"Please Let Us Die"

NO! You can't leave! If we have to suffer so do you! Now sit...stay...and eat your oil like a good whale. And stop complaining...some whales starving in the Atlantic..be grateful for your free oil! And have a beer on me!

That's right!

The conversation around the whale dinner table:

Momma whale: There are starving little whales in the Atlantic! Finish all the oil on your plate or no sardines for you, young whale!

Poppa whale: Whoops. The sardines are extinct, dear.

Momma whale: You know what I mean! People have to pay for that delicious oil! You get it for free and you're whining?!

Young whale: Sheesh! And they wonder why I smoke kelp all the time! PEOPLE?! Where's an effin' Orca when you need one?

The whales should strap bombs to themselves and go kamikaze some fishing boats.

Something to look at.

Whales give carbon a bum steer

A damned shame I don't own a submarine. I'd sell whales tickets to torp the ships. How about the endless pollution and trash we dump into the ocean: Sewage, chemicals, animal dung...you name it.

Look at it any way you want....we're a blight....and one of these days it'll be "blights out" for humanity.

We'd better not kill them all off, I don't think Cpt. Kirk and Spock could save the earth 2 times.

Now that's funny right there....

Those were humpback whales, not blue whales - duh!

Oh yes indeed, stop all naval sonar, no more ocean vessels, and God forbid anymore of the science stuff,,,Geeezzzzzzzz

Actually I love the science stuff ... especially when it's used to prevent bad effects of other things we're doing.

I know that Fuzzy, I seen the move a dozen times.

* OP edited. This article is from The Onion. Just thought it dovetailed nicely with current events. Wish I were talented enough to dream it up.

Link is in the edited OP.