It sucks when:

* you lose your eyelids in a freak  accident and the doctor says he can fix it by circumcising you and transplanting the severed skin... you then spend the rest of your life cock-eyed.

* you're sitting in the waiting room at the ER and start to laugh when a guy comes in with a bucket stuck on his head... then he reminds you that you're the dweeb sitting there with his penis stuck in a vacuum cleaner pipe.

* I actually saw this once (a guy with his dick stuck in a pipe), started laughing uproariously and got asked to leave the ER

* you sometimes but temporarily lose control of your arms and legs so go to the doctor, who explains: "Ah yes!  Like me, you suffer from involuntary muscle spasms." ... then he spasms and whacks you alongside your ear.

* you go to the doctor complaining of a sore anus and the inability to sh!t, only to discover he forgot to remove the rectal thermometer at your previous visit.

* you present to the doctor with sickly headaches and he precsribes a medication, warning that it has side-effects.  When you inquire as to what they are he replies: "Migraines, throbbing of the fronatal lobes and nausea."

* you present to your doctor with a priapism and he says that he's not qualified to deal with it, so sends you around to his wife's bordello instead.

* the nurse tells you she has to take your temperature anally... and when you hear people laughing hysterically you look around to find the door open and a rose hanging out your ass.

Oh, don't say that! Everyday is another chance

to screw up.

Oh, don't say that cos it sucks when:

* everybody gathers around to watch and laugh when you screw up.

* your very loud alarm clock ensures you awaken to screw up.

* you have a papparazzi-type who follows you around with a camera to record all your screw-ups.

* you get on the bottom so you can 'screw' UP and your partner calls a taxi to go out.

* your last screw-up was so bad it got posted on YouTube and now millions are laughing AT you.

* you screw up on pupose to get out of doing a chore and it goes un-noticed.

* you screw up on purpose a second time (in the hope it gets attention this time and gets you out of it) but it  just makes the job twice as hard for yourself.

Well, I was going to say everyday above ground is a good day, but that isn't always true, is it now? 

But everyday you have many, many chances to make an ass of yourself!  

Yup, there'd be a few miners who reckon every day above ground is a good day.... and those fanatical nuclear war theorists, well they'd think every day below ground in a concrete shelter is a good day.

Now you're talking... I spend all day every day making an ass of myself.  In fact, I've been doing it so long now, I'm beginning to go hee-haw at the start of every asinine sentence.

It sucks when:

* you think you've made an ass of yourself... then see the photos that prove it,

* the guy at the fair thinks you're so successful at being an ass, he asks if you'll give the kids donkey rides.

* you're such an ass to your wife she sells you to a Mexican whose burro just died.

* your being an ass pisses off a gang banger that much he takes his sawn-off 12 gauge shotgun, blow a hole in you the size of Texas.... then calls you an ass- hole.

* there's one asshole you really don't wanna meet... but do.  YUK big time.

It really does suck when your escapade with the elephant is spread all over the net.

It really does suck when the caption reads women owned by horse fart.

It sucks when this sort of thing is the highlight of your day.

It sucks when your own anal emanations make you sick as a dog.

hmmm dont forget theres always the net too you know buster

It suxs big time when you are on holidays and your friend goes to the casino and wins $4000  and you have no intension in having a flutter yourself.

It sucks when:

* you're toodamned tired to think up any more crap to go in this thread tonight in the early hours of the morning

g'night and I'll dream up some more fer ya's termorrah.

this, so I've been told, is suppose to be an indicator of a good time, not a sucky situation.

it really sucks when you're working on a blind in XP just before you get your new computer that operates with vista only to find out that the XP blind is not vista compatable and that you have to learn to use SKS6 all over again with vista and then you realize that windows7 will be released before you get up to speed the vista model. (a true story)

That depends on whether it's before or after the dirty deed... if after it means you didn't have time to take them off.  If before, then either the freshly painted wall isn't dry, or you have some serious explaining to do. 

Alternatively, you have a leak somewhere that either requires surgery or a cork.  If it's a cork in thr rear orifice, and you've been on the curried cabbage, said cork may become a projectile and blow your nut off.... which would suck.

It sucks when:

* you lose your wallet containing nude photos of your partner and they subsequently appear on the internet.

* you find a wallet and it's empty all but for an IOU

* you're a good citizen and you hand in a purse you found to police... then are subsequently placed in a line-up for a bag snatching.

* you find a banker's wallet but it is also empty.... cos bankers clean out wherever they find money.

* you're desperately lonely and get all excited when you feel someone touching your arse, but you're suddenly deflated as you realise it's just a damned pick-pocket.

