Admission

I don't know what the fuck I am doing.

I feel as though I am stumbling down this path in complete darkness, and while I know generally where I am headed, everything is clouded in a haze, and the air tastes of fear, and self-doubt.

Heard somewhere that belief creates some sort of bridge between the "reality of now", and the "to be".   My bridge must be burned, and re-erected at least half a dozen times daily.  It's exhausting, and I wish it would just stay in non-existence.

"Illogical.  I'm simply insane." 

I chant this in my head, constantly. 

"Please, let this just be my imagination."

The likelyhood of this happening, of course, is... well, I would like to say minimal.  But then that feels like such a betrayal to the deepest part of me.  People should not be worried about these kinds of paths, these kinds of outcomes.  This defies all logic, all sense of...

It's complete and utter bullshit.

I can only hope that I am insane.  At least there are padded rooms, and medications for that.