I AM Complaing... So What!!!

from WinCustomize Forums

Damned TP manufacturers!!!

Not only have the bastards cut rolls from 240 to 160 sheets over the years, they're getting very slack when it comes to the perforations.

I mean dontcha just hate it where you reel off to the nearest perforation as to what's needed, and it tears off halfway up the next sheet.

So, not only are they short-sheeting us, we're not getting as many wipes per 160 sheet roll because we're left with too many half sheets that aren't big enough because the perforations don't f**king work.

I wrote to my local member of parliament about it... bastard!  Like he cares!  Didn't get an acknowledgement, even, that he'd received my letter.  Bastard!

I even went to the post office to see if they were holding it there for me... NOPE, not a cracker.

The postmistress asked if I had addressed my letter correctly.  

"Nah, fuck that!  I told her: "I just wrote "Bastard, Brassall' on the envelope and bunged it in the postbox."

"So," she asked: "you didn't even put a stamp on it?"

"Nah, Fuck that," I said: "I just wrote Bastard, Brassall, the postman knows who that is, and the local member for Brassall gets it."

The postmistress then advised that I might try using a stamp nest time.  Yeah, well I told her what I thought of that idea, that I was tired of wasting envelopes and I was going 'round there to give him a piece of my mind.

She said that I probably didn't have much to spare, but I didn't let that deter me... though next time I will go round during office hours.

Anyhow, so that I'm not fighting this rather serious issue alone, I want you all to go 'round to your local government officials and demand that they take action against manufacturers who do not properly perforate toilet rolls; it won't take up much of your time and you'll be doing a community service.

:-"

Oh, and did I ever tell you I hate bankers? :w00t:

8,023 views 30 replies
Reply #1 from WinCustomize Forums Top

hahaha omg too funny!!!! your such a classic starkers....... ^_^

Reply #2 from WinCustomize Forums Top

I mean dontcha just hate it where you reel off to the nearest perforation
End of quote

Even better with paper towels.  Reach up to rip one of those suckers off and the next thing you know half a roll is spewing in the air across the kitchen.  I think that's where that ribbon dancing Olympic event came from, at least that's about what I look like trying to reel it all back in. :smitten:

Multiplicity - Control multiple PCs using one keyboard and mouse
Reply #3 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting Vampothika, reply 1
hahaha omg too funny!!!! your such a classic starkers.......
End of Vampothika's quote

And I know I'll always have a fan in you, Kitty, cos you're just the sweetest and... and.... and....

Maybe I oughta stop there.... don't want Andrew thinking I'm trying to coax you back to Oz, and have him have Mr. Chow come sort me out, do we.

Not that I'm scared of Mr. Chow or anything, but I'd rather not get into an altercation with somebody whose name sounds like they know martial arts.  I know a few marital arts, but I don't think they'd fend off anyone who knows Kung Fu, I don't think.

Anyhow, Andy, just so we're clear here, I'm not trying to lure your lovely lady back to Oz, so just let Mr. Chow know that...OK?  I mean, I don't want him turning up here with Kung Fu kicks and chops, and all I've got to defend myself is a few marital aids without batteries.  Just think, it'd be on your conscience if you didn't tell him and I ended up with various injuries because I can't afford Energizers.

Yeah, if I could afford those he'd meet his match... not to mention a blow-up lady with battery powered parts that'd render him completely and totally ineffective.  I had considered plugging her into the mains instead, but last time I did that the smell of artificial pubic hair burning stayed with me for weeks.

Anyhow, this does not solve the problem of less than satisfactory perforations or politicians who, for reasons of their own, just don't give a shit.  It shouldn't matter if you write and neglect to affix a postage stamp, they should just fucking care.  Maybe they're privileged and still get to use the 240 sheet rolls, which is probably why I never heard back from that bastard member for Brassall. Nah, he doesn't want me turning up at his place to use the fucking bog, does he?  No, cos I'd find out out he still has 240 sheet rolls... cos yeah, if he'd answered, and ya know how pollies like all that letterhead stuff, I'd have gotten/known his address

Reply #4 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 3
don't give a shit
End of starkers's quote

Then he should stop eating peanut butter I guess. Either that or use the re-usable type TP. It only get brown on one side at a time anyway.

Reply #5 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Starkers, you really need to do a better job of picking your battles..and TP. :-"

They still sell 1000 sheet rolls if you want them...of course they are 1 ply and so thin your fingers break through. There's a few other brands that has 1000 sheets that's a bit thicker, although they use a cheap paper processing method that doesn't remove the splinters. o_O

Be sure to let us know how those work for you...on second thought, you might want to keep that to yourself.  8O

Myself, I'll stick with my 209 sheet rolls of Charmin Plus with Aloe.

