My perfect guy
from 
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JoeUser Forums
I watched Bridget Jones's diary last night. Not the lastest one. The old one. I wanted to remind myself of the last one before I see the new one. This film never fails to make me smile. For all the lonely hearts of the world it is a wonderful film. Slightly self absorbed, but hey who isn't. I was discussing marriage with a friend today. Me and marriage aren't two things I would be putting together anytime soon. Marriage to me seems like a prison sentence. My friend was slightly more optimistic about the whole thing, and pictured themselves getting married in the next five years. That won't be something I put bets on but I was optimistic for their sake. I went on a date. It was the most traumatic event of recent times. Seriously. Dating sucks. What is dating anyway? The dance you do with fools, till you find the right one. We went for a meal. What is it with women and not wanting to eat in front of men, do we want them to believe we aren't human, and we don't need the basics to survive, as we are super human of course. This guy didn't shutup once. Now maybe that was just a nervous tick, who knows, I never got the opportunity to ask. I was more worried by the fact that he never stopped for breath, and at any second he would just fall to the floor, and I would be forced to give him the kiss of life *ugh*.
So how did this turn of events come about. I was partly sick of feeling sorry for myself. Mostly sick of people telling me to actually date someone, and suffering from somewhat of a broken heart. Though the less said about that the better as I'm sure someone reading this is getting their jollies out of that. So my date. A friend of a friend. Aren't they always. We went out last week. I could tell he took a shine to me. Why are men so obvious? He didn't leave my side, and everything I said he laughed at, like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. He was quite a nice guy though. He didn't have that something. You know that flair you see in some people. He didn't have that, but he was nice, and relatively funny. He was also very good looking. I mean drop dead gorgeous. Nice ass too. Peachy. Anyway we got talking, and I have to say that as he was so pretty, he would be somewhat of an idiot. I know I shouldn't think that, but he's nice looking their should be something up with him right? He was actually pretty intelligent. Which shocked me. Good looking people are usually thick. I of course am the exception, hehe. Just playing folks. Anyway, I tested his knowledge on politics, and books, and current events. I think my sense of humour was lost on him at times. I hate that, when I find something hilarious and then people look at me like I'm a complete retard. He did that a few times, but it was quite a good initial meeting. So a few days later, my friend got in touch and said this guy would like to take me out. I thought about it, but what do I have to lose? I am a single girl after all. So I agreed. I now know why I don't go on dates often.
They are such awkward situations. First of all what to wear? I had a debate with my sister about this, just how much do you show, and how much do you leave to the imagination? Don't get me wrong, there was no way this guy was getting anywhere, but it's nice to feel good about yourself. My sister would have had me dressed like a nun if she had her way. We comprimised. I hid my boobs, and showed my legs. So all was good. He picked me up, and we went for a few drinks and then a meal. Sounds, very civil doesn't it? On my part it was just a comedy of errors. I was not made to date. Have I ever told you how accident prone I am? I have at least two minor accidents a day, and one major accident a week. I don't know why. So I did all the things that us girls do to get ready for a date. Painful some of them
. Looked in the mirror, made sure my boobs were sitting nicely. Made sure my hair was nice, makeup was in place. I went down, twirled for my Mum. Who told me to cover myself up and get a coat on. Now a coat would of just ruined the look I was going for completely. So no coat. Like it would rain or anything. HA. So the guy comes to get me, I think he was hoping to meet my Mum or something. Not in this lifetime chicken. We leave. All is going well, but it is only ten seconds into the date. Then guess what? Yes....I trip. Luckily I didn't fall flat on my face, instead I went one step better. You know when you trip, and you do that dance to save yourself. You know the one, which makes you look ten times worse, and you wish you'd just fall over and get the humiliation over with. He kind of laughed to himself, and asked if I was ok. I wanted to scream 'NOOOOOOOOOO I want the ground to open up, and eat me alive' instead I did what any girl would do in this situation, cursed my shoes, and laughed at myself.
