If we all lived on Mars, we would all be racing to get to Earth.

Thanks for the great cackle, Aussie007, I read the first joke and went on to near piss myself laughing at several others.  I particularly love the one about the prosecution lawyer asking an old lady if she knew him, then the defense lawyer.... and what the judge said to them both.  Hilarious!

Here is a imaginary representation of a bit coin.

How much memory space does the entire bit coin block chain take up?

Hopefully before using it as "My Piss Pot".

St. Peter is at the Golden Gate, when three men approach.  He welcomes them in and then asks each of them how they died.  The first tells him that he suspected his wife was cheating on him, so he decided to go home at noon and see what he could find.  He lived in a high rise on the 68th floor, and when he got there, he found that the elevator was out of order.  So, he ran up 68 flights of stairs and burst into his apartment, only to fine that his wife was in a sexy night gown, and in bed.  He noticed that the window to the fire escape was open and when he looked out, he saw a man climbing down.  He was so angry, he pushed the refrigerator through the window and it fell on the man climbing down the fire escape.  From climbing up all those stairs, and getting so angry, he had a heart attack and died on the spot.  St. Peter asked the second man how he died.  He told St. Peter that he lived on the 60th floor of a high rise, and the elevator was out, so he decided to use the fire escape as it went directly into the parking lot below.  All of a sudden, a refrigerator came crashing down on him and killed him instantly.  St. Peter turned to the 3rd man and asked him how he died.  He looked at St. Peter with a blank stare on his face and said. "I have no idea, I have no idea at all.  It is a puzzlement to me.  There I was; sitting in this refrigerator, minding my own dammn business......"

So they give you an IQ test, they come back after the test with the results.

They give you your score and tell you that you are a genius.

If you believe them are you a genius?

Joe Biden announces that he's giving out a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who gets a COVID vaccine.

Not to be outdone, President Obrador of Mexico announces he's giving out a free bottle of Corona to everyone who gets the vaccine.

Prime Minister Martin of Ireland then announces that he'll give away a free bottle of water to anyone who vets the vaccine.

Joe calls him up and says "Hey, why are you only giving away water, why not Guinness?"

The Prime Minister responds, "If you're not giving away real beer why should I?"

And then there was the man who had gotten himself a really great tan from sunbaking but noticed that the only part of him that wasn't tanned was his Long John Tiddlywacker. 

Thing was, he didn't want the rest of him to get any darker so he went down to the beach and buried everything but his untanned manhood in the sand.

A few moments later a couple of old spinsters walking along the beach noticed his tockley sticking out of the sand and one says to the other: "Well I'll be, I was never really interested that part of a man's anatomy when I was a young woman, and now that I am interested but truly past it, there's one growing in the wild."

An old bloke in his late 80's rocks up at his doctors and said that his wife had sent him because she reckoned he was losing his faculties.  The doctor asked: "What do you mean, losing your faculties?"

"Well," he said: "I asked her for sex after lunch today and she gruffly replied, don't be so greedy, you've already had it three times this morning."

Speaking of golf, Sir Winston Churchill reckoned that 18 holes of golf ruined a good walk, but that didn't deter the young blonde woman who was desperate to play a round with other people instead of alone.  She approached three men at the 1st hole and asked if she could join them.  The bloke who seemed to be the more senior of the three said that they each had handicaps and that it wouldn't be fair because she appeared to be unencumbered.

"What do you men, handicaps? she asked.

"Well," said the more senior bloke: "I have a wooden leg."

"Ha!" she replied. "I don't believe you."

With that he rolled up his trouser leg and screwed off his wooden leg.  Okay, then, what about you" she asked of the second man: "Well I have a wooden arm."

Again she didn't believe it until he rolled up his sleeve and screwed his arm off.  She then asked the younger of the three men what his handicap was: "Me," he quipped: "I have a wooden heart."

"Look," she angrily protested: "I may be blonde but don't expect me to swallow that one."

"I can prove it to you," he says and took her behind the bushes to show her.  About 40 minutes had passed and the other two men were wondering what was taking so long. Anyway, they peeled back the bushes and sure enough, there he was... screwing his heart out.

And BTW, old golfers never die, the just lose their balls.