Do Gay guys know the meaning of Intimacy?

from JoeUser Forums
I've been single now for almost four years.

During this time I have "seen" a few guys and explored meeting a few guys from chatting with them on the net.

The sad thing is that most (not all) seem to only want to meet up for sex.

Sex in the gay world seems very easy to find. What I am after though is intimacy.

Does this exist in gay culture?

If it does .. please lead me in the right direction.
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21,798 views 23 replies
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Tell me about it LW! .. so honey .. where is that in the gay world??

Im yet to find it.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
above the neckline.


? im looking for the heart.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
above the waist not the neck.. its in the middle
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
P: I'm not gay, so I can't answer. You, however, are, so you're more informed about the subject than I...so, you tell me. DO gay dudes know the meaning of intimacy?

Trolling for sex on the internet isn't limited to the homosexual community either; there are tons of sites dedicated to the same thing for straight people. I think that the problem you're having might be because of where you're looking at...have you thought about searching for people by interest rather than sexual orientation alone? Or, perhaps you chould search by sexual orientation AND interest.

Good luck finding your love!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I agree with Dharma, especially the part ' by interest rather than sexual orientation ' - you need to get your head out of the pump. Take care. .A.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
That's an interesting question Phoenix but as Dharma said, since I'm not gay, I can't answer that question for you. I could ask my friend who is gay though -mmm, that would be an interesting question to ask him.

Speaking from a heterosexual point of view though that question could also be asked of anyone in any relationship. Not everyone knows the meaning of intimacy. They figure it with sex, i.e., being physical, nothing else.

Some men do not know anything about intimacy, they're totally clueless on that aspect too.

Just keep on being optimistic Phoenix, someday your prince will come!
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can ask my friend Jason if he finds the same thing if you like...that might be an interesting conversation1
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Seriously, it's been my experience that women tend to be better at the whole "intimacy" thing than men do. I get the distinct impression, both from history and my own personal life experiences, that one vital role women play in society is to "civilize" the men they interact with.

I know this makes me sound horribly bigoted and sexist. No matter how I sound, though, I assure that I am not. It's obvious that women differ from men in many profound ways--physically, biochemically, emotionally, probably spiritually, too. There seems to be a certain "complementarity" between the two genders, that contributes to the fulfilment of heterosexual relatiionships at all levels. Whether or not homosexual relationships are able to replace this inter-gender complementarity with something equally healthy and successful, I don't know.

There's a lot of anecdotal evidence to support such a claim, but there's also a lot of statistical evidence to refute it, I think.

Anyway, phoenixboi, I wish you success in every good thing you set out to do. Certainly, intimate and fulfilling gay relationships are possible. You deserve nothing less, and I hope you get one.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Stutefish, quite an insightful response you gave. I just tried to give you an insigtful for that comment but my computer is acting....real......s...l..o...ww! Anyway, good response!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
... yeah just a little... (refering to aeryk giving relationship advice to a homosexual).

Then again, Jesus seemed to talk to everybody, so I would assume it is ok for someone who knows of Jesus and believes in God would too. Something about loving everyone and not judging them...
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
back to the thread

little_whip, post 14 sounds like a commercial for eHormany.com lol

'eHormany matches you up with people like you and points on laughter blah blah yada yada..."

It works through. You want to meet someone then go outside and do something you like (or on the net). You like (gasp) Britney Spears, then join her paid fan club. I like DC (Destiny's Child for all you lamers out there) so I might meet someone who has my same attitudes on their paid fan site (I say paid because the unpaid ones tend to be full of kids who WRITE IN CAPS and WrItE LiKe ThIs)


Seriously, it's been my experience that women tend to be better at the whole "intimacy" thing than men do. I get the distinct impression, both from history and my own personal life experiences, that one vital role women play in society is to "civilize" the men they interact with.


I think so too. You can be as gay as you want to be, your still a guy lol. Most likely you will be guyish rather than girlish (I have known some girlish guys but their not always gay guys)

No matter how hard you try, you just can't get rid of that penis. It just sticks out (well... unless you go for the operation, but that's lame, you were born with a penis and testacies, you just happen to like other penis's and testacies... lol)

Maybe that is the problem??? I don't really know because I am not gay, but I did know a few people who were and the guys they were dating tended to act like guys; just with lighter voices and a sway in the hips.

Just my observation... I have no idea if it is really true.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh, and does anyone else find it a bit bizarre to see aeryk-the-super-christian giving relationship advice to a homosexual?


Yeah, I do. Tres wierd.

LW has some good advice, P. Do what you love, and surround yourself with people who love the same thing...and you'll find someone. What you're douing now is akin to my (if I were single) going up to some stange dude I'd never met before and saying "Hey! I'm white, straight, and of european descent, and so are you! How about we fall in love?".
Well, maybe not that simplified, but you get the idea.....
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
That is a pump, it has no feelings, that your mind does not actually put there. I have a friend who is a quadraplegic, perhaps you would like to get intimate with him

Damn I go to sleep and everyone joins in!

aeryck.. firstly, id like to say thanks for joining in here, im not sure what your motives are but man ive got to say that Im really not interested in the Jesus links you show me. So if your gonna join in on the conversations here, then do it out of your own interest and not in the interest in trying to shove your beliefs to me, subtle or not man - it doesnt work for me.

Secondly, the heart is not just a pump, and thinking that your mind is your heart? well that might explain a few things, but for me the heart (the spiritual heart) is based in the centre of my chest, the centre of my being. That is what I was referring to, not the physical mechanical organ called the heart.

Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
P: I'm not gay, so I can't answer. You, however, are, so you're more informed about the subject than I...so, you tell me. DO gay dudes know the meaning of intimacy?