Reply #6 from WinCustomize Forums Top

I think the good Cap'n has a few too many sheets in the wind sometimes, perforated or not. ;)

Reply #7 from WinCustomize Forums Top

*complaining

*next

:typo:

 

On the other hand, 'sheeting' is a good word for you to use ;p

Reply #8 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Sorry, Dave, but by the time I had responded to kitty's post I was beat... too tired to think..... anyway.

Quoting DaveRI, reply 2
Even better with paper towels.
End of DaveRI's quote

Um, don't you mean 'worse'?

Anyhow, don't get me started on paper towels.... like don't you think I have enough worries with toilet paper manufacturers already?

Hang on a minute, tho, paper towel manufacturers... toilet paper manufacturers... could they be on in the same... bastards to the enth degree because they have not only short-sheeted us but have let quality control slip to the point that perforations will soon become a thing of the past.

Quoting DaveRI, reply 2
Reach up to rip one of those suckers off and the next thing you know half a roll is spewing in the air across the kitchen. I think that's where that ribbon dancing Olympic event came from
End of DaveRI's quote

Now Dave, with all your paper towel training, and I'm sure you're quite proficient by now, have you ever considered trying out for the Olympic team?  Yeah, I know, you don't think ribbon twirling is the sport for you, but think about it.  Not only do you get to travel all over the world to compete in various competitions, team management pays for your skin-tight leotards and tutu thingies, so it costs you little or nothing and you'd look good in them as well. :w00t:

Quoting Uvah, reply 4
It only gets brown on one side at a time anyway.
End of Uvah's quote

Yeah, I know that' Uvah, but the trouble in reusing it is waiting for the used side to dry... so you don't get sticky fingers.  I had thought about hanging it in the sun on the washing line, but I wouldn't want my neighbours knowing I'm such a tight arse... or if they're such tight arses themselves, stealing it off the line before I can pick it in when its dry.  And NO, the clothes dryer is NOT an option.  Suggest it and you'll have mrs s to deal with.

:-" :w00t:

 

Reply #9 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 8
Um, don't you mean 'worse'?
End of starkers's quote

Well it's certainly more amusing, especially for anyone who happens to be watching. :moon:

Quoting starkers, reply 8
have you ever considered trying out for the Olympic team?
End of starkers's quote

They don't think too much of my "big finish" effect - a stylish mummified walrus attempting to stand on its tail.

Reply #10 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting CarGuy1, reply 5
Starkers, you really need to do a better job of picking your battles..and TP.
End of CarGuy1's quote

Pick my battles better?  Why?  Don't the TP manufacturers deserve some grief for short-sheeting billions of customers to turn a quick buck?  And don't TP manufacturers [paper towel manufacturers as well... thanks, Dave] deserve getting some grief for letting quality control fall below an acceptable level, where perforations are practically non-existent and costing us more money as a result? 

Yeah, I suppose I could speak up against bankers, but with the 'Occupy' folk all 'round the world protesting, what would that achieve?  They're shouting long and hard and I'm not likely to be heard, so I may as well attack somebody else [other than Google] who deserves it.  I did read, however, that 'Occupy' protesters in NY are getting free HIV testing because they've been 'active' with various strangers.  Not that I'm worried about HIV or any other STD's, but it'd be a free blood test that'd give me a heads up with cholesterol and diabetes, etc... things I should be concerned about, I guess.  So long as they don't use it to prove yet another unaffordable paternity, I don't mind.

I did consider joining the 'Occupy' protesters in downtown Brisbane, cos I sure love to have a good bitch about shit, but I was dissuaded by the fact that I have piles and didn't want to camp out on a cold hard pavement outside the banking sector.  More to the point, if I got caught short and really needed to go, the banks have far worse toilet paper than I have here at home.  Yeah, I know, the bank executives have plush toilet paper and oodles of it, but can you honestly see one of those bastards giving me the key to the executive bathroom after all the bad-mouthing of bankers I've done over the years?

Quoting CarGuy1, reply 5
They still sell 1000 sheet rolls if you want them..
End of CarGuy1's quote

WhereTF do you get those?  I haven't seen anything above 500 sheets here in Oz... and yeah, it's that single ply shit, which means, if you don't fold it into multiple layers [which defeats the pupose of trying to save money] your finger ends up in the.... yeah [no need for graphicz]

Quoting Wizard1956, reply 6
There's a few other brands that has 1000 sheets that's a bit thicker, although they use a cheap paper processing method that doesn't remove the splinters.
End of Wizard1956's quote

Okay, so I don't wanna know where you can get those... but while I'm at it....targeting TP manufacturers, I might as well have their business addresses so's I can start the grief process for them as well.

