You are correct Gideon, men are victims of domestic violence and I encourage more men to actively participate in the DV movement. Working with the moment for a while, I can only name one male who participated with regularity, and only one male worked at our local shelter (and not for lack of courting male candidates).
I have no problem with "I love my penis," but I do want to clarify that the buttons are part of a much larger global movement that tries to end violence against women--it wasn't something that these girls thought up by themselves, and the "I (heart) my vagina" pins were not the first part of the campaign. The campaign has been going on for years.
| In Oshkosh, Wisconsin, for instance, a male went to the domestic crisis center and was turned away because the shelter did not have facilities to help men in domestic violence situations. |
I am not surprised that the shelter did not have a place for him to stay, but I am surprised that they did not find him alternative accomodation. In DV, shelters are a tricky thing. The majority of people living in your shelter are women who have been abused by men. It is emotionally difficult for them to live with a male (who in their mind represents their abuser)--the main goal for going to a DV shelter is to get back on your feet both financially and emotionally--so this is a very important detail. In fact, the "safe home" that I worked with didn't allow male boys over the age of 11--it was a safety issue and an emotional comfort issue.
That said, the shelter in question had the moral obligation to find shelter for your friend.
| and yet if a man is to defend himself against an abusive spouse, he gets charged with (guess what? DOMESTIC VIOLENCE). |
This doesn't just happen to men. Plently of women I worked with were the arrested spouse because in the state I worked in, the police were obligated by law to arrest someone in a domestic dispute. One woman threw hot coffee on her boyfriend when he was strangling her--when the police arrived, he was burned making her look like the aggressor. We were very successful in having these charges thrown out of court and dismissed from the record--but it was a crucial step in getting these women to seek treatment.
| Since men are supposed to be the stronger sex (gender), the cases of abuse against them are much smaller, and as such nothing is done for them (defend yourself wimp!). But by ignoring it and degrading the abusee, we only encourage abuse (or self defense in the opposite direction as you correctly point out). |
I don't know any DV organization that ignores that abuse goes both ways--helpline volunteers are trained to be pronoun nuetral to callers--to not assume who is doing the abusing but to counsel the victim.
I'm not sure how women standing up for themselves hurts or degrades men. Women have been told for years that they are inferior because they have breasts and a vagina--by taking control of our vaginas (figuratively), we empower ourselves. Seeking empowerment does not necessarily mean belittling others.
| But if we are to take this discussion seriously, then we must protect ALL victims, and ignoring them is not going to make them go away. |
I don't know who was arguing that we should ignore certain victims. I encourage you to go out and support your local DV helplines, volunteer at the shelters, donate, do whatever you can.
Children are also victims of DV--and DV organizations work to promote awareness of this in order to protect children. However, I encourage anyone who can draw attentiont to the issue to do so--and that is what the V-Day campaign does. We need to help who we can when we can--as you are probably aware, DV organizations are nonprofit and operate on a lot of volunteer hours and the hope that the community will be giving and caring.
Dr. Guy--I am also confused as to who you think is not taking this conversation seriously. I am a full supporter of the Vagina Monologues and all their work (including the buttons). I have participated in marches to raise awareness, answered helplines, organized conferences for highschool students, adopted familes who were torn apart by DV, and sadly, I have also attended candlelight vigils for murdered women who had attended our support groups and come to our center for counseling--sometimes all our efforts was not enough. I for one, take this issue very seriously, for I know that it is a life or death issue.
Sorry, I got a bit long winded.
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