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from JoeUser Forums
       I don't think I can keep doing this.
       The people that have called me friend in the past no longer talk to me, with one exception I couldn't find them if I wanted to, I've tried. Online I would count many of you as friends, but it's an icky friendship. Your there, and I'm here and when we talk it grates upon me. I am outside, I can look in at those that are inside and feel pain from it, or I can look away, and be alone. I can be part of the community and write and comment, but the more I do so the more it hurts. Because, try as hard as I want, I can not connect with the people here. We struggle through a mostly textual medium (plus smileys and other silly graphics), but I need physical interaction. Yet there is none. You are all phantoms. Friendly, intelligent, humorous, entertaining, and all around good, but phantoms all the same. I am unfit for human contact. And I am not the only one. Many of you have expressed similar feelings, and I would offer comfort and support, no one should have to feel this way, but your not here, your there. I can't be your friend, even when I try, because I am broken. You can't be my friend, even if you wanted to, because your too far away.
       I am alone.
4,103 views 21 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top


There we go, buddy. There's a big smile and a little more physicality for you (I know, I know, it's not what you meant, but all the same) Maybe it will make me a little less of a phantom.

You sound incredibly down. Yes, this medium is by no means perfect, but I find that some contact is far superior to none. I've made some amazing friends through this site. Some I'll meet, others there is no chance to due to mere geography. Yet the support that they have extended to me has made an incredible difference, even when those who are physically in my life couldn't.

Please hang around. You are a very welcome and appreciated member of JU - and you've only been here a short time. keep talking to us - we want to listen!

Suz xxx
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

Danny...you and I have talked about this before.  You know my take on the issue, as well as I know yours.

You're the only one who thinks that you're broken.  You're also the only one who thinks you're unfit for friendship.  We're all miles away, yes, but that's the beauty of the internet...to me, you're just on the other side of the sreeen.  Distance is only a factor if you let it be one.  I've never let it deter me in the past, and I'm not about to start now...

In order to have physical interaction, you have to leave the house and physically interact with other people......

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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
hey danny my first time here... but just want to tell you that yes its mostly pschological that you need people around you...the only truth is that you were born alone and in this world ,in your life you are alone,ur the only one who matters....so don't let ur life go waste by wallowing in self pity that u don't have any real friends,..frds are supposed to help you lead a happy life by sharing your misery....and honestly i think that this purpose is very well served by the frds uhave online...even if unreal...lotsa luv,god bless....)
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dude, don't listen to these crackheads. I feel the same exact way. All of my "friends" are phantoms somewhere on the other side of the screen. It does hurt. I don't want to encourage self-pity and such, but I don't want to make everything all rosy. Dude, get a hold of me and we can talk.

Lovvens,
*grins wickedly*
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

Dude, don't listen to these crackheads

You know what, that wasn't very nice.  Name calling isn't, and wasn't, necessary.

I could retaliate and say that you're full of poo and don't know what you're talking about...but seeing as how I'm a nice person I won't.

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have many internet friends who became real life friends, so it isn't all fruitless for me. If you feel that you need more physical interaction then by all means go out and make friends. But that's no real reason to drop hanging around here all together - even if you don't want to get personal, it's still a good place for discussions.

It's true there's a barrier to the physical - you can't give real hugs to people, there's no real face to see and sometimes it can feel utterly lonely if one gets no response. There is truely only so much you can do or say. I do think it takes some amount of faith to believe in cyberspace friendships.

I don't understand why you said you are 'broken'. I enjoy your blogs and comments so far and I just hope that you will stay.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Me, too. I find it difficult at times to acknowledge the fact that I tell more people here my feelings than the people around me, but I've stopped considering this as being just a blog site, but a community of people with lots in common and a lot of other things interesting to find out about. Danny, I'm lonely too, at times, but there's a lot of people here who really do make me feel like I'm something more than just a faceless signature on a computer screen. Keep on with it. I've enjoyed getting to know you.
Nicky
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Floozie: Well someones happy in that picture. "some contact is far superior to none" Some days I'll agree with you on that, but others I don't. Still, it's very frustrating. And it's nice to know you want to listen to my ramblings.

dharmagrl: Yep, I'm the one that thinks that, and since I'm me, my thoughts are the ones I have to work with. Can't exactly work with anyone elses when I'm not them, even when they are nice enough to share them. And you do realize that the method you used to comment to *grins wickedly* was an insult in the manner you said you wouldn't?

tina_ turner: I think your wrong. I wasn't born alone, both of my parents were there, and most likely a few doctors/nurses. And I am not the only one that matters, if I used that outlook I would be a very selfish person (which I might well be but I try not to be). Now if you'll pardon my disagreeing with you, it was nice of you to stop by and I appreciate your comment all the same.

*grins wickedly*: While it isn't nice to call people crackheads (unless of course you happen to know they are using crack) I get the feeling you mean this humorously. If you (or anyone else for that matter) want to look me up elsewhere, I'm on AIM and Yahoo messengers with the same username I use here and my email is at yahoo.com, again same username.

Ravenblack: If I talk to people it becomes personal, as soon as the exchange becomes two-way thats how it works, at least for me. As for me being broken, see earlier article. If that doesn't explain what I mean by broken, well I guess I could write more on the topic.

NickyG: I tell more people here my feelings as well, but then again, I don't share my feelings with those around me.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
owww, i wish i could reach out to from your screen and give you a big HUG, but it is not possible. So i give you a virtual hug. I dont like to hear, read or see people aching. It makes me ache as well, even if i dont know you. You know you can write as much as you want Danny. There's always some of us who will read you and leave a little note for you.