Quoting CarGuy1, reply 5
Myself, I'll stick with my 209 sheet rolls of Charmin Plus with Aloe.
End of CarGuy1's quote

Yeah, that'd be right... live in the lap of luxury while we peasants struggle with short-sheeting, irregular perforations and [as I've recently learned] splinters.  If it weren't for the fact your nick is CarGuy, with the emphasis on Car, I'd swear you were an effing banker, here just to rub our noses in it.  However, while we're on the subject of your Charmin Plus WITH Aloe, does the aloe help soothe haemorrhoids, or is that a fallacy?  Just curious!

 

 

Reply #11 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting Wizard1956, reply 6
I think the good Cap'n has a few too many sheets in the wind sometimes, perforated or not.
End of Wizard1956's quote

Not fer much longer!  If them thar blaggard Somali pirates can 'ave motorised vessels, then so can I.   Us'll keep tha sails fer show, but below decks us'll 'ave us a strong, reliable diesel engine fer when tha wind won't blow... an' thar be no Carter tha Farter aboard ta start 'er.

Quoting Fuzzy, reply 7
*complaining

*next
End of Fuzzy's quote

Oi!!!  What's your game, then, trivialising what are obviously serious concerns?  You may have been spoilt rotten by UK toilet paper manufacturers who aren't as cheapskate and greedy as their Aus counterparts, but there's no need to scoff at our dilemma like it doesn't matter.  Did I scoff when you complained the Maggie Thatcher invaded the Falklands and didn't save you a piece for you overseas holiday home?  No!!  Did I scoff when you complained that the price of Persian rugs went up because Tony Blair joined GWB in the Gulf?  No, I f**in' didn't.

So next time I see you on here complaining about British politicians/politics I'm gonna put this :typo: up and scoff.  What's more, if I see you on here complaining that, what's-is-name, David Cameron, has put up the Poll Tax only for pointy eared people, I'm gonna laugh and, in effect, say: "Suck it up princess."

Oh, and I just spotted this....

Quoting DaveRI, reply 9
Quoting starkers,
reply 8
have you ever considered trying out for the Olympic team?

They don't think too much of my "big finish" effect - a stylish mummified walrus attempting to stand on its tail.
End of DaveRI's quote

Dave, are you trying to say that your ass would look fat in those leotards?  :w00t:

Reply #12 from WinCustomize Forums Top

It's the darned leotards, it ain't my ass!  It's the leotards I tell you... ;)

Reply #13 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Poll Tax went out with Maggie Thatcher. Do you mean Council Tax?

Why are you complaining about toilet paper anyway? It's a well known fact you can be in parts of Australia and there won't be a toilet for 1,000 miles in any direction.

Use eucalyptus leaves like the aborigines do...

Reply #14 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting DaveRI, reply 12
It's the darned leotards, it ain't my ass! It's the leotards I tell you..
End of DaveRI's quote

Dave, how did I know you were going to say that?

I can't quite turn my head to see these days, bad neck won't let me... but if I look at the rear shot in the mirror I can see quite clearly why I DON'T wear anything as tight as leotards.  Don't tell anyone, like let this be our little... er, big secret, but that's the reason I don't fly to Tassie with mrs s...  can't afford to cos the airline wants to charge me for 2 seats.  Bastards!!!  Yeah, I saw in the mirror, but it ain't that f**king big.  Truly, I can still squeeze into one seat without bending the armrests back... honestly I can.

Actually, once I'm done with the paper products people, I might start on the f**kin' airlines... for all the shitty stuff they do to folk.  For example, Qantas [like it needs any more bad rep right now] threw a passenger off for smoking in one of the onboard toilets.  He was apparently told that he broke the rules and would have to walk the rest of the way.  Yeah, right!  Like how was he gonna manage that with 20kgs of luggage?

The other place this is beginning to happen is suburban public transport... charging big bottomed patrons double, whether or not they take up two seats.  It was only the other day when the guy at the railway ticketing office tried to charge me for 2 seats.  I said: "What?  You gotta be kidding me, surely?"

He responded: "Well sir, you are a little rotund, don't you think, and your occupying second seat may deprive another passenger of it."

"What a smart ass," I thought: "Rotund?"  So I gave him a piece of my mind [which had to be done sparingly.. given I'd already given a piece to Bastard at Brassall] and I told this ticketing imbecile in no uncertain terms that I was merely a little portly, that he was trying to rip me off and I was going to the Transportation Ombudsman with his name and badge number to complain. 

