that be, not only to her but to her children?  This discussion isn't about people choosing to have affairs, this is about homo versus heterosexual life choices.

Thanks for twisting the words to miss the point. ;~D

I didn't twist anything, you left yourself wide open for that one...

...I don't care to much for the 'I'm gay, deal with it' attitude...and i don't want my children (when i have children) to be subjected to this...so i would try to advert their eyes

I don't care much for self-professed pathalogical liars, but they're a part of life, of society.....so rather than avert my kids eyes I let them see and then explain.  I'd rather they had a good grasp on what things are about that they led a sheltered life and were blindsided by things when they get older.

Reply #11 Top
Nope, but asking a gay person to lead a straight lifestyle is tantamount to asking someone to lie not only to themselves but to everyone around them. How do you think a woman would feel if the man she had been married to for years, the father of her children, suddenly said "look, I can't live this lie anymore. I'm gay"? How devastating would that be, not only to her but to her children? This discussion isn't about people choosing to have affairs, this is about homo versus heterosexual life choices.


Actually I have a cousin who, after 20+ years of marriage and 4 kids, he chose to persue his homosexual urges. It was his choice to marry, have kids and live a heterosexual lifestyle. He was a great husband and father.

Then he chose to announce the side of him he had kept a secret for who knows how long. The family accepted that, we know he is a great guy and hey, he is family. However, he couldn't accept the choices and commitments he had made to his wife and his kids.

He started going out on weekends with the guys. When we had a hard time accepting him as a cheater, he accused us of rejecting him because he's gay. Then he became an activist.

You ask me how devastating it would be for a wife and kids to hear their father say, "look, I can't live this lie anymore. I'm gay"... Imagine the devastation it was to my cousin's wife and children to hear him stand up making speaches about how he regrets getting married or having kids.

I think it's pretty insulting to say that people (gay or straight) can't make choices. The stereotype is that gay people just jump on anything that moves. To me, the whole "no choices" argument is just a perpetuation of that stereotype.

The mother in your article has choices, her son has choices, my cousin has choices and even my friend from the pedophilia series (who happens to also be gay) all have choices. In fact, we all have choices. None of us get to sit back and say, "it's just the way I am, I don't have a choice."

It is because too many are willing to quit thinking and just act that so many people can find excuses for their actions. We all have urges, temptations and hormones... last I checked it was our brains, not our hormones that we humans use for thinking... and choosing.
Reply #12 Top
Thanks for twisting the words to miss the point. ;~D

I didn't twist anything, you left yourself wide open for that one...


Yeah, in my wording, I guess I did leave myself open. You know what my point was, but I can't blame you for taking a shot at an open target of opportunity. ;~D
Reply #13 Top
Actually I have a cousin who, after 20+ years of marriage and 4 kids, he chose to persue his homosexual urges. It was his choice to marry, have kids and live a heterosexual lifestyle. He was a great husband and father.

Then he chose to announce the side of him he had kept a secret for who knows how long. The family accepted that, we know he is a great guy and hey, he is family. However, he couldn't accept the choices and commitments he had made to his wife and his kids.

He started going out on weekends with the guys. When we had a hard time accepting him as a cheater, he accused us of rejecting him because he's gay. Then he became an activist.

You ask me how devastating it would be for a wife and kids to hear their father say, "look, I can't live this lie anymore. I'm gay"... Imagine the devastation it was to my cousin's wife and children to hear him stand up making speaches about how he regrets getting married or having kids.


You just proved your own point that gay people who get married and have a family (pretending to be "straight") aren't truly happy and are living a sham. Eventually, the truth will come out and there will be a lot of hurt going around.

Why does society force people to make those decisions? Just live and let live.
Reply #14 Top
You just proved your own point that gay people who get married and have a family (pretending to be "straight") aren't truly happy and are living a sham. Eventually, the truth will come out and there will be a lot of hurt going around.

Why does society force people to make those decisions? Just live and let live.


I proved no such thing. For one thing, unless you are willing to say that all gay people are the same, I only cited one person. Since they aren't, one person does not prove your point.

Secondly, society didn't "force" him to do anything. He has a brain, he made choices. He chose to marry and he and his wife chose to have kids. Deciding later that he would be happier going out on weekends to have sex with guys was no different than a straight man deciding to go out on weekends and have sex with other women. He added to the callousness by publicly announcing that he wished his kids were never born. On the other hand, his wife also had choices, and her decision was to stay with him through it all. Again, that was a choice they made together.

To say that everyone in the world has choices except gay people is just insulting.
Reply #15 Top
I don't care much for self-professed pathalogical liars, but they're a part of life, of society.....so rather than avert my kids eyes I let them see and then explain. I'd rather they had a good grasp on what things are about that they led a sheltered life and were blindsided by things when they get older.


--People, Get over it...geez...
Reply #16 Top
later that he would be happier going out on weekends to have sex with guys was no different than a straight man deciding to go out on weekends and have sex with other women.


It is completely different--in so much as the marriage was a farce in the first place.
Reply #17 Top
For me, it is as simple as this. I do not want any group of people ramming the views down my throat. period.
Reply #18 Top
It is completely different--in so much as the marriage was a farce in the first place.


