Let me begin by saying that I admire all things British.

I love your music- The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, The Who, et al.

Your literature, from Charles Dickens and Jonathan Swift to Michael Moorcock and Neil Gaiman.

Your humour (note the "u" spelling, trying for a little local colour as it were) from Peter Sellers and the "Goon Show" to "Monty Python." I even liked the late Benny Hill.

Your cooking-- well, perhaps not ALL things British. But you do make good cheeses.

But you really must stop making up place names to confuse and befuddle us Americans. I see that the British Open is scheduled to take place at "Muirfield, home of the Honorable Company of Edinburgh Golfers, on the Southern Shore of the Firth of Forth." Oh come on now! There isn't really a place called the Firth of Forth! You just made that up so that Tiger Woods won't be able to be able to find it! Some taxi driver will laughingly say "Right-o, guv'nor, off to the Firth of Forth" and then drive him around in circles until they run out of petrol.

Next thing, you will ask us to believe that there is a place called Milton Keynes!

Now, I live in Michigan, whose name is derived from the Native American phrase meaning "Road under construction, expect delays." We have some odd names here as well. Hell, yes we do! (Referring to Hell, Michigan of course. People stop into the post office there just to send a letter from Hell. Very popular at tax season.)

I have lived in New York State, the home state of Quogue and Chautauqua, and New Jersey, home of Hopatcong and Netcong (sound like Dot.coms not towns) and of course Bogata. (If some asked where Bogata is, how many of you would say Jersey? So I recognize that region has some odd-named towns.

But there is no Firth of Forth! (Is there?)

Got to go now, off to Ypsilanti.