* Friday you report your wallet stolen and cancel all your cedit cards, etc.... and .on Sunday you're cleaning out the car and find it under your seat

nah im cool now i actually discoverd that the NAB have a consession account for pensioners....they never told me about this lil gem i had to 'accidently discover it' myself..so i dont get hit with charges no more, but i used to.

What really sucks is that if Uncle Sam were to monitor some of these threads he'd probably scratch his butt wondering what the hell is that all about. Actually it doesn't suck...it's par for the course...hehe.

It sucks when you wake up in the A.M. and realize another day has gone by and you somehow missed it. Been there done that. Don't ask me how I don't know.

It sucks when this reply window looks so strange. There's no border. No nothing except an smiley face up there on the left underneath font family font size. Go figure. And when you click on the smiley face they're spread out from one side of the screen to the other. Seen the green guy. Now the other one.

I was with National Arse Bandits a few years back and asked for a pensioner account, but was told I didn't qualify for one because I was on DSP and not an aged pension... that's when I told 'em to shove it, withdrew my money and went across the road to Suncorp.

Things might've changed at NAB since then, but I'm more than happy where I am.

It sucks when your bank:

* invents new fees to increase executive bonuses.

* spends 50c postage to tell you that yuou're 11c overdrawn.

* has tellers who are supposed to do cash transactions trying to hard-sell services you neither want ot need (another reason NAB got the flick)

* has an automated phone answering service and it takes you 25 minutes to actually get tospeak with a real person.

*keeps closing branches to keep THEIR overheads down and you can't find another locally to see someone face to face.

* suspects youi're a bank robber cos you are wearing face bandages after surgery and call security.the cops. (happened to me at NAB Milton)

It sucks when:

1- You can't think of a single thing to add to this thread. Ain't that a bitch

It's too early...I'm not awake yet

it sucks when you realize someone is gonna make a curried cabbage wb and no one sent you an invite...(jokes)

it really sucks when you go to a place to get a bite to eat....and they only sell your nemesis drink....."pepsi'.....(shudders)

and it sucks even more when you buy a bottle of cola from the supermarket, pour yourself a glass, then 10 mins go back for another, and cant undo the lid cause you always do it up too tight for some unknown godly reason!!!!  so now your hand is bright red, and stinging, so you get a teatowl.......no still wont open...... fustrated you try the door crack.....no, now your nearly in tears, because you really really need another coke!!! ...and try your very sore right hand again and remind yourself that pain is only in the mind.......and YES it opens!!!....now pour another coke, have a ciggy and recover from your mini nervous breakdown........

it sucks when you have to buy fake tiny cats curled up in a sleeping position from the post office to replace the reality of owning a real cat....cause your not allowed too (landlord rules)

it sucks more when you have a stuffed toy monkey named mocho, and you think that he is real, he watches tv with you, sleeps in your bed....talks back, has a milkyway before dinner so it wont ruin his appetite....ect.... and you thought you were nuts......

It sucks when:

* You've had a few too many beers while watching the footy and yer missus says: "Don't forget to take the dog out to do its business before you lock up and come to bed.  So you stumble around 3 parts pissed to find the leash and hook it up to your daughter's toy dog on wheels to take outside for a piss.

* you wait outside all night to avoid incurring the missus wrath over a soiled carpet and the contrary thing won't piss or shit.

* while you're drunkenly waiting for this toy dog to piss and/or shit, randy Rover from next door comes over and humps it.

* next morning your daugher starts crying cos her toy dog on wheels is all sticky and your missus 'blames' YOU.

* your told to clean it off and the toy dog falls apart in the washing machine

It sucks when:

* regular folk are finding it tough already and the state gov't annouces it is increasing electricity costs by 15% next month.

* the gov't could easily make up this 15% by cutting pollie/bureaucrat lurks and perks, excessive salaries and often unnecessary overseas/interstate jaunts but won't.

* low income earners, pensioners and the unemployed will soon have to resort to boiling their eggs in pots over candles.

* this power increase will force many battling small businesses to lay off staff and/or close their doors

* this government's election platforn was job creation/protection, yet it seems to be doing all in its power to un-create them.

* this governments is so incompetent and short-sighted it can not see greater unemployment will further fuel the recession through lower GDP.

* this greedy government grab for cash will fill its coffers only to fund more incompetence, resources waste, lurks, perks and unnecessary jaunts.

***rant off... 'til next time, which inevitably there will be, given frequent gov't cock-ups***

don't worry kitty....it's just a lot of hot air....

It sucks when:

* Somebody confuses air with what is obviously GAS. 

* that gas is produced in bed and its only way out is up.

* you were alone at the time and had nobody to play 'dutch ovens' with

When you're too tired to go to bed.

sydneysisters - If  horizontal fails, then perhaps vertical counting will do it.