After the funeral: Cleansing sex and HIV
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JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Imagine that you're a woman and that your husband dies before you. It's the night of his burial and you're sad, angry--I don't know what, all the emotions that can come at a time like that. And imagine that you're scared for your life because you have to sleep with one of his relatives to "cleanse" yourself of your dead husband's spirit.
My husband, who is young and healthy, was in the hospital recently for a freak occurrence (he's fine now). When I walked into the room where he lay still as dead, his eyes wide open and staring, his neck at a strange angle--I had visions of being a 25-year-old widow. And while they were altogether bad, none of those visions included disrobing and voluntarily having sexual intercourse with his father, brothers, cousins, or uncles the night of the funeral. How sick is that, we all must think.
At the same time, I understand that there are cultures in the world where this is to be expected: a dreaded event to be dealt with and then forgotten. The traditions and rituals are their own, and I can only have an outsider's view and try to respect them as they are.
But if the event is deadly--if the "cleanser" leaves a woman infected with HIV and possibly pregnant--I can't sit here and say, "Well, it's their way of doing things--who am I to mess with it?". Let them do the rest of their rituals, their rites, and have their beliefs in spirits and gods and demons, but do not let their ignorance prevent them from using a condom--or from finding a different ritual to help the woman break the tie that seems to bind.
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I don't know what to do. Here's the link to the NYTimes article: Link
My husband, who is young and healthy, was in the hospital recently for a freak occurrence (he's fine now). When I walked into the room where he lay still as dead, his eyes wide open and staring, his neck at a strange angle--I had visions of being a 25-year-old widow. And while they were altogether bad, none of those visions included disrobing and voluntarily having sexual intercourse with his father, brothers, cousins, or uncles the night of the funeral. How sick is that, we all must think.
At the same time, I understand that there are cultures in the world where this is to be expected: a dreaded event to be dealt with and then forgotten. The traditions and rituals are their own, and I can only have an outsider's view and try to respect them as they are.
But if the event is deadly--if the "cleanser" leaves a woman infected with HIV and possibly pregnant--I can't sit here and say, "Well, it's their way of doing things--who am I to mess with it?". Let them do the rest of their rituals, their rites, and have their beliefs in spirits and gods and demons, but do not let their ignorance prevent them from using a condom--or from finding a different ritual to help the woman break the tie that seems to bind.
*
I don't know what to do. Here's the link to the NYTimes article: Link
