You only made me that much stronger.

It doesn't hurt.

from JoeUser Forums
Well… this wasn’t too bad. I don’t hurt, I’m not crying… So I think I am going to be ok.

When the man of my dreams broke up with me, it wasn’t that bad. I cried for a couple hours… but that was it. There was no after shock past that. This sounds crazy but…

I feel beautiful.

I don’t feel worthless like I did a year ago… I feel so beautiful.

I feel free. I mean… I miss him, but I’m not going to sit there and wait for him if he doesn’t love me. If he lost all feelings for me within one night, then I can do the same thing. I only love people who love me.

I don’t feel like I should be compared to anyone else anymore… I’m me! I am Samantha. The girl with dark hair and deep brown eyes. The girl with the light birthmark on her stomach, stubborn mind, and loving heart. The girl who dares to do anything, the girl who’s favorite animal is snakes, the girl who has a very bad temper. I am Samantha… the girl, who wanted to be an astronaut in the 4th grade, wanted to be a medieval princess (and still does to this day), and did yoga and meditation when she was 10. The same girl who’s favorite color is yellow, loves to dance in the rain, and is afraid of the dark. I am me…

Don’t conform to what you want someone else to think you are. Be yourself… I guess that has been my biggest mistake so far…

You have never seen the real me, but be prepared… she’s back. And she is out there seeking revenge on the person who made her conform into someone she’s not… Just kidding! I am tired of being known as “Alex’s girlfriend”, and “that girl” (By my own classmates!)… I have a name, and it’s Samantha.

And I have now learned that I have no one to trust but me, myself, and I. Because it seems that everyone else just lies and uses me. So be prepared guys, I’m not coming into the new year as the same old “Sam” that everyone thinks they know.

Well, I finally decided to drop my old favorite song “Fight the Tides” with this… “I Need a Hero”



Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Lager than life

Doo doo doo doooo
Doo doo doo doooo
Doo doo doo doooo
Aaahhh
Aaahhh

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me

Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear there’s someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like a fire in my blood

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘till the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ‘till the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life


I love it!

I know he is out there. I don’t know who or where he is, maybe it is Alex… and he just needed time to organize himself… who knows… I don’t.

Well, I need a hero… but I’m not going to hide behind him in his shadows waiting for him to protect me. I am going to be right next to him, holding his hand, and we will fight our fights together. And we will be able to get over any obstacle that we face…

Love forgives…

Yours truly,
~Sam
misc
4,207 views 8 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I like hero songs... hero songs are nice. I like heros. I want to be one when I grow up.

Capt. over and out!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
i like that song, i'll be your hero sam! you were mine, you held me when i cried so hard. Sam, i think its amazing how your handling this. I could not be as strong as you. Youre a loving person, whose helped me more than you know. I just wanted to tell you that, it's been a while since me mini mental breakdown, but you were there for me and i thank you for that. I am always here if you need me.
Star Control: Origins
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm sorry that I'm not what you wanted. I never intended to change you. I don't think I did, but if you think I did, I'm sorry.

You say that love forgives... but love also is not angry. Love doesn't accuse me of never loving you in the first place.

I made you feel worthless? I made you hurt? I made you conform to something you didn't want to be? I used you?

If I used you, what did I use you for? And if you only trust yourself, then what happens when you need someone to trust, and there isn't anyone there?

You say you won't love someone who doesn't love you. What happens if that person does love you, but you are too stubborn to see it?

See how many more pieces my heart will break into.

Alex
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sam? I don't know what to say. Alex? Same for you. I just don't feel too comfortable reading this on JU. How about you?

Capt. over and out!
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
It sounds like you both need a hug.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
What the fuck?....Goddamn power outage and the phone lines down make me miss every damn thing.....ok, I'm catching up at least....I think I need to get back in school to understand all this....ugh, so much goes down when I don't check in....Well, I guess I'll figure this out later....see ya on MSN, guys.

~Zoo
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Alex,

You think you are the only person that is hurt? I am trying to stand tall and proud, and it's hard. Have you ever been rejected? Do you know how it feels to have someone you love turn away from you and give up on you because you're not perfect and you made a mistake? I have.... twice. Both around Christmas time ironically.

How about the time at that football game where you grabbed my arm and yelled in my face when you were angry with someone else.... Did you know that you broke my heart? Did you know that that made me feel worthless? Or does it even matter that i forgave you for that after you apologized.
I wrote you an email about something i was extremely upset about... you took it that i was angry when i was really crying and you automatically lose all feelings for me overnight.

Obviously, i only have one person to trust... and that's me Alex. I trusted you, but you accused me by saying i didn't. I have told you everything about me. But hey, what can you do?

Alex.... why is your heart broken? You weren't rejected. You didnt have me call you and say it's over. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED!!! You didnt want me to stand next to you and be there.... so there you go, you got it. No matter how many times i apologized, you wouldn't accept it. No matter how hard i pleaded with you over the phone, you said that it was your final decision to let me go. Well... what are you so upset about? That's what you wanted....

You made the decision to let a 7 month relationship go in a matter of 3 days. It really seems like you put a lot of thought into that.

Well, here's the answers to your questions:

1. How many tears to I have to cry? ---> You should cry as many tears as I have.
2. How many pieces do you want my heart to break into? --->Your heart should break into as many pieces as mine has.
3. Did you ever really love me, or did you just pretend to? --->I loved you with all my living soul and I never once doubted that.

My question for you:

Did YOU ever really love me, or did you just pretend to?

Because if you did really "love" me as you say you did... then why couldn't you forgive me?


You're right.... what if someone loves you, and you're just to stubborn to see it? Are you my hero Alex? Or are you just one person in a sea of a million faces......

Yours truly,
Sam
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think his heart is broken b/c he had the hard choice of letting something go that he loved. That is really hard for people to do. And it's harder for some than it is others. Maybe it's not what he wanted. Maybe it's what he thinks is best. Have you asked him that? I'm not yelling at you or anything of that sort Sam. I'm just trying to help by getting somethings solved. I love you both and don't want to see either of you hurting. Because believe it or not, when I see you two hurting, it hurts me. I dont' want that for you or me. I would suggest maybe not pressuring him as much Sam. Not that you have to listen to me, but I'm just suggesting. And some people have a thing with trust issues. Some people can forgive once or twice and then that's it for them. I mean I'm completely different than that though. I'm willing to forgive anyone for basically anything, unless of course I was cheated on. But this isn't about me now. All people are different. We all have diff. trust limits. We're all different for a reason. god wants us to be different. So maybe it was best this way. Personally it's no use crying over spilled milk. Ok, that makes me sound like such a hypocrite(sp?). I know I cry over silly things, but I think I need to star taking my own advice. Trust me, it was so hard for me when Alex broke up with me. I really tried not to cry. I did at first. But I guess then, I really didn't show how I felt about him breaking up with me. My point is, that people are certain ways they feel about things. I hope this helps.

I love you guys! No more sorrow, and hurting hearts.

~carebear~