A Serious Question

from JoeUser Forums
If your boyfriend/girlfriend husband or wife admitted to cheating on you or admitted to trying to cheat on you but hasnt been sucessful yet, how would you handle this what would you do? A Friend of mine asked me this question thought I'd get feedback.
6,713 views 23 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
If we had kids... I'm not sure... that would require a lot of thought.

If there were no children then our relationship would be over. If my girlfriend/wife cheated on me I would never be able to trust that person again. I offer absolute loyalty in a relationship and I expect the same respect.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ditto what CS guy said.
Elemental: Reforged
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'd say THREESOME!!!

I just can't see myself getting excited about having sex with my wife and her boyfriend.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I just can't see myself getting excited about having sex with my wife and her boyfriend.


I can see my self getting very excited about having sex with your wife and her boyfriend.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well, my answer these days is not what it was in the past.....but at this point in my life, I'd have to agree with what Tom and Brad said.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well, I'd have to sit down and evaluate the situation...there are many variables that need to be considered.

First and foremost, in some issues, cheating results because of emotional abandonment by the spouse who has been cheated on. While this doesn't justify the behavior, there needs to be a serious evaluation of the circumstances involved. I do tend to agree with CS, Brad, and Poetmom that the presence or absence of children may make a difference in how you react, but I have personally never been a person who has given my love and trust easily, and I would have to consider a lot of things before I could give an adequate answer.

As for my wife (we have been married 9 years...together 11 years), I have invested a lot in our relationship, as has she. If she were to cheat on me (or attempt to), I would seriously evaluate what part I needed to play in repairing our relationship (there was a time when I was working 70-80 hours a week to support the family; I had to stop that and evaluate what was really important to us; if my wife had cheated on me during that time, I would have to consider my own behavior a factor in influencing hers).

I realize this is the biggest non-answer given since Clinton left office, but...I think the question is too simple for a simple answer.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I realize this is the biggest non-answer given since Clinton left office, but...I think the question is too simple for a simple answer.


Maybe we need to define exactly what "cheating" means.

there was a time when I was working 70-80 hours a week to support the family; I had to stop that and evaluate what was really important to us; if my wife had cheated on me during that time, I would have to consider my own behavior a factor in influencing hers


I don't buy that. If my wife thought our relationship had enough bumps that she felt the need to cheat on me, then she should have communicated that well before it got to that point. If my working 70-80 hours was such a hardship for her, then she needs to tell me that! Not go shag some other guy.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

If my wife thought our relationship had enough bumps that she felt the need to cheat on me, then she should have communicated that well before it got to that point. If my working 70-80 hours was such a hardship for her, then she needs to tell me that! Not go shag some other guy.


Amen to that.


I'd have to go with CS, Brad and Teresa.  I thought about the 'trying to cheat w/o success' part and then decided that just because the deed hadn't been done the intent had still been there.......so no, I'd have a hard time trusting that person ever again...

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
I don't buy that. If my wife thought our relationship had enough bumps that she felt the need to cheat on me, then she should have communicated that well before it got to that point. If my working 70-80 hours was such a hardship for her, then she needs to tell me that! Not go shag some other guy.


But that depends on how well you communicate with each other, doesn't it? If you were working all those hours, and not talking to her when you WERE home, even when she tried to talk to you, then what? Because I have to confess, part of the reason I USED to look at it differently is that I was that wife....which is how I met my current husband......
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
But that depends on how well you communicate with each other, doesn't it? If you were working all those hours, and not talking to her when you WERE home, even when she tried to talk to you, then what? Because I have to confess, part of the reason I USED to look at it differently is that I was that wife....which is how I met my current husband......


And so splitting up was a good thing for you and your former husband. Or at least for you (since I haven't heard his side). You were able to then develop the relationship with your current husband that, I trust, you value now.
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm not trying to place any blame on my wife if she cheats on me. But if things get that bad then obviously our relationship failed. It could have been my indifference that drove her to cheating, or it could be that she is just an unfaithful bitch. After the fact it doesn't really matter. I would never be able to trust her, and it would be unfair for both of us to maintain that state. The only thing that could make me remain would be children, because I believe a complete family is very important for their growth.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
And so splitting up was a good thing for you and your former husband. Or at least for you (since I haven't heard his side). You were able to then develop the relationship with your current husband that, I trust, you value now.


Yes, it was...and he and I are actually better friends now that we're no longer husband and wife. He was actually the first one to email me birthday wishes this year, and he actually made me cry on Mother's Day by emailing me to thank me for giving him our daughter.

As for my current relationship, there is nothing and no one that could make me do anything to damage it.....I'll guard it with my life.
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
To cheat on your partner is to declare the end of the partnership, whether or not children are involved. The cheater will do it again..is not to be trusted.. so it's over!
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
The cheater will do it again..is not to be trusted.. so it's over!


I'm sorry, but that "once a cheater, always a cheater" line is nothing but BS. If you cheat on one person, but then go on to find a relationship with someone else that is a more complete one, you will have no reason or need to cheat....my parents were married 17 yrs., and my father cheated numerous times before they divorced....he then married my stepmother, and has been married to her 20 yrs without EVER cheating on her.
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
To cheat on your partner is to declare the end of the partnership, whether or not children are involved. The cheater will do it again..is not to be trusted.. so it's over!


Yes, but I would probably be willing to stay in a marriage where I did not trust my wife if I honestly thought it would benefit my children.
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
Yes, but I would probably be willing to stay in a marriage where I did not trust my wife if I honestly thought it would benefit my children.


As a child who lived that....trust me, it doesn't benefit them.....my brother and I were much happier after our folks split.
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
admitted to trying to cheat on you but hasnt been sucessful yet


This is the part that bothered me the most...I would be angry about any infidelity, but if he's trying to cheat, going out of his way to look for someone...he's gone. It's bad enough when it "just happens."
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
I would be GONE GONE GONE....
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
I agree with Marcie..I think I would be gone.

The reason being is that a lot of people who cheat are likely to do it again. Why would your partner admit that he/she was 'trying' to cheat on you? " I was hitting pretty hard on brother/sister/dentist/dog groomer, but they weren't feeling me." What does that say about you, or your relationship? For some reason, you weren't good enough anymore? Play on the side for fun is not really a excuse in this matter. Something like cheating leaves scars long after the relationship is said and done.

And if you stay with them? There might always be regret and resentment there towards the other person. Trust, that invaluable currency, is lost. Sometimes you can't get it back. I personally think that trust isn't something that can be built to jsut have it voided in a night of 'fun' sex. The bond is broken, and depending on the person, it might never be fixed.

I'm sure there are cases where the cheating had circumstance, but then again, how would you be able to trust that those circumstances didn't happen again?
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'd be out of there. I only have a girlfriend now, and I won't need to worry about kids for about 10-15 years.

Doubt this will have much weight on anyone or if it will be payed attention to in the first place being that I'm only a teenager, but trust is a one time thing and it takes a lot to be built up. It's a one time thing in that it can and will be lost after an act of infidelity.
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think women are much more forgiving than men. I know many wives who have stayed with husbands who cheated but I honestly don't know one husband who didn't divorce his wife as soon as he found out.
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think women are much more forgiving than men. I know many wives who have stayed with husbands who cheated but I honestly don't know one husband who didn't divorce his wife as soon as he found out.