I'm done.

from JoeUser Forums

I'm done.

Done being and doing a lot of things.

Done being the perpetual whipping boy (grl).  Done taking the blame for everything that goes wrong or happens.

Done feeling unloved and unwanted. 

Done trying.  Done giving while others take.  Done adapting to suit every one else's needs.

Done writing.  It's lost it's charm and it's release.

Done reading.  Causes too much angst and jealousy.

I'm done.

 

blogging
4,140 views 18 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
dharma, I just got back on the pc after a few days break, and this popped up. I'm not sure if this means you won't be blogging anymore, but I wish you the best regardless. I've enjoyed reading about your life, and hope it continues to get better.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
"If the book we are reading does not wake us, as with a fist hammering on our skull, why then do we read it? Good God, we would also be happy if we had no books, and such books as make us happy we could, if need be, write ourselves. But what we must have are those books that come upon us like ill-fortune, and distress us deeply, like the death of one we love better than ourselves, like suicide. A book must be an ice-axe to break the frozen sea inside us. "

-- Franz Kafka

" 'You play things upon a blue guitar
You do not play them as they are.'
'Things as they are
are changed upon my blue guitar.' "

--William Carlos Williams

"Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night."
--Matthew Arnold

" 'What do you imagine falling in love is like?' I asked.
'Maybe it's like swooning--if not that, I don't know.'
I amended my question to 'What is loving'?
'Caring for somebody else . . . I think gentleness would have something to do with it.'
'Have you cared for somebody else?' I asked her.
She hesitated for a moment before answering. 'I think lots of times there are things that are missing from my life.'"
--An Anthropologist on Mars, a conversation between author Oliver Sacks and Temple Grandin, autistic

Feel better, D.
TBT
Offworld Trading Company
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I am sorry you feel this way. I won't try and tell you that how you feel is wrong, they are your feelings and must be dealt with as such. But do take care of yourself. Should you want to talk, you have my email and instant messenger information, phone number is available upon request. I glady offer whatever support I can be to you.
Now for the joke I couldn't resist when I saw the title: Should we stick a fork in you?
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Take some time off and we'll see you soon!

Let us know if we can do anything to help you work out your feelings.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I know that this does get to be a drag here...
but!
I know to there will be better days too.
You mean to much to too many here.
Like suicide it would be selfish for you to go and
not suffer as a light to others
The choice, however, is yours
but!
I say...
Stay
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm not good with goodbyes, but I hope this is not one. If you go, we will be sad, but if you go, God bless you. (or Buddha mmm....do whatever buddhas do to you, in your case)

If you come back, we welcome you with open arms. And if you don't feel like writing, take a break for awhile, come back to visit sometimes, and perhaps after awhile you'll feel like returning. Good luck either way, nbs.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I know how you feel dharma.

I owe you more than I can say, or ever pay back, and I will miss you if you go.

Thankyou for being there for me.

love, Dyl xx
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

Dharma,

Why?

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
What happened?
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

Wow, where to begin...

I don't know if I'm done blogging or not.  I honestly don't.  I think that I am, but I don't want to be....but this place, whilst it's a source of great pleasure for me, is also starting to make me uncomfortable.  I don't feel like I fit in.....I don't feel like I really belong.  It's not about points or about placements, it's about personalities...there are some people here who have pretty big personalities and who tend to run over others without really knowing it.  I'm starting to feel shut out, almost.  That's not exactly it either....it's hard to describe.  I like to think that everyone in a community has a role to play, a spot to fill...and I don't know what mine is.

Things at home aren't that great either.  My husband, while I love him to bits, can be a fucking asshole.  He chose the past 2 days, when I had a raging headache, to be an asshole, and it caused a lot of friction and unhappiness for me (on top of what I already had).  There's a lot of other stuff going on as well, things that I'm not prepared to talk about here....just know that it's particularly difficult right now.

It doesn't seem like I got the job that I wanted, and I'm disappointed about that, plus we found out that D's team might be going to Baghdad after all.

So, now you know.

Thank you all for you comments, I'll try to come back and address them individually when I'm more inclined and have my head on semi-straight again.  Answering them now isn't going to do anyone any good, and will only throw me deeper into the pit of despair I'm wallowing in.

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks for the info, now go take care of yourself, your family, and whatever these things are your not speaking of. We will be here when/if your ready to talk to us more, right everyone?
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Wow. Today seems to be a shitty day all around for a bunch of us. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you, dharma. I am thinking of you and I send my love. *hugs*
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dharma--Stay or go, it is of course your choice. But know that you have always been one of my best friends here and if you do choose to go I will miss you greatly. I also understand the need to take care of yourself, and that supercedes keeping us happy by hanging around. You really helped me out a lot here at the beginning and I will forever be grateful for that, and so much more.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dharma I'm sorry you feel like this at the moment. I don't really know what to say. I read alot of your articles, but rarely comment. However seeing this, I just had to say, if you left, I would really miss your contribution. I don't feel like I belong here at the moment. I've felt a bit out of it for a while. I still appreciate the kindness, and help people pffer here. You may not be able to see it at the moment, but you play a huge part in the community here. You mean alot, to alot of people. Because of the person you are. I see you offer advice, help, and support time and time again. You offer friendship to people without wanting anything in return. You truely are a huge part of this community.

The rest of the bad stuff, though life may seem slightly poop at the moment, it will get better. I know that doesn't really help you at the moment, but things will smooth over, and take a turn for the better. Just know we are all her to listen and support you for once. Take care.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dharma,

Just know I feel your place. I know you are the voice of wisdom and reason on every level. Take time off if need be, but please don't leave. You do have purpose and love here.

Love,
Heather
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top

dharma, i am very much hoping that this isn't the end of your blog, and i can see that i'm far from alone.

i have even shared the sentiments you express at one time or another. but it all boils down to this: you are one of the main pillars holding this whole community up, and you are the most loved, admired and respected blogger i know.

please stay with us. i know your popularity on here ruffles the odd feather, but you deserve every single positive comment you get. i know of nobody who works harder 'behind the scenes' to offer help, encouragement, support, advice, wisdom, and even gifts made with your own hands.

you are a true rarity in this selfish, busy, modern world, and i, as well as many others, am richer for knowing you. please hang in there. this too shall pass.

love miggy XXXXX