Something to make you laugh

I always like to pass on the humor and jokes that come my way.   Hope you enjoy the following.:sun:
Feel free to add any that you may have come across.
Subject: Scotch and Water
 
 
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.  As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday,  I'll buy you a drink.  In fact, this one is on me.' 


As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you.  Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender.


 As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you.  Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.  As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am,  I'm dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.  Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'



'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
And make love,' and you answer, 
'Pick one; I can't do both!'


'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
On your new alligator shoes
And you're barefoot.


'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe catches your fancy
And your pacemaker opens the garage door,

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra less
Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
Just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action'
Means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car
In the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
To use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure these are jokes?

1,401 views 9 replies
Reply #1 Top

I can relate to some of these... especially the "all nighter'... tho I've forgotten what one of those is, since it has been a while...

... sleeping right through the night, that is.

Doesn't help when you have an ensuite and the sound of the dripping tap comes under the bathroom door. :S :\ ;P

Reply #2 Top

Wow. I must be old.

 

:fox:

Reply #3 Top

WOW, I am on the downhill side of life according to these.  All exept the whole braless thing of course.

Reply #4 Top

Damn...I feel old.

Reply #5 Top

So glad this post didn't involve me in any way.  Still young and loving it!

Reply #6 Top

:grin:

Reply #7 Top

So glad this post didn't involve me in any way
End of quote

Um... Zubs, me old mate... it hasn't finished yet!  Tho you could always cut Po`'s status to visitor for this one to be sure. O:)

And yeah, enjoy being young... cos you're only young once.  I remember thinking that as a cheeky and mischievous schoolboy, and vowing that I was never going to grow up.... so far I think I've succeeded pretty well.

:P o_O ;P

Reply #8 Top

those are jokes?

Reply #9 Top

The Funeral Procession

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning
coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral  procession
approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was
followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind
the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man
walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance
back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully
approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so
sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb
you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose
funeral is it?'

'My wife's.'

'What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to
help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between
the two men. 'Can I borrow the dog?'
 
The man replied, 'Get in line.'