A kick up the arse

from JoeUser Forums
I don't think I take life very seriously. I have a friend that worries about every element of their life. Worries about the future, the past. I'm not completely heartless. I just tend not to worry about the important things. Recently I found a lump on my breast. At first I wasn't worried. Maybe I wanted to bury my head in the sand, maybe I thought it would go away. I checked it regularly and realised I had to do something about it. I went to the doctors, and it turned out to be nothing. I was worried about nothing. I didn't mention this to anyone, and it's been a good few weeks since this happened. I didn't see the point in sharing with people. What's there to say? You can hardly bring it up easily in conversation. You can hardly say oh and by the way I found this on my boob. It's just not something you say. I don't regret not telling anyone. I didn't need someone to hold my hand, in fact I think they would of made it worse. Because by telling someone that would of made it oh so real. Maybe by keeping it to myself, I could deal with it, without having to deal with anyone elses thoughts on it.

If it had turned out to be something. I would have told people. I wouldn't of broadcast it. I doubt I would of blogged about it. I would of told a select few people. There are two, maybe three people I would have definetly told. I don't even know why I'm blogging about this. It wasn't a huge thing, because I didn't allow it to be. I remained realistic about it. Looked up information, and tried to remain level headed, but thinking about it at a later time. When it isn't so personal anymore. I don't know. It's so easy for these things to happen. One minute you can be living your life normally, and the next something life altering can happen and change your perspective on things dramatically. I don't think about my future to much. I don't know what I will be. I don't know if I'll have a career, if I'll have children, if I'll get married. I don't know if I'll be happy. I would like the chance to find out though. Maybe these things are sent to give you that kick up the arse, that we all sometimes need.
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Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I had a scare like that too once. I didn't tell anyone either. Turned out it was a lymphnode that was inflamed. whatever.
I am not one who worries either.
I know what you are saying about being comfortable and not thinking about the future. Just believeing we will be young forever. Think about the future later. We should think about our future though. Like you said that kick in the ass is sometimes just what we need. Talk about being motivated.


Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm glad for you it turned up to be nothing.

I think I would have done what you have done kept it to myself because I don't want people to make a big deal out of it or anything.

>> Maybe these things are sent to give you that kick up the arse, that we all sometimes need.
Or a real good shove.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hey there Sally.. I dont think I have ever commented on one of your blogs.. but with this one I can really relate to. I think that sometimes we are shaken out of our reality to give us a different perspective on what our life is all about and to sometimes point us in the right direction. It is always obvious to us when we get kicked in the butt.. but as the dust settles after the shake up (look at it like a little earthquake) .. things will become more obvious and sometimes we look at things with different eyes.

I got a great kick up the ass when I was 18 and became HIV.. and since then everything has been different. But to look at things positively I dont think I would turn the clock back, ive learnt some great lessons.

Take care Sally.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't regret not telling anyone. I didn't need someone to hold my hand, in fact I think they would of made it worse. Because by telling someone that would of made it oh so real.
My deceased wife kept it from me for a very long time--she thought as you do--but when she found it was malignant, she was grateful for the family support.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Like you said that kick in the ass is sometimes just what we need. Talk about being motivated.


Yeah we all need a reminder we aren't invincible. It's nice to look at things from a different perspective sometimes .

I'm glad for you it turned up to be nothing.


Thankyou....me too.

I think I would have done what you have done kept it to myself because I don't want people to make a big deal out of it or anything.


I'm exactly the same, I like to deal with things myself.

I got a great kick up the ass when I was 18 and became HIV.. and since then everything has been different. But to look at things positively I dont think I would turn the clock back, ive learnt some great lessons.


That is a great perspective to have. What you had wasn't even a kick up the arse, it was a completely life changing experience. I'm glad you have taken the positive aspects and learned from them.

My deceased wife kept it from me for a very long time--she thought as you do--but when she found it was malignant, she was grateful for the family support


I'm sorry about your wife. I would have told ppl if it had turned out to be anything, but I wouldn't of worried people for nothing.

Thanks for all your comments folks
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I dont know how old you are, sally, but when you start burying your friends and relatives, mortality strikes very close to home


I'm twenty one, and I know what you're saying. I'v never had to deal with that properly yet. It's something I don't think I'm prepared for, but who is?

If i had known i was going to live this long, id have taken better care of myself!


Hehe....you strike me as the kind of person that lives for the moment. I think I'm like that at the moment, but I don't know if not planning ahead will set me up for a fall later on.

what i fear is lengthy and painful illness..something that makes you long for death. And my diagnosis with r/a last year confirmed my worst fears.


I'm sorry LW, but it's never to late. You can learn from this, as I'm sure you have and take what you can out of life. This illness has given you a perspective the rest of us may lack. If you don't mind me asking......do you think it will eventually make you long for death? Or do you think dealing with it in your own way, you will just be as strong mentally as you are now?

Im glad your lump turned out to be harmless, and i hope you learned something from the scare. Life is precious...and it can change (or end) in a hearbeat. Be grateful for your good health....and enjoy it!


Thankyou, and I intend too. As I said it was a good kick up the arse
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
That is some pretty intense stuff. I can't imagine going through that and having a positive outlook on things. To be in continual pain, and not seeing there is a way out, I don't know how you deal with that, or even if it is possible to deal with that. I have arthritis in my hands and wrists. I know it's no comparison to what you are going through, but it's the only one I have. Even now I can see that it will get much worse down the line. Not to the point where I won't be able to do things, but that it will hurt to do things. Even things like typing, after a while hurts now, but to know that, thats' all you are going to have to put up with and there is no way out. I don't know if I could deal with that. I think you're doing a good job so far LW.

Yeah, i thought about dying. I even expressed it verbally to my parents and Husband


What was their reaction to this? Did they understand?


And then slowly, ever so slowly, the plaquenil seemed to offer some relief, and i now enjoy some relatively pain free days.


So this drug relieves the pain? Will you eventually become immune to it? Or will it be an ongoing thing now?

So while im not feeling 'good' these days, im not laying around in moaning agony, unable to care for myself, as i was before starting this drug. It can also go into spontaneous remission, so thats something to hope for as well.


I'm glad thinsg are looking up, and a little hope can go along way in situations like this.

I am far from strong mentally, sally, and never have been, having suffered from manic-depression all my life.


Sorry! Maybe I should of said strong character....and that is something you can't deny!