Pet Diaries

> Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
>
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
> 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
> 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
> 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
> 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
>
> 6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
> 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
> 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My
> favourite thing!
> 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
>

>
> Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..
> 
> Day 983 of my captivity.
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
> dangling objects.
>
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
> inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
> Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly
> clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
> keep up my strength.
>
> The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
> escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit
> on the carpet.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
> body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
> into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I
> am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
> comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
> Bastards.
>
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
> tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the
> duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises
> and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
> due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
> means and how to use it to my advantage.
>
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
> assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his
> feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow
> -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
> flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
> privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be
> more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
>
> The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
> communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain
> that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
> protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
> safe. For now................