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you see your name and picture in the obituary column of the morning paper
This happened to you today? If so, you got some explaining to do. 
I'm with v on this one...imagine the possibilties.
.... and you feel a pulse but can't find one. 
seems like that would be a GOOD day
I'm with v on this one...imagine the possibilties.
The posibility of NO taxes might soiund good, but there'd be no pay, either... or weekend football, propping up the bar over a beer or poo flinging.
You know it's going to be a bad day when:
* you stir the morning coffee that your spouse made you and the spoon dissolves.
* it's Sunday morning and you wanna sleep in... but receive a 5.00am from your ex-wife to say she's coming to visit
* you ring every removalist in the yellow pages but can't find one who works Sundays to shift you prior to her arrival.
* you alternatively erect "Hazardous Area" and "Toxic Fumes" warning signs - even peel off a few curried cabbage barks around the front door for authenticity - but nothing deters her.
Actually, things aren't that bad! My ex-wife came to visit recently - my/our son has been living with me for a while - and it all went surprisingly well. Yup, it's pretty amazing what 20+ years will do... all the negatives were gone and we shared some good and friendly conversation that we both enjoyed.
It wasn't always that way, particularly in in the early days, so yeah, I'm pretty happy that we've moved on and the bad old days are behind us.
When you go to the mailbox and find a "Hello, this is the IRS and you've been chosen to be audited."
Why do I hear a ghostly voice saying, "Bwah hah hah...that's what you think, starkers."
Nah, it's all good these days. There were times in the past when we didn't get along and were better off kept apart, but we've moved on and are both happy in our lives... meaning contentment has replaced those negatives. She is now married to a really decent bloke and I have the best gal in Shaunna, so there is no need for either of us to revisit unhappier times.
In fact, these days she reminds me more of the happy-go-lucky, easy-to-get-along-with lass I once married than the woman I divorced... and we've both mellowed with age, so no, I'm not expecting expecting any dramas. Better still, she and Shaunna get on great together, almost like sisters, and I get along great with her new hubby, so it's all good.
You know it's going to be a bad day when:
* you dream of eating a 10lb marshmallow and awaken to find your pillow missing... just just know you're gonna be farting feathers all day.
I'd call that a damn good cup of coffee... 
I've been carefully cultivating a second personality for many years. If one goes south, I'm good.
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