...i might have really done it this time
what do you think?
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
and now, for your reading pleasure, an article quite contrary to my last, detailing attention that i did NOT enjoy:
I'm totally freaking out because I made a big decision today. I chose to let a secret I've been keeping out in the open. I wouldn't care, except for the fact that it affects more people than just myself, most of whom I don't even know...so I'm very concerned with what the aftermath will be. let's start at the beginning...
This past june, some friends and i had a small get-together. By small, I mean it was only four of us. The group consisted of myself, my dear friend Shawna, her new boyfriend Jim, and his friend Scott (whom I had not met). While this could easily be construed as a double date, it was not. Scott has been in a relationship for over four years. I knew this, and was well aware that I needed to keep my hands off. This was not a problem when I met him, because I found myself disgustingly un-attracted to him, and I also found him to be somewhat obnoxious. He became slightly more tolerable with every drink i had, and the four of us ultimately had a very entertaining evening. We were up until all hours of the night just being funny and enjoying the effects of our alcohol consumption. We were in Shawna's apartment, which is in the same building as mine, but somehow we decided to all sleep there. Things were arranged fine, Jim and Shawna were in her bed, and Scott was on the floor, and I was in Shawna's chair. Mind you, this all takes place in a very small studio apartment, so we were all sharing some pretty close quarters. Once the lights went off, I assumed Jim and Shawna were having some fun over on their side of the room, but was quickly distracted from that when I felt a hand creeping up my shirt. Had I been more sober and alert, I would have put a screeching hault to things at this very moment, but I was confused and shocked, and I know I let it continue past any reasonable point. I still kick myself, knowing that I should have just gone back upstairs to my apartment. Scott proceeded to try and undress me, for which I was quite unaccomodating. At one point I thought that the whole ordeal was over, and I went to the bathroom, where I just found him waiting in there. He forced me into the corner and attempted to kiss me and place my hand on places I never wanted to go. He tried to pull me outside of the room, but was not successful. I made it back to my chair and just wanted to go to sleep, but Scott was persistant and soon I felt his face on my thigh. I stopped that one immediately as well, but somehow his hand managed to sneak in where I didn't want it either. I was frightened and confused by the whole situation. Keep in mind, the whole thing is taking place with Scott on the floor, and myself up in a chair. His hand found its way inside of me briefly, definitely not with good placement due to my reluctance to accomodate and his awkward angle of approach. Sorry to be graphic, but this intrusion was painful and almost violent...and left me with considerable pain over the next two days. Throughout the whole thing, I was just focussed on staying as quiet as possible, so that Jim and Shawna wouldn't find out. I was terrified that they would think that I did something to encourage his behavior, and that they would think poorly of me for doing so with an already 'taken' man. Plus, I was drunk. I make it a policy never to use that as an excuse, but we all know how bizarre our logic can become sometimes. I had to leave early the next morning, so I quietly snuck out while everyone was still asleep.
So that's the story. No big deal. I kept the secret for several days, but eventually unloaded on Shawna. We talked it all out, I was fine. I was left with this strong desire to talk to Scott, but I had no contact information for him. I wanted to ask him if he realizes what happened...I wanted to confront him for being such an ignominious bastard...I wanted to find out if he's cheated before...I wanted to know why he kept going when I forceably stopped him so many times....I wanted to know if he felt bad about it. But I never did. I was afraid what would happen if I told anyone else. There's a very good possibility that his girlfriend would end things if she knew what he did, and I didn't want to be the cause of their demise. It seemed like such a small, random incident. However, seeing as how he wasted no time once the lights went out, I have to think he's done it before. Not that he's nearly attractive enough to do it very often. I wanted to tell Jim, who's very well grounded in terms of morals...but I didn't want to make waves. I put the whole ordeal at the back of my mind, and it's very easy to forget it ever happened.
Shawna and Jim just recently broke up, and I also recently found out that Scott bought Lindsay a ring. Knowing that I might soon lose my chance to express myself, and upon the prompting of a few close friends, I decided to write Jim an email this morning. He'll get it tonight. I outlined the whole situation in as little detail as I could, but nevertheless, he'll soon know. I'm really beginning to question my motives for the whole thing. Was this a good move on my part? Did I have the right to bring it up after this much time?? Will I be able to live with myself once the whole things gets out? Who knows...what do you guys think??
