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If Biblical Headlines were written by today's media

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If Biblical Headlines were written by today's media

Surprised?

from JoeUser Forums

On Red Sea crossing:

WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE

Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:

HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION

Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:

FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY

400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:

HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS

Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:

PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH

Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:

LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED

"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:

MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE

Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:

FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK

Will Reading to be Delayed

 
humor
19,392 views 41 replies
Reply #26 from JoeUser Forums Top

Some guy a few years back when the web was first catching on registered peta.org before PETA could and put up a page for the People for the EATING of Tastey Animals Sadly, he lost the site in a court ruling and PETA got it back.


Yes, that was Sad!  The court had no sense of humor!

Reply #27 from JoeUser Forums Top

Zoomba and Gideon,


Great ones!  I did not know this would develop into a contest, but I sure am loving it!

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Reply #28 from JoeUser Forums Top
On wandering the desert for 40 years:
Moses... Typical Man
Refuses to ask for directions for 40 years

On everyone being descendents of Adam & Eve:
Word of God: Incest IS Best
West Virginia Rejoices

On the crucifixion:
Carpenter's Son Gets Nailed

On Christ' return 3 days after death
Disciples See Dead Leader, Claim End of the World is Near
A young Marvin Cooley seen on corner with "END TIMES" Sign
Reply #29 from JoeUser Forums Top

Reply #28 By: Zoomba - 1/18/2005 2:27:39 PM


OMG!  Stop! Stop!  My Sides are aching!


No, more more!  These are great!


Reply #30 from JoeUser Forums Top
On Jesus turning water to wine
Local Vinyards Cry Foul Over Unfair Competition
Weekly AA Meeting Strangly Empty

Sodom & Gamora Demolished
Planning Begins for Las Vegas

On the Ark of the Covenant:
God In A Box!
Infinite Cosmic Power! Itty Bitty Living Space

On Moses on the Mount:
Lost Leader Climbs Mountain, Talks to Flaming Shrub, Comes Back Stoned

On Jesus' Treatment at the hand of the Romans (I'm sorry, I just can't resist this one)
Prisoner Tortured By Guards
Roman supporters discount as liberal propeganda... The Gauls surrenders just to be safe
Reply #31 from JoeUser Forums Top
On Lazurus being raised from the dead....

Undertakers suspect foul play...threaten strike
Reply #32 from JoeUser Forums Top

Reply #31 By: Manopeace - 1/18/2005 3:15:12 PM
Reply #30 By: Zoomba - 1/18/2005 3:05:02 PM


Zoomba,. you should have written a whole list yourself!  OMG! ROFL!


Mano, is that the Local 666 Undertakers Guild? 

Reply #33 from JoeUser Forums Top
Mano, is that the Local 666 Undertakers Guild?


No...that local deals only with British nobility.
Reply #34 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm bored at work so I've been typing these as they came to mind. I should compile these all into my own list and see what else I can do with it

Sure beats doing application design
Reply #35 from JoeUser Forums Top

I'm bored at work so I've been typing these as they came to mind. I should compile these all into my own list and see what else I can do with it

Sure beats doing application design


If you do, please post a link here so I can find it quick!


Just got another one from a friend:


Or everyone being decendents of Adam and Eve


"World Gene Pool needs a New Filter"
Reply #36 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think I've got a good idea on how to expand this whole thing... we've got the headlines, but lack the articles. How would the stories of the bible sound if they were written by the sensationalist journalists of today? How would the whole thing read if it was as a serial set for a saturday newspaper? Hrrm... I may have to play with this some.
Reply #37 from JoeUser Forums Top
oh my God I am so glad I revisited this post.... I almost peed myself from laughter..

speaking of laughter ... comiedian forces man to laugh to much causeing rupture, man sues for cruel and unusual punishment
Reply #38 from JoeUser Forums Top
speaking of laughter ... comiedian forces man to laugh to much causeing rupture, man sues for cruel and unusual punishment


That kind of reminds me of me when I worked in the ambulance. Nothing was more fun than getting a patient with belly pain to laugh!!! ;~D

((((As long as the patient was not critical of course. I may be a bit twisted, but a sadist I am not! ;~D))))
Reply #39 from JoeUser Forums Top

I think I've got a good idea on how to expand this whole thing... we've got the headlines, but lack the articles. How would the stories of the bible sound if they were written by the sensationalist journalists of today? How would the whole thing read if it was as a serial set for a saturday newspaper? Hrrm... I may have to play with this some.

I want to read that!  Good luck.  I will be looking for it!

Reply #40 from JoeUser Forums Top
please write so a 71 yr. old and not with it will understand. this new termenolgy is beond my vocab and no dictionary to look it up. it reminds me of a 3yr harvard student with his nose in the air and his ass so far behind him he can't be noticed
Reply #41 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh i love them headlines!!!! And Zoomba, please, please, please DO write the articles, i cant wait!!!!