Confessions of a Christmas B***h
Marriages can last for years, but divorces are forever
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I have to admit that i was less than sweet, even a little obnoxious to the ex this Christmas. He had swapped days around Christmas, so he could take our daughter on a trip. The trip never materialized, and he refused to unswap or make other arrangements. This meant that Sunday after Christmas, he had her all day, and I didn't get her til Monday. So, i have to work M-F 8-5. This means Christmas is Monday night, shorter time spent opening presents, and that sort of thing. He knows all this tho. He knew it at the time we arranged the swap.
I had asked him previously to swap days back and pick a different weekend, and he said no. Well i called on Christmas day and made a big deal about it. Ruining his Christmas somewhat, and further upsetting my own self too. I was pretty upset already, but it did add flames to the fire. It was probably counter productive, but if he is going to be a jerk, i will reflect that back to him.
Mr. Good dad used his daughter as a shield by putting our daughter on the phone (she is 8) while these "discussions" were going on. He wasn't protective enough to keep her from any unpleasantness (which is what i would have tried to do). Then, between calls, his wife (my former best friend) threatened to my daughter to have me thrown in jail. Nice. So now she is worried i'll be going to jail for me offering to come pick her up. Sweet.
I have to say thru all the unpleasantness and cruelty that he has dished out, i have finally come to the conclusion that it is pointless to be anything other than distantly neutral to him, and that there is no good result in having any consideration for him. He is very good at interpreting everything that i do in the most negative of ways. So why bother to even attempt to be nice. It never pays off and is just a frustrating waste of time. I will always be painted with a black brush, therefore, i try to govern my own behavior and actions on what is best for me and my sweet daughter, with exactly zero thought to how it may affect him.
What i did this Christmas wasn't best for her, because of what he did, putting her on the phone, and his spouse did threatening me. That was upsetting to her. Could i have predicted such bad parenting on their part? Maybe.
Was it best for me? It certainly did upset me, but i did gain some satisfaction from being a jerk back to a jerk. It would have to be a mixed result on that. After getting over the initial pain, there is a good deal of satisfaction in feeling that I caused him some discomfort.
Long-term will there be any negative repercussions? He is always most uncooperative about switching days, so that won't change any. The answering machine tape may be used as a threat for a court appearance. Actually, that would be a good thing tho, since it shows very poor parenting on his part, and will likely backfire on him. Any grown man who uses a child as a protector can't be a very good parent. And a man who lets the mother of his child be threatened with jail is also a bad father.
Really, it doesn't seem like being a jerk to him can make it any worse than it already is. Being nice to him certainly made no difference. Probably the best choice is to do what is best for my own personal growth and life.
This brings us to the uncomfortable situation of looking at what would have been the right thing to do. Take no for an answer politely. Wish them a Merry Christmas. Forgive him his trespass. And then go on to be as happy as possible under the circumstances.
Bah humbug!
I had asked him previously to swap days back and pick a different weekend, and he said no. Well i called on Christmas day and made a big deal about it. Ruining his Christmas somewhat, and further upsetting my own self too. I was pretty upset already, but it did add flames to the fire. It was probably counter productive, but if he is going to be a jerk, i will reflect that back to him.
Mr. Good dad used his daughter as a shield by putting our daughter on the phone (she is 8) while these "discussions" were going on. He wasn't protective enough to keep her from any unpleasantness (which is what i would have tried to do). Then, between calls, his wife (my former best friend) threatened to my daughter to have me thrown in jail. Nice. So now she is worried i'll be going to jail for me offering to come pick her up. Sweet.
I have to say thru all the unpleasantness and cruelty that he has dished out, i have finally come to the conclusion that it is pointless to be anything other than distantly neutral to him, and that there is no good result in having any consideration for him. He is very good at interpreting everything that i do in the most negative of ways. So why bother to even attempt to be nice. It never pays off and is just a frustrating waste of time. I will always be painted with a black brush, therefore, i try to govern my own behavior and actions on what is best for me and my sweet daughter, with exactly zero thought to how it may affect him.
What i did this Christmas wasn't best for her, because of what he did, putting her on the phone, and his spouse did threatening me. That was upsetting to her. Could i have predicted such bad parenting on their part? Maybe.
Was it best for me? It certainly did upset me, but i did gain some satisfaction from being a jerk back to a jerk. It would have to be a mixed result on that. After getting over the initial pain, there is a good deal of satisfaction in feeling that I caused him some discomfort.
Long-term will there be any negative repercussions? He is always most uncooperative about switching days, so that won't change any. The answering machine tape may be used as a threat for a court appearance. Actually, that would be a good thing tho, since it shows very poor parenting on his part, and will likely backfire on him. Any grown man who uses a child as a protector can't be a very good parent. And a man who lets the mother of his child be threatened with jail is also a bad father.
Really, it doesn't seem like being a jerk to him can make it any worse than it already is. Being nice to him certainly made no difference. Probably the best choice is to do what is best for my own personal growth and life.
This brings us to the uncomfortable situation of looking at what would have been the right thing to do. Take no for an answer politely. Wish them a Merry Christmas. Forgive him his trespass. And then go on to be as happy as possible under the circumstances.
Bah humbug!