That unsettled him some, but more to the point, I asked: "And what about all those times when I was skinny and had to stand for entire journies, because there were no available seats?  Do I get a f**king refund for all those times I paid for as seat that, through no fault of my own, I couldn't f**king use?"  First you call me a fat arse, then you try to overcharge me, and now you're trying to tell me that I get no freaking refund because some fat arsed bastard occupied MY seat, paid only for one, and forced me to stand?  I WANT TO SEE YOU F**KING BOSS... RIGHT FUCKING NOW."

Well that did the trick!  I frightened the crap out the poor, petrified bastard, and I got my 'one seat' fare.  Threatening him with the ombudsman almost clinched it, but demanding to see his boss tipped it entirely in my favour.... being his boss happened to me his mother-in-law.  So yeah, I guess it pays to stand up for your rights.  Thing is J-Lo and Beyonce have big arses... but you never hear of them being charged for 2 seats.  Admittedly, their arses are probably sexier than mine, but that's not the point, is it!

Reply #15 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Yup, I'm complaining again!  Tea bag manufacturers this time.  Bastards!!!!

I usually but Tetleys but I saw these new fangled round ones that are supposed to diffuse the tea better.  Bollocks!!!!

Well, yeah, they do.  1 out of 3 bags isn't sealed properly all the way 'round and you end up with a mile of fucking tea leaves floating throughout the cuppa.

Now it's not just the cost of the tea bag, either.  There's the cost of boiling the kettle, a spoonful of sugar [a sweetener in my case] and a dash of milk...

More to the point, one could fucking choke on a friggin' tea leaf.  I mean, you're not expecting lumpy bits in a cuppa, are ya?

Yeah, well I'm gonna write to those bastards and complain about their lax quality control.... and While I'm at it I'm gonna demand compensation, not just for the milk sugar/sweeteners and electricity, but for the fact I got a fucking tea leaf caught in the back of my throat and had a devil of a time breathing there for a while.

The other gripe I'll be raising with them is cutting corners, not just in quality control but when filling the tea bag.  There was a time when one tea bag would make a decent strength cup of the, but now one has to dunk two tea bags to get the same strength brew.  Yup, those bastards are gonna cop it orright

>:(

Reply #16 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 15
More to the point, one could fucking choke on a friggin' tea leaf. I mean, you're not expecting lumpy bits in a cuppa, are ya?
End of starkers's quote

Ah...these new Australians....I bet you've never swung a Billy, have you? ....;)

Reply #17 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting Jafo, reply 16
Ah...these new Australians....I bet you've never swung a Billy, have you?
End of Jafo's quote

Sure have, when working for Queensland Rail and Ipswich City Council back in the 70's... also when camping.  Yeah, I was often the only bloke on horse riding camps with all these women, and let's just say that swinging the billy had it's benefits. 

Besides, that's not the point!  If I want a box of free tea bags I have to pour on the agony, don't I!

Oh, and I spent only 16 years in the Old Dart [which I happened to live very close by, actually] and have lived here for 42 years, and I can assure you that I'm more Aussie larrikin with an ocker 'tude than I was ever a liliy white Chumly.

:grin:

Reply #18 from WinCustomize Forums Top

I wrote to my local member of parliament about it...
End of quote

impressed by your efficiency.... :)

 

a couple of dock icons for you to help you store your correspondence........    I know how fastidious you are in all things... especially when you're on a roll....  |-)

 

 

Reply #19 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 17
and have lived here for 42 years, and I can assure you that I'm more Aussie larrikin with an ocker 'tude than I was ever a liliy white Chumly.
End of starkers's quote

Third generation Oz here...me old man was from Oz...and me old man's old man was from Oz.....[ditto for the old cheese].....

...we won't mention earlier...cos one of 'em was kicked out of Ireland - apparently for being a trouble-maker....;)

Reply #20 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting Jafo, reply 19
won't mention earlier...cos one of 'em was kicked out of Ireland - apparently for being a trouble-maker..
End of Jafo's quote

A trait that runs in the family, is it?  :-"

 

Reply #21 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 20
A trait that runs in the family, is it?
End of starkers's quote

Nah....I've never been thrown out of Ireland......

 

 

....yet...;)

Reply #22 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting Jafo, reply 21
Nah....I've never been thrown out of Ireland......
End of Jafo's quote

Hehe, I wasn't wondering about the being thrown out of Ireland bit. :-"

 

Reply #23 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Always whinging about something - at least you bought into Aussie culture ;p

Reply #24 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting Fuzzy, reply 23
Always whinging about something - at least you bought into Aussie culture
End of Fuzzy's quote

What d'yer mean... when a plane load of Poms arrives at Sydney airport, the whining carries on for an eternity after the engines are shut down.

There is one UK export you're welcome to have back, though... that parasite politician, Juliar Gillard.  That's one ten pound tourist we could have done without.

;P

Reply #25 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Dead weight - you can keep her ;)