It may be hard to believe Danny, but I care

Cheer up man.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny, hang around a bit more..and you just might be able to see the "real" people behind the Nics.....I am pretty much new here, too...and have not connected with many people Yet..but I will hang around so I can get to know ppl.....it might take a bit of time...but , hey, you never know..it might be worth it in the end....

My boyfriend had similar feelings to those you have...he's told me that he always felt like he would end up alone, and he used sarcasm and aloofness to keep ppl away ...As for myself...I went through some bad stuff in childhood and trusted NO one.....but we met....and slowly, oh so slowly, we got to know each other and got closer. I will confess...it's been a struggle...but he was able to put walls down and let me in and I was able to do the same...we have disovered, in each other, two people who were so eager to give and show love to that special person...

I really do hope that you are able to connect to ppl here online, or offline, on a deeper level...like others said...keep up with the writing...we'll get to know you more that way....and you'll get to know us more in return.....hope you are feeling better.
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
dharmagrl: And you do realize that the method you used to comment to *grins wickedly* was an insult in the manner you said you wouldn't?


Thank you Danny.

You know what, that wasn't very nice. Name calling isn't, and wasn't, necessary.


I wasn't name calling. Crack head is, for me, a term for people who don't know what it's like, what they're talking about. A crackhead is, to me, a term used loosely. I'm sorry if you got offended because you really are a crackhead or a former crackhead or what ever.


Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm sorry if you got offended because you really are a crackhead or a former crackhead or what ever.


Enjoy your trolling, grins.

Danny: Rock on. Everyone here is listening.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Danny, I just got AIM. I will come up as catdriverdoug.

Talk to ya soon.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
I could retaliate and say that you're full of poo and don't know what you're talking about...but seeing as how I'm a nice person I won't.


I think Dharma meant that in a humorous way too. It certainly made me giggle anyway!

Back to the point....I know what you mean Danny. Friendships through the internet can be complicated things. I also know you can get so much out of them if you are willing to get the chance. You don't have the physical interaction, but you meet kind, caring people, you wouldn't usually have the opportunity to meet, and they can become the best of friends. I have met people through the internet I now class among my closest friends. Me and the dirty floozie met through the internet, and I class her as a great mate. I understand you are feeling down, and I will offer my hand of friendship. Though I can never give you a real hug, I can listen to you, and offer advice, and make you smile. I can be a friend. Friendship is what you make it, don't turn it down because you can grab on to it. Chin up and take care.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Aw, Danny, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. And clearly, it is not just us two, either, who feel or have felt this way. Yeah, it sucks, big time.

For me, the only conclusion I have been able to reach is this: life is all about learning. I mean, that's the main reason we're here on earth. As such, we go through different phases and transitions, during which times we have to let go of old stuff in order to allow new stuff to come in. This is the only reason I can fathom to explain how I find myself so alone these days. Hopefully this is not too philosophical or abstract to be useful, but I have to beleive that even though I find it difficult to make new friends (and I'm not really big on acquaintences, there's a big difference) - I will not remain in this broken state forever. It is simply not my destiny. And I don't believe it's yours, either. You are too genuiniely kind to remain alone for long; good things are coming to you! Sometimes we just have to let go of the old first.

You've gotten some pretty nice responses to this, from some pretty nice people. While it may not be your ideal form of friendship, I would say these people (and me) ARE your friends and would encourage you to think that way as well. I mean, they're awfully friendly...very friend-like...looks like a friend, smells like a friend...

~Meg
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
island_gurl12: I don't like to see others ache either, but then again, how many of us post stories about our aches here. Not to say we shouldn't, just that this is an achy place.
InBloom: I'm glad you and your boyfriend are doing well together
*grins wickedly*: I got your message on aim, but I was eating lunch at the time, hence no reply for you, try again later.
Texas Wahine:
Sally jacobs: I don't think I quiet made my point in what I wrote, which indirectly illustrates my point, but that's besides the point I've had (and have) friends online, but even as they are friends it is uncomfortable for me. Nothing to fault them (you) for, just something about me. Make sense?
Hamster 311: Someone once said 'life sucks and then you die'. But before then, we all have much learning to do. Although letting go of the old, that I have difficulty with. Certain things/feelings/whatnot that happened in my past are important to me, I don't want to let go.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
little_whip: I've read many of yours and EmperorofIceCream's articles, you two seem to love each other, which is a good thing, even if your whole relationship comes across as rather freaky at times I'll hang in here, doing my best to be a fine upstanding member of the community, in between occasional pity parties.

as for the whole crackhead thing...
       Years back when I was in high school there was this one kid that we called stupid. Legendary Stupid Head, God of Stupidity, etc. It was all meant as a joke, since he was really rather bright. In fact, I think he might have been the first to call himself stupid. In any case, someone outside the situation could have easily looked at it and said people were being rude to call him stupid. But yet for those of us calling him that rudeness wasn't intended, or perceived on his part.
       So the point of this little story is that I thought both dharmagrl and *grins wickedly* were trying to be humourous. And while I think they were funny, I can see where someone could find malicious intent in what both of them said. In the words of someone much wiser then I, Can't we all just get along.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
lets share our pain and make it all go away i say!
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
lets share our pain and make it all go away i say!


Works for me.
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Share our pains..wow..where do i start.....lol...j/k.....i think i'll unload them gradually one by one....
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Glad to hear it