Well, you can stereotype gay people all you want, but that marriage was not a farce, it was a commitment between a man, a woman and later 4 kids that he chose to trash because of lust.

The point of it all is, he not only had choices, he made choices. Just because he later chose to resent the choices (and the kids who loved him) later in life doesn't make the original choices (or marriage) any less valid.

Why do you think so little of gay people that you think they are incapable of making choices, or that their responsibility towards their commitments are somehow less valid than heterosexuals?
Reply #19 Top
You just proved your own point that gay people who get married and have a family (pretending to be "straight") aren't truly happy and are living a sham. Eventually, the truth will come out and there will be a lot of hurt going ar


Exactly what I was going to say.

People, Get over it...geez...


No, dude, YOU get over it. You're the one who started this by saying: I don't care to much for the 'I'm gay, deal with it' attitude...and i don't want my children (when i have children) to be subjected to this...so i would try to advert their eyes...
YOU get over it.

t is completely different--in so much as the marriage was a farce in the first place.


I'm confused, ted. You say that gay people shouldn't act on their impulses, and you say: There are gay people who marry, have kids and live fulfilled and happy lives. but then you give an example of someone who did that and say that his marriage was a farce. To me, the marriage of ANY gay man to a straight woman is a farce. I don't understand your point.

I do not want any group of people ramming the views down my throat. period.


I'd be happy with that too.
Reply #20 Top
Well, you can stereotype gay people all you want, but that marriage was not a farce, it was a commitment between a man, a woman and later 4 kids that he chose to trash because of lust.


Ted, I don't believe that I am stereotyping gays by saying that when people who are truly gay involve themselves in a straight marriage it is a farce--it's the definition of gay--you like/are attracted to people of the same sex, not the opposite sex.

I'm not saying that what your cousin did upon ending the marriage was right (or wrong, I wasn't there, I can't tell), but by constantly disapproving of gays, society has played a role in this, and other, situations where gays tried to hide their true selves.

I am not doubtful of the ability of gays to make choices for themselves or to stand by the commitments that they've made willingly in good faith. What I am saying is that society has a way of shaping our decision making process by enforcing "societal norms."
Reply #21 Top
Ted it's unfortunate what happened to your cousin. I'm sorry she and her children, especially the children, had to go through something like that. I know it would have been very hurtful if I was in her situation.

We also have to look at the reason why your cousin-in-law did what he did. I don't agree with him getting married in the first place, perhaps he didn't know he was gay? Then again, that depends on how young he was when he got married for him not to know he felt this way. Of course there's also the argument that he knew and did get married because of the pressures of being gay in an heterosexual world. Having the desire and need to hide what he truly is because of how his family will look at him.

The thing is, as Shades said, society does play a role in the gay world, and those who are gay will try to hide their true self until they discover who they really are and show it.

Being gay, although somewhat more acceptable by some now, was a big taboo so many years ago. And there are still so many mountains to climb today.

The letter that this mother wrote does say a lot and she does bring up some very good points.
Reply #22 Top
Dharma, he doesnt take hints well


I can see that now. I've been trying to refrain from saying what I feel and think, but my resistance is wearing very, very thin.
Reply #23 Top
The point was, he made choices, which means he has choices to make. He chose marriage and a family. Him later deciding to act on his attraction to men was no different than if I (being married) acted on an attraction to another woman.

The side point was, when he "came out", we were willing to accept him because he is family. His wife was willing to stay with him, and his kids (who btw were all adults at the time) were willing to stand by him. He made a choice to persue a different lifestyle. We had choices too. We could reject him or reject him. In the end he rejected all of us (except his wife, who died of cancer a few years ago.

See, so many choices he made in his life. They were his to make, but the consequences weren't limited to him. People talk about "being true to yourself", well that is all well and good, but if all you did is think of how it affects yourself... well that's a pretty sad way to live if you ask me.
Reply #24 Top
What a great letter by a loving, wonderful mother. There are just too many people out there with opinions about something they know nothing about who don't realise how hurtful and damaging their 'opinions' can be. How can anyone 'choose' to be who they really are? Utter ridiculousness.

Thanks for posting this, Dharma.

Cheers,

Maso
Reply #25 Top
o, dude, YOU get over it. You're the one who started this by saying: I don't care to much for the 'I'm gay, deal with it' attitude...and i don't want my children (when i have children) to be subjected to this...so i would try to advert their eyes...
YOU get over it.


--It wasn't about that... although we are all entitled to our opinions, are we not?

--I mean what the hell did i say in this thread...i voiced my opinions just like others here...and yet people are pissed...WTF??? so i bashe you cause of your opinions... i mean yes, i made the mistake, as bakerstreet said, of trying to go one on one with LW (never do that again...) instead of conceding first...(which i did, but never said anything about it until later, as i set my goal on defending myself...) ....i just tried to argue louder...i am sorry for that...and so what if i have a condition...does that make me any different than what everyone here has seen through my posts/articles....no...

--Dharma, if you want, email me your feel and think to me via email...in fact, anyone for that matter...lets take it off of JU... ( [email protected] )