IE

I'm empty

from JoeUser Forums
       It's been a few days since I've written anything. I tried Anarchy Online for a day or two, it was so so. iamheather joined me for a little while but then turned that around and set me up with a Star Wars Galaxies account. So I've been playing that with her and d3adz0mbie. So far it's a nice game, but it has it's frustrating parts as well. And it keeps me busy and distracted from blogging, bad game. But this isn't a blog about games.
       I'm lonely. I want someone to talk to and be close with that I can call a friend. But at the same time, I feel that other people have better ways to spend their time then with me. I'm afraid to pester them. So instead I sit here frazzled and torn up inside.
       I want to help others but I don't want help in return, yet I need help. It's no ones job but my own to take care of me, yet I look for others to support me. I don't know what I'm saying but I'm using words anyways. I want my life to end, yet I know I won't kill myself. I don't want your kind words or sweet nothings, but I write this where it will be read and those are what I will receive. I want a hug but those within reach I despise. I'm tired but I can't sleep.
       I'm so desperate, so needy, I hate myself, yet I crawl into a corner instead of dealing with things. I can't say what I really feel because it wouldn't make it out. I want my life back, but...

       ...I'm empty inside
blogging
2,658 views 9 replies
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
The painful honesty in your post is what struck me the most. Realizing that, on the one hand, you don't want they sympathy and nice words, yet still put this out here, knowing they will come, seems a pretty mature thing to me. I understand the feeling. I tend to try to help those around me, but refuse to show any sign that I need help as well.

This too shall pass. I haven't had time to get on IM lately, but feel free to email me anytime (you have my Yahoo and MSN mails, you can get to my Gmail through my blog in the Contact Me link). I will most certainly answer those.
Sins of a Solar Empire II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

Danny....you know what I think.

You also know that I'm here for you, regardless, that I don't consider you a burden, and that I don't have better things to do with my time.

Talk to you soon....

 

Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey Danny,

The offers still there if you want to talk...email me and I'll let you know my msn name... [email protected]

Hope to hear from you
Take care
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny you can e-mail me too...or not; as you wish. I appreciate the honesty in your posts. I've always been afraid to say what I really feel, and then my blogs end up like little news reports, devoid of emotion. At least you don't cover it up. [email protected]
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Manopeace: Sent you an email, got a reply, adding you to messenger.
BlueDev: It's not about being mature. I think that getting my thoughts and feelings out is good for me. It's usually a struggle to do so. And I thought about not allowing comments, but then someone might go and write a response on their blog. The last thing I want is to draw attention to my problems. Yet I still posted it all the same, I must be crazy or something.
dharmagrl: No, I don't know what you think. I don't know what anyone thinks, including myself. This article was inspired by my inability to communicate with four people yesterday. You were one of them. Not that I had anything to say, not that I hold it against you, not that you should talk to me to the exclusion of all else. You have your own life to live and it can't and shouldn't revolve around me. I hope that makes sense...
Lengirl: Thanks, I'll send you an email for that screenname. And on that note, why do peoople freely give out email addresses but not screennames? Seems a bit odd to me.
Cordelia: I am a coward, and that includes being afraid to say what I'm feeling. Fear controls enough of my life, I need to overcome it someplace, here is as good a place as any.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Danny,

I am here for you. I am sorry you feel this way. If you need to talk, you know how to reach me, by email, phone, IM, etc. If you want, call collect. I am your friend that you can "talk to and be close with."

Heather

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
iamheather: Thanks, I'm talking to you now actually
So I just had the thought, this is the first christmas in four years that I've really been interacting with other people, even if it is online here instead of in real life. And I think that combines with my general unhappiness around this time of year has me extra frazzled. Or not, I don't know...