Hey D good to see you!

well, in my experience it is very rare to find anyone who really knows what Intimacy is about, or who will embrace it without running a mile. Maybe this is experieced on both sides of the fence?

I wanna say that it is hard to find other gay guys, this is due to the stigma society has placed on people coming out. So you got the extremes of the really "out" there guys who frankly turn me off, to the ones who are married and in the closet. You either go to a gay bar, which I have to drive an hour to get to, and mostly drunken drugged out guys dont do it for me either, and to the other exreme you go to a beat (sex in the bushes type place) where that doesnt interest me either cause guys who are there are there to get off, nothing else. Which is fine. Then you got the internet which seems to be an alternative way to find people. But I dont hold my breath on that either.

Ive explored alot of avenues, at this stage im happy where i am at. What I am hearing from other friends and from what I gather from the guys that I chat to, is that there is a dimension to the gay world that has been lost somewhere. Or more so is now being longed after. I think gay guys are sick of the lack of intimacy and are searching for that more now.

I could ask my friend who is gay though -mmm, that would be an interesting question to ask him.
Thanks forever It would be interesting to see if this is becoming more universal. And my prince will come maybe he has already.

I can ask my friend Jason if he finds the same thing if you like


Thanks D.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Some men do not know anything about intimacy, they're totally clueless on that aspect too.


So maybe this is just a male hormone thing??
Seriously, it's been my experience that women tend to be better at the whole "intimacy" thing than men do. I get the distinct impression, both from history and my own personal life experiences, that one vital role women play in society is to "civilize" the men they interact with.


thanks stute!
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Do what you love, PB, and you can't help but meet people to love, too. Hopefully, one of them will love you back


I think a grea deal has to do with finding oneself hey. When you are comfortable with your own self and really love who you are then everything else falls into place.
Oh, and does anyone else find it a bit bizarre to see aeryk-the-super-christian giving relationship advice to a homosexual?


LW.. even though he has been nice to me and I welcome him on my threads, I have noticed the links he gives me are very christian in their orientation. But hey I dont take much notice of them and if he is trying to "save my soul" then good for him, whaever floats his boat and makes him feel good. Its better than telling me im evil (i guess he might be but not outright) but there is no conflict. If it got to conflict then i know what to do.

Yeah, I do. Tres wierd.LW has some good advice, P


This is a good moment in JU.

Maybe that is the problem??? I don't really know because I am not gay, but I did know a few people who were and the guys they were dating tended to act like guys; just with lighter voices and a sway in the hips


.. joeknowledge you made me laugh.. but hey Im not the swaying hip type.. and dont look for that either. Im looking for the heart, the soul, the ones who are grounded and call themselves men. (oh dear)

What you're douing now is akin to my (if I were single) going up to some stange dude I'd never met before and saying "Hey! I'm white, straight, and of european descent, and so are you! How about we fall in love?". Well, maybe not that simplified, but you get the idea.....


No im over that bit, if i did that then I would have a bf every week. heck Id have 2 on the go at the same time That is the question that guys ask me... why are you single? You shouldnt be. Then I say to them that I am looking for someone that when I look into their eyes I can see their soul.. and then they say ..oh ok.. that's why.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
It would not surprise me if he generally acted in a loving, "Christlike" manner, but he's told so many JU Christians that they "hate God" it really blows my mind to see him here chatting away and giving gay relationship advice.


Just wait till I start telling Christians how to love..
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think you should, PB. If a silly old queen like you can love a hateful old nazi like me--there may be hope for this world yet...


Ahh.. but I seen a glimpse of something more LW.. and I dont think they would open their hearts up..without alterior motives.

Love ya too .. ya old bitch
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
.... I know this thread isn't about Christians but....

I was called to Christ somewhere in the 1990's. March 1994 to be more accurate. I am very thankful of that and the person who helped me to see something I didn't.


This might sound shocking but, I tend to be selfish with the whole Christian thing. I hardly tell anyone, I just act a certain way, speak a certain way and behave pretty normally. When I comes to saving other people, I tend to come to this conclusion.

I have more work to do on myself than to tell others that they need God
In other words, judging others is just not my thing. I got my own problems to fix. You know what I mean?

Funny though, I don't pull in say 10 people a month to go to church, but I do get people asking me if I go because of my behavior. I think it is better to speak about Christ through your actions, not through words, links and quotes from the Bible every other 20 minutes or so.

Live it and be it, not talk about it and drag others into it. Telling me I need God is obvious; tell me something I don't know...



I agree with aeryck (gasp) about the mind though... your heart reacts to what your brain is feeling. That sinking feeling in your chest or feeling of love is a signal coming from your brain. The body does do things on its own but it is your brain that is where your universe it at. If your brain dead, i am sure your 'center' will not react to a lovers presence (or any presence for that matter).


Gay people know the meaning of intimacy from what I have seen. I do think though that when it comes to guy homosexuals, they tend to act like guys in a sense that getting in touch with your feelings is not as pronounced as with women.


If only you were after a gay woman... that would take care of your problems. Then again, that would just not work.

If I were gay, I would rather be gay as a woman then gay and be a guy cause it would seem gay guys are still guys.


.... little_whip... your a Nazi???? I think the only Jewish guy on JoeUser would not like this.... not at all. Very sick indeed.
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks for sharing joeknowledge.

Im writting a little about my journey and you can check them out on my blog.. so you might come to see about where I am at spiritually.

I think i am christian..but not in any way what a normal christian might use the term to imply.

As far as my heart and my head are concerned... well im not talking in terms of emotions or physicality. Im talking more on different terms, my heart my spiritual centre doesnt take directions from my brain. There is to me than my brain and if my brain was dead then it would be my brain dead not me. Make sense?

Hmm dont know about getting into a relationship with a lesbian... just not my thing. (that is based on my experience with lesbians).

But thanks again for sharing..