I am NewsCaster of Borg ...... Super Typhoon Of Borg is bearing down on China of Borg. I hope her insurance is paid up.

The Astro-Nomers of Borg have found the oldest galaxy in the world. They claim ... chuckle, chuckle ... it is 13.1 billion years old. I think they need to get their glasses cleaned. All True Borgs and Borgettes know the world is only 4 years old, humph!

I am Galactic Tax Assessor of Borg ...... Where is it?? I gots to collect on it.

I am China of Borg ... squish. 

I am Astrologer of Borg... and I see that Neptune has gotten rather close to Uranus and it looks like he is trying to assimilate it.

I am Uranus of Borg ...... Damn but that trident is sharp.

I am Neptune of Borg ...... Then why did you try to eat it?

I am Jupiter of Borg ..... Because if he didn't I was going to shove a greased lightning bolt up his anus.

I am greased Lightning Bolt of Borg ...... Oh no you're not. I'm outta here.

I be Cap'n Blackbeard o' Borg.... an' I be after Kim Kardashian's Booty.... my that thar wench 'aves a luverly big arse.

I be Cap'n Purrvertte o' Borg....  I fancies that thar Beyonce's booty meself.  Talk 'bout bum cakes, that wench 'aves 'em.

I be Cap'n Choclipse o' Borg...  heave to yer heathen blaggards, when J'Lo said kiss "my arse" I wur only to glad ter oblige.

I are President A. Ssinine of Borg ... All booty calls have to go through me first. I rate.

I are BootyLicious of Borg ... Booty am good. Yum!

I are Snag A. Lot of Borg ... I gots da best booty there am. Just ask anybody.

I are Booty of Borg .... Kim and J,Lo and all them other wannabes ain't got nuthin' on me. I'm on call round the clock.

I am The Booty Meister of Borg ... Want some?

I am Kim Kardashian of Borg... I keep a lot of fashion magazines and womens magazines and I also have a large rack.

I am Porn Enthusiast of Borg... yeah, like I totally saw that on the sex tape you did... oh, like were you talking about your magazine rack?

I am Bruce Jenner of Borg... I'm still pretty pissed about that sex tape, and now... Kim's 'trimmed bush' and 'rack out' in Playboy.

I am Hugh Hefner of Borg.... damn, Kim Kardashian was here NAKED at the Playboy mansion, and I was all out of Viagra?

I am All-Encompassing of Borg ... All you yahoos out there in Borgland now hear this. I got Kim Kardashians pix on my refridgerator and you don't haha.

I am Paris Hilton of Borg... if I had big jubbly bits like Jim Kardashian, I'd take my top off, too.

I am Easily Disturbed of Borg... just as well you haven't, then, and I don't have to pay you to keep it on.

I am Britney Spears of Borg... I have been photographed without my knickers so many times now, some papparazzi are referring to me as the 5th member of the all girl band, The Slits.

I am Zsa Zsa Gabor of Borg ... Really Dahling.

I am Mickey Dolenz of Borg ... Want to play with my monkey.

I am Ringo Starr of Borg ... Want to play in my Octopus' Garden?

I am George Harrison of Borg ... I got yellow matter custard dripping from a dead dog's eye in my pocket. Want some? Its fresh.

I am Leave it to Beaver of Borg ... I like to carpet munch.

I am Eva Gabor of Borg... I haven't brushed my teeth for a year and now I have Green Achers.

I am Mike Nesmith of Borg... my mother got the idea to invent White Out because of something my father did to his girly magazines.

I am Master Bater of Borg... probably the same thing I do, but I gotta keep buying new mags cos I keep sticking the pages together.

I am The Master Blaster of Borg ... I don't have any more magazines. All of them got blasted to the far side of nowhere when my tum tum rumbled one too many times and you know what they say ... better to 'share' the fart and bear the shame than to bear the fart and say ouch.

I am Fart Tester of Borg and if you ask me if I like my job I'll recruit you as my assistant.

I am Assistant of Borg ... Can I work for you Master Bator of Borg? I'd rather unstick pages than smell them, please.

I am Hung Long of Borg... the next person who say to me how come I don't trip on implant I turn him into Chop Suey.

I am Wing Wong of Borg... the next person who ask if I ever wing the wong number I turn him into Chow Mein

I am Long Hop of Borg... the next person who say I am 'Grasshopper' from Kung Fu I turn into Peking Duck.

