It's over.

I'm sorry Karen. It's all I know to say.

I'm sorry Dharma.

I hope you can make it work.

Dharma: I'm sorry to hear this.  I hope that things work out the best for you both, whatever that best may be.  I'm sorry for your pain.

This sucks. I'm sorry.

I am sorry Karen. I wish I had some magic words or suggestions. But you know as much or more than I do.

Best of luck.

I don't know what to say. Well, actually I do but I don't want to say it here. Suffice to say you're in my thoughts, Karen.

Sorry to read this news, but if I might make an observation here:

I've busted my ass for years, trying to make him, and my marriage, happy.   I haven't been happy, though.  I've managed to maintain a facade of happiness but underneath it I've been miserable and unfulfilled. I think that most of you knew that, though......didn't you?

If you really do want to try to keep going, then please look at that bolded statement and change your approach.  You can't go about making your partner happy, or at least you can't make it job #1 in the marriage.

Note, I'm not saying you should intentionally try to piss off your partner or ignore their wishes, but I would point out the type of advice that I've seen given many times for these sorts of relationship issues: first worry about your happiness, then worry about your partner.  If you aren't happy, you'll take it out on the partner in the relationship anyway, no matter how much you tell yourself to try harder and make things better.  That never works (trying harder to make things better and please the partner that much more).  You can communicate about things that make your partner *unhappy* or "displeased" and you can try to avoid intentionally doing those things, but beyond that you have to let yourself be happy.

I would offer the suggestion you've probably already heard about talking to a counselor.  Get a fresh set of eyes and ears involved to hear things and see things and let them offer some suggestions.

Either way I hope things work out for both you and your spouse.

Sorry, K. That sucks.

Know that I wish you the best. (((((((((((((K)))))))))))))

Normally I woukld have something soothing or witty to say, but I am at a loss for words D, my heart goes out to you and the kids and dave too.

Elie

Maybe breaking out of the facade of happiness and facing what's going on will save your marriage, maybe it won't. Either way, I hope not having to pretend is freeing for you. Good luck, D.

Although I do not know you personally, I feel your pain and the dilemma you face. I happened to have just blogged about my experience with the church in the midst of my divorce:

http://sh-80.joeuser.com/article/302516/I_like_your_Christ_I_do_not_like_your_Christians_They_are_so_unlike_your_Ch

My brother said this to his wife prior to marriage: "I cannot make you happy. Happiness comes from within. You cannot find your happiness in me."

I carried this with me into my new marriage relationship, except that I added, "I will not find my happiness in you, but I will share my happiness with you."

I hope that whatever path you find yourself, that you will find happiness.

I'm sorry, Dharma.  I hope whatever path you follow is the best one for you.

~Zoo

I'm sorry, I know it's not easy (for both of you) making a decision like that. I congratulate you too, because you're a very brave person and I wish you both the best.

I can't say I'm surprised but it is certainly sad for all involved.

~hugs~

Thanks for the comment and for having my back!

Take care of you...sometimes you are the only one who will.

Divorce is hard.  Hard on the people in it for the obvious reasons, and hard on those that watch it happen from the outside because any of these latter with any humility at all know there are only two kinds of advice to give.

The first kind of advice is from one who has never been through a divorce.  These folks fail to understand that solutions that worked for them only worked because it was them.  Since relationships are so complex, and the people in them even more so, this is, at best, a shot in the dark. 

The second kind of advice is from people that have been through one or more divorces.  And maybe what they would say is wise if it weren't for one small overlooked fact.  The only way they came by that wisdom was to learn it by getting divorced!

Love is all I can really give you.  I will happily keep my advice to myself anytime you wish to talk to someone and just be listened to.  Mari can give you my address if you don't already have it somewhere. 

Be well, Dharma, and take care of yourself.  We care.