It went well at the pub. Where I live they have a strip of these little wine bars. They are pretty funky. Note to self, don't drink loads on a date, it isn't classy. Now this is where things became awkward. I didn't have a clue what to say to him. Small talk is not my friend. I hate it. I don't particularly care. So when I don't know what to say, I usually go into over talk mode. I told the poor guy my life story. I bored him to death. I could see on several occasions that he was looking at the door like he wanted to make a run for it, I just talked some more. I think after a few beers he kind of blocked me out, and was ok with my constant whining. He insisted on paying for everything. Everything. Which was nice. Though it annoys me slightly. I kind of feel like I owe him something then. I'd prefer to pay my own way. Once he had a few beers, he became quite clingly. That just plain gives me the creeps. So walking down the street he puts his arm around me. At first I wanted to wriggle away, but I fear that is quite impolite, so I tried. I really tried to be nice. We arrive at the restaurant. Now my appetite isn't the best, and I am a really fussy eater, and we go to an Italian restaurant. How can you eat Italian food, without having it all dribbling down your face? This is all I could think of as we went in and sat down. I had this pasta tomato thing. He really pigged out. I think he would of ate everything in the restaruant if he could, and he spoke with his mouth full. Which you know, isn't very polite. This is when I realised we just really didn't click. Just not at all. I asked him questions. It was his turn to go into over talk mode. About everything. He did inform me later on, that there was better ways of making conversation than just a question and answer session, I think he was hinting I was socially retarded. I did want to tell him, if I had thought he was capable of conversation I would of tried that, but I wanted as little food spit on me as possible. Anyway, he believes that people should have open relationships. Men aren't made to be with one woman. Though women are made to be with one man.
Apart from that comment, to me he sounded a bit weedy. He proceeded to tell me how he had never met anyone like me before, and I was just amazing. Now these are things I know, of course, but he'd only known me a few hours, so this lead me to believe he was just a bit wimpy. Maybe I am too harsh, I don't know. I just didn't feel that connection with me. Anyway we came to the end of our meal, and he paid of course. I offered and he told me not to be silly, grrr....and we went outside. Now we had to get a taxi home, so he put me in a taxi first, gentlemanly thing to do I suppose. Before we went our separate ways he leaned in to kiss me. Now I know that at the end of a date, you generally kiss. I just really didn't want to. So I kind of ducked out of the way. Thanked him, and ran to my taxi. Leaving him rather shell shocked. A few days later after speaking to my friend who introduced us, I found out that he was most disappointed at this, and in his words, if he had known he was getting nothing at the end, he wouldn't of paid for it. ARSE. That's men for you I guess.
So, dating is off the agenda for a while, until at least I find my perfect guy, so I thought I might write a lonely hearts ad, just to see what replies I get, how do you reckon this will go....
Lovely lass (ME), looking for old man, pref aged 24 going on 30. Who enjoys working, lots. Some sports, not football. Maybe some martial arts...like taeKwondo. Someone who loves the sound of their own voice more than anybody elses. Someone who speaks their mind, and is far from politically correct. Someone who adores repetitive humour, something alot of the time they only understand. Someone who could blah, blah blah at me all day, and me quite like it. Someone who has a three question rule, can rate their moods on a scale I perfectly understand, and who can be gay anyday of the week. Someone who's opening line is *DJ voice* 1....2....1....2!
Hehe...I'm simple, and weird, yes I know.......so do you think my perfect guy is out there? Who knows, maybe someone who matches all that is reading this right now, and should leave me a smile........I won't hold my breath though!
So how did this turn of events come about. I was partly sick of feeling sorry for myself. Mostly sick of people telling me to actually date someone, and suffering from somewhat of a broken heart. Though the less said about that the better as I'm sure someone reading this is getting their jollies out of that. So my date. A friend of a friend. Aren't they always. We went out last week. I could tell he took a shine to me. Why are men so obvious? He didn't leave my side, and everything I said he laughed at, like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. He was quite a nice guy though. He didn't have that something. You know that flair you see in some people. He didn't have that, but he was nice, and relatively funny. He was also very good looking. I mean drop dead gorgeous. Nice ass too. Peachy. Anyway we got talking, and I have to say that as he was so pretty, he would be somewhat of an idiot. I know I shouldn't think that, but he's nice looking their should be something up with him right? He was actually pretty intelligent. Which shocked me. Good looking people are usually thick. I of course am the exception, hehe. Just playing folks. Anyway, I tested his knowledge on politics, and books, and current events. I think my sense of humour was lost on him at times. I hate that, when I find something hilarious and then people look at me like I'm a complete retard. He did that a few times, but it was quite a good initial meeting. So a few days later, my friend got in touch and said this guy would like to take me out. I thought about it, but what do I have to lose? I am a single girl after all. So I agreed. I now know why I don't go on dates often.
