Separation Anxiety.

from JoeUser Forums

I'm getting me some T Shirts. 

One that says 'Air Force Wife: answering the call of duty so you don't have to'  and another that says 'Deployment Surivior'.

I am both these things...and more.

This separation has finally sunk in.  The fact that I'm not going to see his face in person until fall has hit me, and it hit me hard. 

That I'm a single parent again, that I'm responsible for everyone and everything in this damn house, that I'm physically not in the greatest shape, that I was supposed to have a support system here but that said support system hasn't visited once since we moved here......it all came crashing down on me.

I spent a couple of days in pajamas, unwashed, unkempt....fulfilling the dirty stinky hippy aspect of my persona to the max.  I spent most of my time trying to meditate...hard to do when you're crying.  I finally gave up and took the Buddha's advice.  I lived for the moment.  If that moment meant crying and feeling sorry for myself, then that's what I did.  If that moment meant gorging on Swedish Fish gummies and existing on caffiene and sugar, then that's what I did.  If that moment meant writing pages of letters to my other half.....then I did it.

I did it.  I let myself feel it.  I stood under the dark clouds that rolled in, and I turned my face towards the rain that fell and let it wash me clean.

I AM an Air Force Wife.  I do this so that others don't have to.  I support my spouse the best I can.  I take care of business here so he can take care of business there.  I stoke the home fires so he doesn't have to go on patrol with 'what if the bills dont get paid and what about the kids and who's looking after the car' in the back of his mind.  Just as he has a job to do for the military, so do I. 

I AM a deployment survivor.  I've done this before, and I CAN do it again. 

I Am tough, and I CAN and WILL see this out.

I'm back.

 

misc
4,231 views 13 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Swedish fish gummies are yummy I'm glad your back. And for whatever support I could offer from the other side of the country, well not much of a system there but I'm here.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Was worried about you, Karen.

Thank you for doing what you do...and a break for yourself was entirely deserved.

Know that you're loved and that I'm thinking of you!

~MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
You are awesome and strong, I hope only good things start to happen for you, you deserve them!

Love ya
Joey
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
You can make it.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
All the best to you, Dharma.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Can't even imagine the trial you are going through. Thanks to you and your husband for all you do for our country.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I Am tough, and I CAN and WILL see this out.I'm back.


I'm glad you have seen this fact. Welcome back!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

And for whatever support I could offer from the other side of the country, well not much of a system there but I'm here.

Thank you Danny...and you may be more help than you realize.

a break for yourself was entirely deserved.

Yeah, it was....and thank you, too.

 

I hope only good things start to happen for you

Thanks....me too.

 

You can make it.

Yeah, I know I can....but there are times when I don't want to.  Mind you, I know that most of the people who deployed didn't want to go either.  We all have to do things that we don't want to do....it's just that some of us seem to step up to the plate more than others, dig?


Reply By: little_whipPosted: Monday, April 25, 2005

Dunno what you meant by that, but ok......

All the best to you, Dharma.

Thanks, Raven.

 

Can't even imagine the trial you are going through. Thanks to you and your husband for all you do for our country.

It's not so bad.  It's as bad as I let it be....and last week I let it be bad.  I'm over that now, though...and you don't have to thank me.  It's not as if what we're doing is totally self-sacrificing, he does get paid to do it...

I'm glad you have seen this fact. Welcome back!

Ahh, Shovel...I owe you one, brother.  Thanks for the well timed kick in the ass....

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
It's not as if what we're doing is totally self-sacrificing, he does get paid to do it...


Makes no difference to me. It still is an invaluable service, and I think thanks are in order.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
"I've done this before, and I CAN do it again.

I Am tough, and I CAN and WILL see this out.

I'm back."

Yes you can and you will. You're a wonderful and strong person and you will survive this too. And this too shall pass. It's good to "see" you again!
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Glad you're back.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Girl, you are a rock! I have been reading your blogs for a long time and you are the strongest person I know (counting those I know in person). D is lucky to come home to such a great woman (and I'm sure he's a great guy, too)!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
And it is so good to see you back too.

I sort of figured you might be taking stock of things. I have no idea about how hard it would be to be in your shoes. I'm just glad you are the strong person you say you are and you've come back.