I am Fuk Yu of Borg... every time I cut my finger in father restaurant and I call out f**k me, my twin sister, Fuk Mi, come running to see what I want.

I am Uk Foo Tu and I have a joke ... Did ya ever fukaduk? Did ya ever Dukafuk? I did and let me tell you it ain't all its 'cracked up' to be.

I am FUBAR of Borg ... and don't you dare say I'm F***ed Beyond All Recognition. They recognize me everywhere.

I am Mistacompletely of Borg ... what are those gray stains on the sheet?

I am HuFlungshit of Borg ... why are there brown stains on my wall?

I am Effluence of Borg ... I got Dashitz for you.

I am Russell Brand of Borg... I let my minders beat up the papparazzi because they were trying to get pictures of my willy the day before I got married.

I am Katy Perry of Borg.... hehe, never mind, Russell, if we ever break up I'm going to publish pictures of your little willy on the internet.

"The Internet has yet to invent a powerful enough electron Microscope". This is a quote from Dwibble Durm Of Borg on the latest to do with extraneous celebs who think like yesterday's old socks. NewsCaster of Borg signing off.

I am Dwibble Durm of Borg ...... Hey!

This is NewsCaster of Borg reporting from Alcatraz of Borg ... This is to let you know that before they pull the plug on my implant that ... Fuk Yu and Fuk Mi of Borg did it. They put me up to it. Them ... not me. I been framed. I been bamboozled. I been ... Tampon please.

I am Hung Long Dik of Borg... when I lose implant in accident, doctor transplant part of elephant trunk on. Now when I go to zoo it burst out of pants and stick peanut up bum.

I am Zoo Keeper of Borg... if you don't keep that thing on a leash I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

I am Laughing Fool of Borg ... Ya got me on that one.

I am Ron Paul of Borg ... I want some of that.

I am Elton John of Borg ... Me too.

I am Marilyn Chambers of Borg ... Stand in line fools.

I am Dyslexic of Borg....... dyslexics of the world...untie !!

I am Medicated of Borg....these pills haven't cured my migraine but the side-effects are simply WoW, man

I am Superior Intellect of Borg ... I am so smart I can spell dawg.

I am Superior Intellect of Borg ... I can count to three, 1 3

I am Versatile of Borg ... I'm so good I can sleep lying down.

I am Optimus Magamus ... Does anyone know where i can get free air. My tire's flat

I am Ron Jeremy of Borg.... talk about coitus interruptus, the cameraman lost his balance and now they're surgically removing a lens from my ass.

I am Chief Surgeon of Borg... due to the extensive nature of the surgery, Ron Jeremy of Borg, your implant will be relocated on the other side of your rectum and it will be 8 inches shorter.

I am Mrs Ron Jeremy of Borg... so what you're saying, doc, is that I will have a lot more cleaning to do in the toilet because he won't be able to see where he's pointing that thing?

I am Erectus Primus of Borg ... my implant is the largest in the known universe.

I am Mrs. Erectus Primus of Borg ... So then why when you go to the john you yell snakes and wait for it to pop out.

I am Jolly Roger of Borg.... well it's better than Gay Roger when you're hetero and happen to work in a gay bar.

I am Ben Dover of Borg... I used to work in that gay bar and was forever confused because I'd frequently hear 'bend over' and think they were calling my name.

I am Jenni Talia of Borg... and you'd never guess what I frequently get called.

I am Art E Choke of Borg... I can well imagine.  You should hear the crap I have to put up with.

I am Charlie Sheen of Borg... I don't have a drinking problem.  I drink, I get drunk, I fall down stark bollock naked in hotel hallways, NO problem.

I am Martin Sheen of Borg... you are a complete disappointment to me as a son.  And in that show of yours, you'd be the half man?

I am Sadistic of Borg... I like kicking a man ^ when he's down.

I am Unimpressed of Borg... yeah, well I'd kick the bastard up or down.

I am AMD of Borg ... I can process faster than any of you blokes, up , down, sideways even.

I am Intel of Borg and I am unimpressed ... I'll still kick you down, up, sideways and back to yesterday.

I am starkers of Borg ... all you clowns better get your acts together or I'll blow yous all to the other side of tomorrow. Imagine ... kicking poor Intel when he's down on AMD. Shame on you. And the Sheen clan better clean up this mess. There's green chunky stuff all up and down the staircase and in the hallway, elevator, foyer, restroom, outhouse, kitchen, in the refridgerator, on the stove, in the stove, on he sink, under the sunk and ... in my pockets!!