On raising free thinking children

As part of his quest to water my flowers (if you've read any of my previous articles you'll know what I'm talking about) my husband has decided he wants to learn to play guitar. 

So has my daughter.  She's said for a few months now that she wants a starter acoustic for her birthday.

I'm stoked.  Not because we'll all be able to play together (although that is really cool) and not because Shea's taking an interest in what I do (although that's really cool too)....but because I can see  that what we do encourages our kids.  That our actions have a direct affect on how they behave and what they do.

This isn't a new thing, I know, but this is the thing that caused me to sit and look back at how our children's behaviour mirrors our own.

I was raised in a very conservative household.  We, as kids, weren't encouraged to do much of anything...I realize now that it was probably just my folks' way of trying to show us how the 'real' world was, but at the times (and for years afterwards) it seemed to me like it was all negativity. 

D's family was much the same.  He wasn't really encouraged much as a child either...even now, some of the things that are huge accomplishments to him just get a "well, that's nice" from his parents.

We said that we weren't going to be like that.  We said that we wanted to expose our children to as much as we could, and that we wanted to let the find their own way and make their own decisions.  We said that if nothing else, we wanted to raise free-spirited, free-thinking kids who weren't afraid to speak their minds.

That was before we had kids.  Saying it is easy.  Putting it into practice is hard. 

But, we tried.  We tried to, instead of verbally telling our kids that being different is okay, show them by being a bit different ourselves.  By not hiding what we like under a bush, by not being afraid or ashamed to be ourselves. 

It's starting to show.  None of our children is content to just 'go with the flow'.  They're all unashamedly individuals, unafraid to be different compared to other kids their age.  They speak their minds, and more importantly, they know why they think what they think and are willing to aruge their point. 

It's not all about what D and I like or think to be true either.  My youngest wanted to go to church, so we took him, and we talk about Christian teachings with him.  It's hard to do sometimes, because I don't agree with some of it...but I'm trying to be as impartial as I can be.  I understand that exposing them to things isn't always going to be about what I like and what I agree with, and if I limit them to my preferences I'm going to be doing pretty much what my parents did.

As I child, I was incredibly shy.  As a teenager I had no self confidence.  I remember how incredibly painful that was, and I don't want my kids to go through that.  I used to worry that in ecouraging them to be individuals I would also be effectively ostracizing them from their peers, thereby passing on to them the same issues I had as a kid. 

Thus far, that hasn't been the case.  None of them has ever been afraid or ashamed to state who they are and what they're about, no matter how drastically that may differ from what their peers are thinking or liking.

Much like their parents.

What we do as adults, our attitudes and beliefs...those are mirrored by our children.  We may never sit down with them and tell them "this is what I believe, and you should do the same"....but we don't have to. 

Just living with us is influence enough.