Britney Spears is Ugly!

it had to be said

from JoeUser Forums

        I admit it -- I don't "get" Britney Spears.

        As far as I am concerned, she's not attractive, she has a squeaky, annoying voice only dogs should be able to hear, she can barely warble through her songs, and her moves are so over-choreographed I'd believe she has to spend three hours a day practicing in front of a mirror just to know how to smile, wave, or pee. About the only positive thing I have to say is that some of her songs aren't bad -- but they'd be much better coming from between someone else's lips.

        Britney's biggest fans appear to be little girls and their paunchy daddies, also known as "the dirty old man." The latter should be up on child abuse charges for letting the former have a role model with such a lascivious persona. For a while I decided a lot of her popularity was based on the "dirty little girl" image she was playing up. Yeah, that modified parochial school uniform was for the tweeners. Uh-huh. I can see the horn-dog daddies now, drooling over the life-size cutout at Virgin Records. "Hey, honey, how about this Britney Spears person? Don't all your little friends like her? Maybe we should get her videos...."

        You killed American music! You bastards!

        Britney didn't have to be all that attractive for the dirty little girl thing to work. All those lustful S.O.B.'s were just happy to see an embodiment of their dirty little fantasy brought to life. Maybe a teenage Roseanne couldn't have pulled it off, but Britney was just close enough that a boost from her suggestive lyrics and even more suggestive dance moves and poses put her over the top. And, oh yeah, let's not forget the pièce de résistance -- "I'm a virgin." The fantasy was complete! "Honey, why is this hole burst through the front of your slacks? And what the hell is that CD you bought little Katie?"

        Why is she still popular now that the dirty little girl is a humping, manstealing vixen? I suppose once they sold out to drooling over the dirty little girl image, the men just naturally kept on drooling. Once committed and all. The little girls that once adored her I suppose wouldn't drop her either. Theoretically she is aging as they do. Inertia is keeping Britney alive, dammit!

        It never worked for me, though. I honestly think Britney is ugly. Sorry, I do. And her boobs aren't all that, either. I watched her closely when she hosted Saturday Night Live, trying to discern something to like. I failed miserably. Even her ankles were shapeless and unattractive. When you're hoping for even a shapely ankle to hang onto you've pretty much hit the bottom of desperation. Seriously, I think we've found a woman I'd turn down even if given the opportunity.

        Britney? Justin? Jessica Simpson? Are we really this hard up for celebrities?

music
5,448 views 27 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
YEAH!!!!!!! You tell em Gene!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

hahahh brilliant

I love your articles sometimes

 

SoundPackager - Customize the Windows sound scheme
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I totally agree with you. Another sad point is how these idiots such as britney, jessica, christina...etc...consider themselves musicians. They are not making music..shit...they don't even write their own music. Being a professional musician, i feel like they put a huge stigma on the entire profession. Being a musician is about long hard hours of creating art, not creating some sickening image.

And the sad thing about these girls--they all have the same dopey identity...and for what? Just to make a couple of bucks.

If they are considered musicians, I want to know where my multi-million dollar paycheck is too...
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
why you gotta throw that hunk, Justin, in the mix. Maybe he was an answer to all MY fantasies! heheh

Trinitie
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
YEAH!!!!!!! You tell em Gene!


Someone needed to say it. "The empress has no clothes." Wait, that's her whole act....


I love your articles sometimes


Thank you. I'll take what I can get!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Being a musician is about long hard hours of creating art, not creating some sickening image.


Amen. Image isn't everything. It's corporate perversion, "art" in a fun house mirror.

I want to know where my multi-million dollar paycheck is too...


I bet there are a lot of strippers looking at them and wondering the same thing.


why you gotta throw that hunk, Justin, in the mix. Maybe he was an answer to all MY fantasies! heheh


I refuse to comment, Trin.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
why you gotta throw that hunk, Justin, in the mix. Maybe he was an answer to all MY fantasies! heheh


Okay, Trin, just for you -- imagine I meant Justin Guarini. Unless he's the hunk you meant....
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

I wonder so many times how much real music we miss out on.  It seems like the record companies are more concerned with a look than the music.  I miss the days when the musicians write and *sang* their own music (Hell, Britney lip-syncs her concerts!)


why you gotta throw that hunk, Justin, in the mix. Maybe he was an answer to all MY fantasies!

I refuse to comment, Trin.


He might, but I can't help but comment.


Are you sure?  At this point, I am pretty sure that him and Nick Carter are more like all the gay boys fantasies.  Why?  Well, you have to watch how they do things.  First, Justin really likes Michael Jackson's style- he even stole some of the dance moves and "style" of clothes from him in some of his music videos- that should put anyone under "suspicion". 


What else?  This is something that both Nick and him share: they latch on to a high profile woman long enough to be in the spotlight with them.  They then break up and move on.  With Justin, they both claimed that they are still great "friends".  Sorry, high profile breakups are never that smooth.  With Nick, he was dating that Hilton Bimbo.  The press didn't seem to care a lot, so they "broke up" and then she was found with bruises on her a few days later (which she showed to everyone so that every photographer that she ran into could take pictures)  Oh!  What a bad boy Nick is!  i guess maybe they think that they will lose their female following or something if they really show what they are like.