They are such awkward situations. First of all what to wear? I had a debate with my sister about this, just how much do you show, and how much do you leave to the imagination? Don't get me wrong, there was no way this guy was getting anywhere, but it's nice to feel good about yourself. My sister would have had me dressed like a nun if she had her way. We comprimised. I hid my boobs, and showed my legs. So all was good. He picked me up, and we went for a few drinks and then a meal. Sounds, very civil doesn't it? On my part it was just a comedy of errors. I was not made to date. Have I ever told you how accident prone I am? I have at least two minor accidents a day, and one major accident a week. I don't know why. So I did all the things that us girls do to get ready for a date. Painful some of them
. Looked in the mirror, made sure my boobs were sitting nicely. Made sure my hair was nice, makeup was in place. I went down, twirled for my Mum. Who told me to cover myself up and get a coat on. Now a coat would of just ruined the look I was going for completely. So no coat. Like it would rain or anything. HA. So the guy comes to get me, I think he was hoping to meet my Mum or something. Not in this lifetime chicken. We leave. All is going well, but it is only ten seconds into the date. Then guess what? Yes....I trip. Luckily I didn't fall flat on my face, instead I went one step better. You know when you trip, and you do that dance to save yourself. You know the one, which makes you look ten times worse, and you wish you'd just fall over and get the humiliation over with. He kind of laughed to himself, and asked if I was ok. I wanted to scream 'NOOOOOOOOOO I want the ground to open up, and eat me alive' instead I did what any girl would do in this situation, cursed my shoes, and laughed at myself.It went well at the pub. Where I live they have a strip of these little wine bars. They are pretty funky. Note to self, don't drink loads on a date, it isn't classy. Now this is where things became awkward. I didn't have a clue what to say to him. Small talk is not my friend. I hate it. I don't particularly care. So when I don't know what to say, I usually go into over talk mode. I told the poor guy my life story. I bored him to death. I could see on several occasions that he was looking at the door like he wanted to make a run for it, I just talked some more. I think after a few beers he kind of blocked me out, and was ok with my constant whining. He insisted on paying for everything. Everything. Which was nice. Though it annoys me slightly. I kind of feel like I owe him something then. I'd prefer to pay my own way. Once he had a few beers, he became quite clingly. That just plain gives me the creeps. So walking down the street he puts his arm around me. At first I wanted to wriggle away, but I fear that is quite impolite, so I tried. I really tried to be nice. We arrive at the restaurant. Now my appetite isn't the best, and I am a really fussy eater, and we go to an Italian restaurant. How can you eat Italian food, without having it all dribbling down your face? This is all I could think of as we went in and sat down. I had this pasta tomato thing. He really pigged out. I think he would of ate everything in the restaruant if he could, and he spoke with his mouth full. Which you know, isn't very polite. This is when I realised we just really didn't click. Just not at all. I asked him questions. It was his turn to go into over talk mode. About everything. He did inform me later on, that there was better ways of making conversation than just a question and answer session, I think he was hinting I was socially retarded. I did want to tell him, if I had thought he was capable of conversation I would of tried that, but I wanted as little food spit on me as possible. Anyway, he believes that people should have open relationships. Men aren't made to be with one woman. Though women are made to be with one man.
Apart from that comment, to me he sounded a bit weedy. He proceeded to tell me how he had never met anyone like me before, and I was just amazing. Now these are things I know, of course, but he'd only known me a few hours, so this lead me to believe he was just a bit wimpy. Maybe I am too harsh, I don't know. I just didn't feel that connection with me. Anyway we came to the end of our meal, and he paid of course. I offered and he told me not to be silly, grrr....and we went outside. Now we had to get a taxi home, so he put me in a taxi first, gentlemanly thing to do I suppose. Before we went our separate ways he leaned in to kiss me. Now I know that at the end of a date, you generally kiss. I just really didn't want to. So I kind of ducked out of the way. Thanked him, and ran to my taxi. Leaving him rather shell shocked. A few days later after speaking to my friend who introduced us, I found out that he was most disappointed at this, and in his words, if he had known he was getting nothing at the end, he wouldn't of paid for it. ARSE. That's men for you I guess.
So, dating is off the agenda for a while, until at least I find my perfect guy, so I thought I might write a lonely hearts ad, just to see what replies I get, how do you reckon this will go....
Lovely lass (ME), looking for old man, pref aged 24 going on 30. Who enjoys working, lots. Some sports, not football. Maybe some martial arts...like taeKwondo. Someone who loves the sound of their own voice more than anybody elses. Someone who speaks their mind, and is far from politically correct. Someone who adores repetitive humour, something alot of the time they only understand. Someone who could blah, blah blah at me all day, and me quite like it. Someone who has a three question rule, can rate their moods on a scale I perfectly understand, and who can be gay anyday of the week. Someone who's opening line is *DJ voice* 1....2....1....2!
Hehe...I'm simple, and weird, yes I know.......so do you think my perfect guy is out there? Who knows, maybe someone who matches all that is reading this right now, and should leave me a smile........I won't hold my breath though!
