Prelude to destruction
<looking back>
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Welcome to my world two years ago. Addicted to methanphetamines, did a lot of things I regret in that part of my life. Suckky too, because I always wanted to live with no regrets. Flights of childhood fantasies I guess. There was sure no Mother Goose during those months, no Santa Clause. Only delusions of grandeur and indestructiblity, ideals and ethics could be turned for the next fix, or dime. Before that? Marriage ---- 1.5yrs ------ Separation ---- dating as a rebound ------ icky -----,we'll get into that in a bit. I wasn't always addicted to meth, crank, etc.. and I don't think I ever really got 'addicted to it'. In the end I was doing it because the people I was around were doing it as well (damn, theres a stupid decision, my life seems plagued with them). Granted that isn't entirely true, I bounced around a bit in the crystal circles, from Vancouver to Toronto and back (boy was that even dumber), I had a choice and my choice was to go along with them. Eventually, not having a job, legal implications, living in poverty, prentending like none of it mattered anymore. Eventually the choice came to light. I could leave, start again. The desire to do so has changed my life so much from then, I probably should have gone to a rehabilitation program when I left that sceen, but I choice not to. In two months my sleeping and eating were back on track. I went home, stayed quiet and fixed myself the only way I knew how. Lock the outside out and retrain myself quietly. Make new friends, make some bold risky decisions limit contact with certain people, completely ignore the presence of others, and slowly build a life.
Before being addicted to methanphetamines I was a pretty good guy, I had friends, I hung out at a club in Vancouver and every friday night I helped put on the show.
Then what happend?
On a dark and rainy (no word of a lie) Wednesday night I was at this club night on Granville St. called Cheeky. Why, I can't remember, but I think it had to do with a club night I was trying to promote at the time (for a Thursday I think). I saw an old friend of mine, one that I'd smoked the sacred herb with, one that I've fancied (*caugh*) sleeping with on occasion. She invited me up to this penthouse where she was partying for the night, alas, I accepted the offer, we exchanged some plesantries and she departs. After completeing my rounds of Cheeky, and looking at some of the repetative visuals they had going on in the club, saying hi to my x-wife and sharing in a few drinks I proceed to walk over to the penthouse (somewhere, someone I don't want to talk with has photos of the two months I spent in that penthouse).
I met this guy named (we'll call him) TheFerryMan, he stood slightly shorter than I, and had somewhat of a waysian *white-asian* complexion. This was a guy that seemed to command a presence in any room he entered. I was later to find out, and ventured somewhat a guess at much earlier, this penthouse was funded by drug money, and lots of it. International smuggling is apparently big business, or so I was later to find out. Almost any party drug you could think of went through this place. Keep in mind it wasn't a *crack house* in the media protrayed sence but more of a drug haven. Extacy, DMX, Marijuana, and other substances found thier way there, and most of it was then shipped within Canada and not-so-canadian soils.
The remainder? You guesed it, we did em all, or sold them locally. We'll to be specific, I was never a good drug dealer (unlike what became of my x-wife after we seperated) and hence forth, never sold them at that house. Probably a good thing too, TheFerryMan, that floated our way some decocted dreams and twisted realities had other problems. At the time, his main business was running meth between a few cities and hence forth got me started on it. Why I did it for so long, I don't know, it messes with your world, makes time seem to run faster, you become late for everything, your mentality gets twisted, you become paranoid, always thinking of ways people are trying to undermine you, then looking for ways to quantify and / or justify your fantasmical visions and thoughts. You begin to try other drugs in combanation with that to see what else your strange mind can meld with and mix in that (what seems at the time) this gigantic decanter you've got on your shoulders. During this period of time and how I got started on it *crystal*, I became a resident of this penthouse and held the lofty position of the guy that was asked to stay in the guest bedroom. Who was I to say anything at an offer like that at the time, this was exactly what I was looking for, to live the good life in a Penthouse downtown. Then I got this (who I thought was wonderful) girlfriend who was a rebound, man, a total rebound (she was even younger than my first wife). That was enough to get me started on cocaine. Eventually TheFerryMan caught wind of this and decided to give me a few grams of meth to get me to stop using coke. I would have stoped using coke on my own 'probably', but then the crystal took me to a different place and a different course of life. I've since then done those things I regret, and have spent every waking moment since then trying not to bring back the part of life that caused me to fail so horribly at being me, and what I was. A good friend to most, but friendships can be repaired, thus is what I have been working twords since all of this happend.
Before being addicted to methanphetamines I was a pretty good guy, I had friends, I hung out at a club in Vancouver and every friday night I helped put on the show.
Then what happend?
On a dark and rainy (no word of a lie) Wednesday night I was at this club night on Granville St. called Cheeky. Why, I can't remember, but I think it had to do with a club night I was trying to promote at the time (for a Thursday I think). I saw an old friend of mine, one that I'd smoked the sacred herb with, one that I've fancied (*caugh*) sleeping with on occasion. She invited me up to this penthouse where she was partying for the night, alas, I accepted the offer, we exchanged some plesantries and she departs. After completeing my rounds of Cheeky, and looking at some of the repetative visuals they had going on in the club, saying hi to my x-wife and sharing in a few drinks I proceed to walk over to the penthouse (somewhere, someone I don't want to talk with has photos of the two months I spent in that penthouse).
I met this guy named (we'll call him) TheFerryMan, he stood slightly shorter than I, and had somewhat of a waysian *white-asian* complexion. This was a guy that seemed to command a presence in any room he entered. I was later to find out, and ventured somewhat a guess at much earlier, this penthouse was funded by drug money, and lots of it. International smuggling is apparently big business, or so I was later to find out. Almost any party drug you could think of went through this place. Keep in mind it wasn't a *crack house* in the media protrayed sence but more of a drug haven. Extacy, DMX, Marijuana, and other substances found thier way there, and most of it was then shipped within Canada and not-so-canadian soils.
The remainder? You guesed it, we did em all, or sold them locally. We'll to be specific, I was never a good drug dealer (unlike what became of my x-wife after we seperated) and hence forth, never sold them at that house. Probably a good thing too, TheFerryMan, that floated our way some decocted dreams and twisted realities had other problems. At the time, his main business was running meth between a few cities and hence forth got me started on it. Why I did it for so long, I don't know, it messes with your world, makes time seem to run faster, you become late for everything, your mentality gets twisted, you become paranoid, always thinking of ways people are trying to undermine you, then looking for ways to quantify and / or justify your fantasmical visions and thoughts. You begin to try other drugs in combanation with that to see what else your strange mind can meld with and mix in that (what seems at the time) this gigantic decanter you've got on your shoulders. During this period of time and how I got started on it *crystal*, I became a resident of this penthouse and held the lofty position of the guy that was asked to stay in the guest bedroom. Who was I to say anything at an offer like that at the time, this was exactly what I was looking for, to live the good life in a Penthouse downtown. Then I got this (who I thought was wonderful) girlfriend who was a rebound, man, a total rebound (she was even younger than my first wife). That was enough to get me started on cocaine. Eventually TheFerryMan caught wind of this and decided to give me a few grams of meth to get me to stop using coke. I would have stoped using coke on my own 'probably', but then the crystal took me to a different place and a different course of life. I've since then done those things I regret, and have spent every waking moment since then trying not to bring back the part of life that caused me to fail so horribly at being me, and what I was. A good friend to most, but friendships can be repaired, thus is what I have been working twords since all of this happend.