I'm totally freaking out because I made a big decision today. I chose to let a secret I've been keeping out in the open. I wouldn't care, except for the fact that it affects more people than just myself, most of whom I don't even know...so I'm very concerned with what the aftermath will be. let's start at the beginning...
This past june, some friends and i had a small get-together. By small, I mean it was only four of us. The group consisted of myself, my dear friend Shawna, her new boyfriend Jim, and his friend Scott (whom I had not met). While this could easily be construed as a double date, it was not. Scott has been in a relationship for over four years. I knew this, and was well aware that I needed to keep my hands off. This was not a problem when I met him, because I found myself disgustingly un-attracted to him, and I also found him to be somewhat obnoxious. He became slightly more tolerable with every drink i had, and the four of us ultimately had a very entertaining evening. We were up until all hours of the night just being funny and enjoying the effects of our alcohol consumption. We were in Shawna's apartment, which is in the same building as mine, but somehow we decided to all sleep there. Things were arranged fine, Jim and Shawna were in her bed, and Scott was on the floor, and I was in Shawna's chair. Mind you, this all takes place in a very small studio apartment, so we were all sharing some pretty close quarters. Once the lights went off, I assumed Jim and Shawna were having some fun over on their side of the room, but was quickly distracted from that when I felt a hand creeping up my shirt. Had I been more sober and alert, I would have put a screeching hault to things at this very moment, but I was confused and shocked, and I know I let it continue past any reasonable point. I still kick myself, knowing that I should have just gone back upstairs to my apartment. Scott proceeded to try and undress me, for which I was quite unaccomodating. At one point I thought that the whole ordeal was over, and I went to the bathroom, where I just found him waiting in there. He forced me into the corner and attempted to kiss me and place my hand on places I never wanted to go. He tried to pull me outside of the room, but was not successful. I made it back to my chair and just wanted to go to sleep, but Scott was persistant and soon I felt his face on my thigh. I stopped that one immediately as well, but somehow his hand managed to sneak in where I didn't want it either. I was frightened and confused by the whole situation. Keep in mind, the whole thing is taking place with Scott on the floor, and myself up in a chair. His hand found its way inside of me briefly, definitely not with good placement due to my reluctance to accomodate and his awkward angle of approach. Sorry to be graphic, but this intrusion was painful and almost violent...and left me with considerable pain over the next two days. Throughout the whole thing, I was just focussed on staying as quiet as possible, so that Jim and Shawna wouldn't find out. I was terrified that they would think that I did something to encourage his behavior, and that they would think poorly of me for doing so with an already 'taken' man. Plus, I was drunk. I make it a policy never to use that as an excuse, but we all know how bizarre our logic can become sometimes. I had to leave early the next morning, so I quietly snuck out while everyone was still asleep.
So that's the story. No big deal. I kept the secret for several days, but eventually unloaded on Shawna. We talked it all out, I was fine. I was left with this strong desire to talk to Scott, but I had no contact information for him. I wanted to ask him if he realizes what happened...I wanted to confront him for being such an ignominious bastard...I wanted to find out if he's cheated before...I wanted to know why he kept going when I forceably stopped him so many times....I wanted to know if he felt bad about it. But I never did. I was afraid what would happen if I told anyone else. There's a very good possibility that his girlfriend would end things if she knew what he did, and I didn't want to be the cause of their demise. It seemed like such a small, random incident. However, seeing as how he wasted no time once the lights went out, I have to think he's done it before. Not that he's nearly attractive enough to do it very often. I wanted to tell Jim, who's very well grounded in terms of morals...but I didn't want to make waves. I put the whole ordeal at the back of my mind, and it's very easy to forget it ever happened.
Shawna and Jim just recently broke up, and I also recently found out that Scott bought Lindsay a ring. Knowing that I might soon lose my chance to express myself, and upon the prompting of a few close friends, I decided to write Jim an email this morning. He'll get it tonight. I outlined the whole situation in as little detail as I could, but nevertheless, he'll soon know. I'm really beginning to question my motives for the whole thing. Was this a good move on my part? Did I have the right to bring it up after this much time?? Will I be able to live with myself once the whole things gets out? Who knows...what do you guys think??