Such a soap opera.  The funny thing is- all of that above was what I saw in little bits here and there and heard on the radio, so that just shows how totally out of control the media is.


 


 

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

"the dirty old man."


jeez just tar all of us with her brush.   dammit i cant stand her either. 


 (...if she was my daughter...what would you do daddy? ...susie creamcheese, frank zappa)

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
she's got a worthy body, but that's it. Bring back the who and the doobie brothers and Led zeppelin and the old Lynyrd Skynryd...
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

I am pretty sure that him and Nick Carter are more like all the gay boys fantasies


this is goin downhill fast...next someone will be be posting smirking suggestions about why theyre called 'the backstreet boys'

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
OMG! Karma just outed Justin and Nick!

I am pretty sure that him and Nick Carter are more like all the gay boys fantasies. 


I don't think Justin Guarini is having this problem. Maybe some hair straightener and a visit to Neverland Ranch can blow some life into his limp little career? (Wait... what did I just type...?)
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Are you nuts? The ass goes boom!! The tits go kaboom! Are you nuts?............................
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Are you nuts? The ass goes boom!! The tits go kaboom! Are you nuts?............................


*SIGH* The inevitable sheep bleats in.

Let me help: U-G-L-Y

Take two Beyoncés and call me in the morning, okay?


smirking suggestions about why theyre called 'the backstreet boys'


Did you see the Howard Sterm BSB "I Want It That Way" parody video -- Backside Boys "I Went The Gay Way"? OMG -- too funny.

It's best with the animated video (which I didn't find) but here are the lyrics and the mp3 audio. Still pretty funny.

For ages I couldn't hear the real song without hearing this in my head.
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top

For ages I couldn't hear the real song without hearing this in my head.

unfortunately i gotta split in 10 seconds but ill be back to check it out later today. thnx for the links.

Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
I can't think of Britney Spears without "you burped on my weddin' kiss" going through my head . . . I think she's better looking than me but she's not the be-all and end-all in attractiveness . . . she's got an oddly shaped body and seems to be determined to run her life into the ground. She's one very, very rich and clueless redneck girl.

Gene:
Take two Beyoncés and call me in the morning, okay?


Right on!
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
Let's not forget her 54-hour "accidental" marriage in Vegas, conveniently timed just over a month before...umm, her CONCERT in Vegas.

She's quickly losing her voyeu...err, fans, and is doing what desperate moves she can to try to retain them.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
I find Britney Spears fascinating in that trainwreck way. I think her downhill started after Justin broke up with her. Then she hooked up with Colin Farrell, Fred Durst, etc. I don't think she cares about her "singing career" anymore. She just wants to party now.

Seriously, the pics of her out there on the net are stunningly bad. It's amazing how her PR was able to create this "most beautiful virgin/whore" image for her. But mostly, she was a blank slate for people.

I don't mind if sexuality is sold with music. However, I don't like when it's mechanical and soulless. Britney's appearance of wanton but innocent sexuality didn't catch on with me. I found it empty and without any fervor that a flashy pop star should have.
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think she's better looking than me


My poor child, you have been brainwashed. Please report to your nearest BDC (Britney Deprogramming Center) immediately.

conveniently timed just over a month before...umm, her CONCERT in Vegas.


And, according to Wikipedia: 'Following the wedding, Spears released the second single off "In The Zone", "Toxic", which became a worldwide hit and a No. 1 hit in over twenty different countries.'

Coincidenza? Coincidenza.

Seriously, the pics of her out there on the net are stunningly bad.


I've considered posting some and asking, "This is you sex idol? This?!"
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top

Backside Boys "I Went The Gay Way"?

all the subtlety and artistic discipline i dont merely expect from stern...dammit i demand it.  

thats way too funny.  it is far too catchy.  you shoulda warned me that id be hearing it my head

Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top

I think she's better looking than me

Please report to your nearest BDC (Britney Deprogramming Center) immediately.

if not sooner.  jeez tw...she really aint that much, even when judged purely by twink standards.

Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't think Britney is attractive anymore, ever since she kissed Skankdonna. I do like Jessica Simpson though, especially if it's true that she has an IQ level even higher than mine. Busty super genius ditzy babes are hot!

I totally agree with you. Another sad point is how these idiots such as britney, jessica, christina...etc...consider themselves musicians. They are not making music..shit...they don't even write their own music. Being a professional musician, i feel like they put a huge stigma on the entire profession. Being a musician is about long hard hours of creating art, not creating some sickening image.


They might not write their own music, but that doesn't mean that their songs aren't entertaining to listen to. It's like Nine Inch Nails. His music isn't composed solely of real instruments, which I'm sure would offend all the purists out there, but he still rocks.
Although I agree that they shouldn't call themselves musicians. Performers or something more accurate would be better.
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top


Saw this picture and thought of this article...
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Saw this picture and thought of this article...


Oh my goodness, HIH! *shiver* Whatchya tryin' ta do? Break my monitor or something?

That looks like some underage mess loitering out front of 7-11 trying to score surrogate beer from a middle-aged fool.

I was out a few days ago wandering the mall and various other environs and heard at least three different groups of people independently ragging on our Miss Spears. I think she may have jumped the shark.
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
Gene..........Britney is one pathetic whore. I recently read about her problems with STD's. She caught Clymadia and it was a bitch to kill. She did not want to get married with that.